Don't just do something, Stand there!

Im sitting in the Dubai airport Business class lounge. Im getting pretty used to this travel thing. I really kind of enjoy it. It again just goes to show you that anytime you are in the center of God’s will…and I know that I know that I know that I am in the center of God’s will he gives you physically and mentally what you need to thrive. So that is exactly what has been happening. I certainly feel called to be in the Middle East for this season. How long the season will last, only God knows. When I first felt the call as most pastors or missionaries will tell you, my first concern was the children. God told me very clearly that he would take care of them. Im absolutely certain, without going into details, my being here is the best things for the kids. Primarily to avoid conflict. I will have a renewed relationship with them soon, God has assured me of that.

I went to a midnight movie last night, why? Because I could, Im on vacation. So I walked back and played on the computer after and then went to bed at 3 am. While staying in this beautiful hotel would be much better with a spouse or a family, Im making the most of it. I always have told people, that you have to love yourself before you are able to love someone else, or that love becomes imbalanced or co-dependent. My problem in my marriage, is that I got my esteem from my wife, and when she no longer loved me, that created a void in my life. Because she didn’t love me, I no longer loved myself. Thus the relationship became increasingly co-dependent on my part which further pushed her away. In hindsight, I should have done what God originally told me to do, and that was to leave it entirely in his hands. That brings me to this point of transition. You know its amazing, I know now what makes a marriage work because of my failed marriage probably more that what married people know. Its kind of crazy, but Im really good at learning from mistakes. So the second time around, and there will be a second, Im assured of that, Im going to be the best husband in the world. Whoever the next Mrs. Rick Beeman will be, is in for a wild ride.

I gave my notice that I’d move out of my apartment next month. The place I was going to live, isn’t going to work anymore. The person is now asking for the equivalent of $750 more per month in rent (essentially what Im overpaying now) and he wants six months payments down. That isn’t going to happen. So with the financial crisis still looming, and the restructuring of the office, I might have a tendency to worry a bit. But as I was meditating on God today, he told me very clearly to leave the details to him. “Don’t just do something stand there.” He was very clear that if I tried to take things in my own hands, I would just mess it up. Like when I tried to save my marriage, I just made everything worse, and I should have kept it with God. I planned my way, and now God wants to take over and direct my steps. I have such an amazing peace, because God has come through time and time again for me. By remembering those times, gives me faith. With faith my prayers will be answered. Its not like I even need to pray. God knows my needs before I even ask, so instead its just better spend my time worshipping. So that’s exactly what I’m doing. By the way…if ever you are in a dark place and don’t know how to get out, your best resort is always to worship. It really works. It really confounds the enemy. Here he throws everything he can at you, and you are still praising God. That’s what Paul and Timothy were doing when they were in prison.

I slept in til 10 and decided to splurge. I ordered Room service breakfast. The incentive or pork bacon (hard to find here) really tipped the scales. I know that paying $30 for breakfast was a little ridiculous. But I thought people might look at me funny if I were to go to the restaurant in my underwear. I was determined to have breakfast in my underwear. So it was delicious. I got a late check out at 3, and basically just lounged around the room chatting with an old friend on the internet. I had a great second meeting with the Bollywood Producer. We are so on the same page. Not only is there a potential business relationship down the road, I think we could be pretty good friends. I had to check out of my room at 3. So I went to the Grand Spa, got a locker, and threw all my stuff in there. I worked out for an hour, went swimming in the outdoor pool at sunset, then swam in the indoor pool. I fell asleep on the lounges in the indoor pool, while new age music was serenely playing in the background. I’m pretty sure it was the picture definition of relaxation in luxury. I went to spa afterwards had a shower and got dressed. I still had a few hours before I needed to go to the airport. So I went to the cinemas again, which are adjacent to the hotel. I saw another movie, Tenderness with Russell Crowe, very great drama. Then by the time it was over, back to the hotel to get my stuff, and back to the airport. These past few days were a holiday in Bahrain. They celebrate National Day on the 16th and 17th, so Im not missing any work. Plus when I get back it will be the weekend, so essentially it’s a four day weekend for me. One that I believe I have spent very well.