a little better

Well Im feeling a little better today. It is frustrating just not able to do your normal activity. But I feel so fortunate that it happened on a weekend. I was able to just sleep it off, be totally lazy. I had a little bit more energy today than yesterday. I was able to eat two small meals, which was good.

There just wasn’t much to talk about. I almost admitted I was bored, but not quite. I looked at the positives at the opportunity to rest and the blessing that I didn’t have to do anything. But that got me thinking. Since I’ve been here, I don’t think I’ve been bored once. That is kind of amazing when you consider that I live alone and came here knowing no friends or family. I’ve been able to thrust myself into so many situations. I thrive when Im out with people. But I’ve also learned to thrive when I’m isolated, like this weekend for example. I am actually very addicted to this computer…my life would be wholly different without it. This is my link to home. I don’t feel half a world away with this portal. Where I don’t have the many one on one relationships at the moment in Bahrain (most of my friends are away for the Summer) I feel like I can connect with scores of friends and family through the internet. I have skype, which makes it very inexpensive for me to call the U.S. at $.02 a minute. I have been chatting with a lot of new people lately. I love the social networking sites. I don’t believe I’m an online recluse, I get out and meet people nearly everyday. That is the advantage of my job. I really like looking forward to chatting with people online and on the phone.

So its just a strange sensation. Im alone, but Im not lonely. God is using this time to further develop my intimacy with him. I just got through with watching Season 2 of Heroes. Its interesting how much good media can affect you psychologically. That’s one of the reasons why I chose to go into this field. I guess we all like to think of ourselves as being special, having something that distinguishes us. I believe in that too. We all have one thing that makes us great, and the one thing that makes us weak our spiritual kryptonite so to speak. That one thing that makes us weak is what the enemy will attack to keep us from achieving our greatness. When we do give into that weakness its called self-medicating. Essentially you are saying I don’t believe in myself or God and want to numb the pain. Sometime the self-medication can be habitual and that furthers our relationship from God and what makes us great. When we sit back and really examine, the whole self-medication (be it sex, alcohol, shopping, lies, drugs, pride, or whatever the sin) is all a big lie. Because it never fulfills us and keeps the distance from us being great even larger. Im in a really good spot spiritually right now. Im probably stronger now than I’ve ever been, but still I am tempted and I struggle. But because Im so spiritually fit at the moment, the battles aren’t as intense as they used to be. Before when temptation hit, I was the 98lb. weakling and the temptation/enemy was the 200 lb bully kicking sand in my face. It was no contest, I got pummeled. Now that I’m spiritually fit, Im the 200lb. bully and my temptation is the 98lb. weakling. I can overcome it easier. Its not really a battle even anymore, it’s a simple flick of the spiritual wrist. That doesn’t mean Im going to get lazy. I have to keep ever vigilant, always preparing for the sneak attack. Because if I get lazy, before I know it, I’ll be the 98 lb. weakling again in no time. My pastor Jim Lewis of Lakewood gave a great illustration, everyone has two dogs, the flesh and the spirit. The dog that wins in a fight is the dog you feed.

So I think this past weekend was a little bit of a test for me. I didn’t like it. Didn’t like the way I was feeling, but I didn’t lose hope. So for those of you who prayed for me…thank you. Your prayers are working.