I didn’t get to sleep til about 5a last night. I guess I didn’t want to face the fact of waking up alone again, but its inevitable for the time being. Jennifer woke me up about seven hours later in London. We spoke for a few minutes then she had to board her connection for another seven hour flight. Fifty years ago, this relationship simply would not have been possible. Now, half world away, by images and voice, we were able to find each other. Of course since it was God’s ultimate will for Jennifer and I to be together, Im sure we would have happened upon each other some other way. I mentioned this before and it bears repeating, because its kind of funny. If its God’s will for Jennifer and I to be together now, then why didn’t we just get married the first time around and to have each of us avoid our respective divorces? Well I don’t have the definitive answer for that. Maybe its as simple as God wanting to create three beautiful kids. The complicated answer is when I got married the first time I was 22, and Jennifer would have been 10. That would have posed a significant problem since I wasn’t living in Saudi Arabia at the time. (that’s kind of a joke). I think that it was also God’s plan for neither of us to be divorced the first time around. But again divorce is a negative by product of free will. I am firm believer in “All things work together for good.” Romans 8:28. John Osteen used to say “You can’t unscramble scrambled eggs, but God can create a beautiful omelet out of them.” So I think Jennifer and my relationship is vivid example of that. God restored in both of us what was broken. That doesn’t mean to imply that Jennifer and I were both innocent in our respective break-ups. In any conflict I believe that there is culpability on both sides. Instead his grace has allowed us both to find each other.
I believe that I started an important project in the Middle East in Saudi Arabia in 2005. I was not able to complete it as I left abruptly trying to save my family. We know that plan went awry so God wanted me to complete the work he started. Now I believe Jennifer is here to help me complete the quest. If God wants something done, He’ll get it done. If you bail off of God’s plan, he’ll just use someone else instead. Im just happy he stuck with me.
Today I wanted to forget that I was alone. I went to see two movies today to escape and take my mind off of things. The first was Up in the Air with George Clooney. I have flown so much in the past five years, I could totally relate to his airport routine. When I got my “Gold” status with Emirates Airlines, I had the same type of reaction as he did. I could really relate to his character. But I am searching for intimacy where he was instead running from it. After the movie I walked around the mall before movie #2. I had been with Jennifer non-stop for 2.5 weeks. We were affixed at the hip. Now suddenly Im on my own. I was lonely…but it was a good lonely, if there is such a thing. It was a hopeful loneliness knowing it was only going to last for a short period of time. For the year and half I have been out here, I was alone a great majority of the time but very rarely lonely. That is because God has been with me and my loneliness was aptly replaced with intimacy with Him. I felt like I really was never alone. But now that I have experienced emotional intimacy with Jennifer it just left me wanting more. I think that God placed a natural desire for her in my heart. I am content in life, but now I feel like a part of me is missing. I know we’ll be back together soon. Its probably going to be a lot sooner than I expect. From my divorce I have abandonment issues. I am petrified of having someone I love walk out on me again. Its really an issue with me. Im fortunate enough that Jennifer understands this about me. She assures me again and again and again that even though we are half a world apart she is as committed to me as I am to her. There is comfort and reassurance in that. Love is risky. I feel 100% at ease with Jennifer.
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