Numbing our insecurities

I got up early to go to church. Reji doesn’t have a car, so I drove across town to get him. It was a small thing to do. I figure that’s an Act of Service. I like Reji a lot. He’s a great guy. The service was nice. I like being so involved in the church.

I was planning taking long naps today, but instead I just lost myself for hours chatting with friends on the computer. I feel so anti-social when Im being cyber social. But I am getting friends from all over the world now. I was talking to my friend Misty in Florida. We were talking about drinking. Drinking and excessive drinking is so prevalent here. I have a theory. That people drink to hide the insecurity that they have inside. The more they drink the more their insecurity is numbed. That’s why they get more emboldened. Liquid courage because the insecurities are gone. Plus the alcohol numbs the pain and loneliness. I believe with Christians, we get our identity through Christ. Thus our insecurities, become secondary because our identity is in Christ. Insecurity is fear. The Bible states 365 times, Do not fear. I read into that, as do not be insecure. In my life, when Im living life right, my faith in God skyrockets and I can handle anything. But if sin creeps into my life then the insecurities start. With sin, my identity is not in Christ, but its in myself. Thus when sin is present there is a need to self-medicate (be it alcohol, drugs, sex, pornography, shopping, pride etc) in order to get rid of the insecurity. We fall into temptation when we don’t trust God enough that he’ll do what he says he will do. So we try to do God’s job by doing it ourselves to make us feel better artificially. So when I go out to all these parties, my heart kind of breaks seeing all my friends numb themselves into happiness by spirits. I like to get to feeling my self…the natural way. It seems more authentic. Plus all these close relationships or conversations which are alcohol aided…are not remembered the next day anyway.

I had a meeting with Sidd this afternoon to discuss the arrangements for Funniest Person. I was in such a negotiating strong point. I made three calls yesterday, and all three venues wanted the show. So I came in with strength. Im not sure if Sidd will be able to meet what the others have offered, but at least Im giving him a chance. I also came up with another concept. Since we are doing the comedy only twice a month, I wanted to alternate with dramatic improv on the off nights. I got the idea after watching some of my acting classes and the performances that I get from my actors. Its just great drama. I always thought it would make a good show. Im not sure if there is any venue/place in the world that offers dramatic improv as a means of entertainment. If anyone knows of a place let me know. Its either a brilliant idea or going to be a spectacular failure.

I had to get out of the house today. So as the sun was setting I hopped into my kayak. Its starting to get less unbearably hot now as we are nearing the fall. So its more like 100 and the water is cooling a bit. Its down to about 88 degress in the water. I don’t think I’ll be able to continue kayaking for more than two months. In the winter the water is supposed to get really cold. The water was the roughest it had ever been. It felt like I was in the Pacific Ocean. The waves were about 2-3 feet and for the gulf that is big. I almost capsized for the first time, but I was able to level off .

I felt a little stupid today. I was preparing to go to a party tonight. So I cancelled a few other plans. Then I headed out to the party. I got there, and I was surprised there were no cars. Then even more surprised that it was locked and no one home. I then remembered the party was next week. I sure felt silly.