Da Funk

Something very strange and bizarre is happening and Im not really sure how to explain it. I don’t want to get all “God told me this or that” because sometimes you can take that too far. Im not sure If I have already. But usually I can clearly recognize the voice of God. Whatever that voice tells me, usually comes to fruition. I also don’t want to go the self-fulfilling prophecy route either. Because that can be equally as powerful. So I have blogged in the past about the early warning system that God usually gives me. He’ll impress upon me, that the next few days or weeks will be difficult and I need to prepare. I usually prepare by prayer and fasting. Like a soldier prepares when he is going to war. Then almost every single time the storm happens exactly the way God said it would. Usually Im prepared and I can maintain my faith, peace, and joy no matter what the circumstances. Off the top of my head I can think of this happening at least 10 times over the past three years. Im sure there has been more. That also is one of the benefits of being in close communication with God.

So I felt very strongly a few weeks ago that I’d go through 6 weeks of hardship. Then last week it was reiterated. Well the suckage started on Thursday as I noted in the blog a couple of days ago. Since that point I’ve just been in a funk. Now if you know me, you know I rarely have two bad days in a row, and hardly ever three. But this is three bad days which is almost historic. (This is in direct contrast to the three year period I was going through my divorce where I would seldom have two good hours in a row, let alone two days in a row.) Im pretty much the most optimistic person you’re ever going to meet. Someone told me they were grounded. I responded, Im grounded too but I have my head in the clouds. I’ve been accused of being Pollyannaish and Im not sure if that is a bad thing or a good thing. I have found that positivity or negativity for that matter is absolutely contagious. So I try to be positive.

So the bad days have happened and its not only affecting me emotionally, but psychologically as well maybe even physically. Now, Im a better than average to good athlete. I love playing racquetball and squash. So I have this group of people I play regularly, well three guys in particular (Im not counting the Finn because I’ve yet to beat him). I can beat these guys regularly about 75-80% of the time. Since Monday, I have yet to win a squash or racquetball game. I used the excuse that I was tired, for losing all my games to Darren and Austin. But today I played Russ. Russ has never beaten me in a game of racquetball. In fact, I went out kayaking before the game to wear myself out, so the game would be more competitive. I guess I was trying to give myself a handicap. So Russ and I go on the Navy Base, and Im not even trying, serving easy ones so I won’t discourage him. I go out to a 9-0 lead. So I lay back even more. Then Russ get s a couple of points, then a couple more. Before I knew it was 9-9. Then I started trying harder to finish him off. The harder I tried the worse I played. Russ wound up beating me. My pride took a hit, but I was happy for him. So the second game I was determined to get my pride back and not give him one inch. OK here’s the weird part. Im very good at not hitting my opponent. I think I only hit my opponent once every thirty games I play. I’ve always been good about that. So in this second game, I hit russ again and again. Five times I hit him. One time he tripped over me, but that wasn’t my fault. He wasn’t angry at me, but I was scared to death to hit him again. So he beat me the second game too. This really has me questioning my ability and resolve. Is this part of the difficult 6 weeks? Or am I reading way too much into it. Do I suck? Or am I just going through a slump. I am trying to pray this through, so if it happens to be some sort of test, Im doing OK so far. Just keep me in your prayers. And I don’t mean to keep me in your prayers so I can beat Russ. Just so I can navigate through these six weeks.