Im a little bit stunned right now..no make that a lot stunned. I started this whole blog thing to talk about my experiences in a different culture, my tools for making through the pain of my divorce, and the amazing adventure that God has me on at this moment. Its interesting. Something great must just be about to happen, because I feel like Im being spiritually attacked on all sides. I think Im in a little bit of emotional shock right now. This has easily been my worst day on the island…yet I’m fighting through trying to stay positive. Trying to know that God is still in control. My relationship with Ms. Texas, ended rather abruptly. I thought about recapping what happened, but I thought would be easier to just copy and paste. I woke up this morning to the following email:
Hi Rick,
The first think i have to say is I am soooo sorry that you have to deal with this kind of thing. I know it isn't easy dealing with not only an ex, but her new hubby too.
Ok Rick, this whole thing is making me sick to my stomach. I can't deal with all the drama. I spoke to one of my friends who is a counselor who told me how hard it is for two divorced people to deal with Both ex's being all crazy. Its hard enough with just one.
It is seriously making me sick. I have been through so much in my life already and I admit that no matter how wonderful you are to me (and you really have been such a blessing) your ex and children will not be going away. My ex and drama that might occur will not go away either. I am taking a step back today as I have felt like throwing up with all this drama and confrontation going on. I can't deal with it Rick. I just can't. I want to help others but need some peace in my life. This last letter just threw me over the edge and reading your blog..... man....
I hope you understand where I am coming from in regards to the fact that I have already been through soo much in my past, death, the abuse from my ex and feel like in many ways getting with you would be putting myself in a hornets nest again. You are wonderful, you have been thoughtful and so sweet to me. Reality however is that you are stuck with your kids and their mom forever. I am being honestly saying that I can't deal with it. If I am feeling nausous now... I can't imagine what it would be like later.
Bless you Rick for all your love and attention. I loved all your offeres and the time and attention you have given me. I won't settle for less now when it comes to how to be treated. It might seem like a lot but it is the only way for me to step back... I will take you off my yahoo account and facebook. it is the only way for me to cope with knowing I lost you for now. This is really breaking my heart.... I will keep reading your blog and when i choose to, will contact you there.
"May the Lord bless you and keep you: The Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you; The Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you His peace." Num 6:24
I really do wish you all the best God has for you in the world,
What a bombshell huh? I know everyone warned me about this. I was moving too quickly. And admittedly I was. I am still wounded from my divorce and I am still emotionally unstable. That’s why I tend to rush into relationships. That is not a healthy thing. Now…I’m not angry at Ms. Texas at all. I still care for her very much. It was my choice to care for her and I knew the risks of putting my heart out there. Would I do it again…probably…no absolutely I would. This sort of crap just happens. Its just weird that two people that care so much about each other can’t connect because of external circumstances preventing them. Its quite tragic if you think about it.
I think this is the reason I didn’t tell my kids about her at first…because I knew that it might not be permanent. So perhaps I shouldn’t have mentioned her on the blog. But I’m kind of an open book that way. I did fall for her way too quickly, but she had all the characteristics that I would ultimately look for in a mate.
The last week has been emotionally very difficult for me, but I have a peace and joy that is sustaining me. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the day before I start my positive living small group…everything hit the fan. Im in the midst of not just a spiritual battle right now…but a spiritual war. I think im on the verge of doing some amazing things both professionally and spiritually. I am a threat to the enemy and he is doing everything in his power to take me down. So your prayers are certainly needed. Now its important to note that I am not angry at Ms. Texas or anyone else. I still think she’s an amazing woman. I’m just sad that her decision was unilateral and I had to read about it. I know if I could have talked to her about it, and someday I still might be able to, I know I could talk her out of it. This is all a product of the choices and risks that I made. I cannot assign blame elsewhere.
I know that God has a plan set out for my life. The steps of a righteous man are ordered of the Lord. This is all a process for me.
Wow…what a week it has been. Certainly not one for the memory books, but God is still in control.
1 comment:
Hey its me. My phone actually died - not battery dead, all dead. Tomorrow going to fix. Will call as soon as it's working!!!!!
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