Seeking Inspiration

I wrote a long entry, that I just deleted. It wasn’t the right thing to say. Its interesting as I sit down and right this blog. I rarely plan ahead, instead I just type. It’s a stream of consciousness type thing. I really feel led by the Holy Spirit when I type. Im not saying Im a special writer, but He is giving me the words both to say and to not say. Like the few paragraphs that I just deleted, I didn’t have a peace about it, so I felt compelled to delete them. I do that periodically. So I would say most of the things I write here are inspired by God. That’s why its so difficult for me to write when there is sin in my life. Im totally upfront with most everyone about the flaws in my life. I’ve been criticized that Im too honest. But I think that is what God is calling me to be, transparent. How many ministers or church leaders do you know that are specific with their sins and trespasses. Although I do have to be careful with my confessions, as X mines the blog searching for ammunition for potential litigation. For the people I meet in person in Bahrain..they know everything. My transparency is my ministry tool. So many people can’t be transparent.

I am thankful for my life. Im thankful for the redemptive power of Christ. Im also thankful that I have a peace and joy that transcends whatever circumstance that I am in. I know that God has a “perfect plan” for my life. He is playing out that plan on a daily basis giving me continuous reminders. I have a hunch that this is a giant test Im walking through right now for the next five weeks. I have a hunch that God is allowing me to be tested here to see how I will react. I feel so much like Job, who had everything taken from him, to see how he would react to God. Its like He has removed his blanket of protection and said to the enemy, Go ahead take your best shot, Rick can take it. I know I can take whatever the enemy has to offer. I feel like the pain I endured with the divorce and came up praising God was the worst the enemy could throw at me. I will never been that emotionally devastated again. So whatever he throws my way now, I’m wholly confident I can overcome. I was broken and then built up the way God wanted. I can proudly say, so far so good. But I think I still have five weeks to go. Im worshipping and seeking God. I know there are a lot of people praying for me. So I have a lot to be thankful for just in that. I just want this season of life to be over, that is the single season. Im looking forward to falling in love again, having a family, and continuing this dream life and amazing ride that God has me on. Im just anxious, I want to be able to wake up with someone by my side. Its been four years since I’ve been able to do that.

When I think about my situation, it is really strange. God called us as a family to be missionaries first in Taiwan, then Saudi Arabia. I know the calling of God, and Saudi was certainly that. But as has been well documented X didn’t want any part of that. So here I am following God and losing my family in the process. Doesn’t feel quite fair. I know the Lord works in mysterious ways, but my mind can’t figure out that one just yet. I know justice will prevail someday, but in days like today where Im feeling very self-centered, the feeling of injustice is prevalent. I just have to fight through it. I know God will bring me out on the other side with a double portion of what the enemy has stolen from me. I just want to get to other side faster. I know I keep saying something will happen in December, but 60 days from now sure seems like a long way away.

I had a good day editing. It was very strange, I mean I the favor of God department. The client wanted many small changes to the product. I was getting a little nervous because I have a lot of deadlines coming up. I also knew I needed to shave 2:00 off the final piece. So I decided to cut the 2:00 off first. After I re-edited, I noticed that all the small changes that client wanted were done. It was like it was too easy, almost divine. I didn’t plan it that way, it was almost fixed by accident /divine providence whatever side of the fence you fall on. I think God honors me in ways like that because I am spending so much time with him.

I think God wants me to be successful out here. That way his glory can shine even moreso. Again, I don’t think its because I am special or smarter than anyone else. Im just willing.