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Coincidence or Providence?

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  I mentioned yesterday that I was struggling with NOT wanting to get my hopes up and how that was contradictory to my faith. If I’m praying for something shouldn’t I naturally get my hopes up for it?  I’m a little bit jaded emotionally because I am tired of heartbreak and I don’t want to be hurt or go through that pain again.  So I’m emotionally insulating myself, but is that the right thing to do?  God instructs that if you have enough faith you can move a mountain.  I’ve never been able to move mountains so I guess I must be deficient in the faith department.  Or at times I feel like I am.  Then something peculiar or fantastic happened this morning depending on your point of view.  I mention all the time how God speaks to me. Well not only me, but He speaks to all of us.  I believe I’m called to help other people hear God’s voice.  Yet I haven’t been banging that drum recently because some of things I felt as if He told me have not co...
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My Identity and my wrestling with my Hope and Faith

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  It was another good day.  I think I’m starting to get  a new streak and into a new groove.  What is lacking in my life is an identity.  I keep thinking about the identity I used to be, Husband, Father, Teacher, Creator.  Now that my labels have changed the adjustment period has been challenging.  I’m trying to remake my identity into something more solid.  1. Child of God, 2. Father, 3. Teacher 4. Creator   It’s that old parable of Jesus and the song I remember from Sunday School “The Wise Man builds his house upon the Rock, The foolish man builds his house upon the Sand, When the Rains come the house on the sand goes Splat.” Keep your identity on something solid and that you can control.  While you can’t control God obviously he is faithful and will always keep his promises.  That is what I’m counting on.  Old habits are hard to break.  It’s just been a challenge to redefine myself largely because I didn’t want to do so...
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Memories of the Middle East

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  It was a good day. Nothing too dramatic, nothing too good or too bad.  For the way the year is going I’ll chock that up to a good day.  Why do I feel compelled to write daily?  Well it does make me feel better about myself and my situation so the therapeutic part is certainly a factor.  I also have an addictive personality.  I have learned that’s one of the downsides of A.D.D. that we are more predilected towards addictive behavior.  So while I go through this season, I’m trying to get addicted to healthy things, thus the daily writing in the blog.  I’m also spending A LOT of time in prayer and the gym.  Since I’m alone a lot, I have lots of conversations with God.  To some that might make me sound crazy.  But these conversations are seldom just one way conversations.  God does answer but not always right away.  He’ll use others to help confirm what he’s speaking to me through my daily scripture reading and devotional....
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Did I just become Mr. Rogers?

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  A funny thing happened to me today. At least I thought it was funny and I laughed.  So that’s a good sign.  It was raining outside and I came in and hung up my raincoat.  Right next to the coat, I put on my light Warriors sweat coat because it was more comfortable (Picture below). Then I ran upstairs to take off my sneakers and put on my slippers.    I was just about to blog about what a nice beautiful day it was for me then it hit me.  I wasn’t going to mention anything about a neighborhood and I don’t have a toy train running through my town home.  However, I do have several puppets scattered throughout my home.   Does this mean that I’m officially old now?  Or have I just become Mr. Rogers?  Upon further investigation Mr. Rogers never mentioned his wife on the show so he also seemed to be single on air. (He occasionally mentioned his wife in interviews outside of the show but never on the show.).   As far as children on th...
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“Comparison steals joy when born of envy, but births gratitude when born of empathy.”

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  I have often said that I find my true happiness when I put other people needs ahead of my own. While this is great in theory it doesn’t always work in practice. Without Christ we are all flawed and selfish beings.  Even with Christ we have to fight against our sin nature of self-centeredness.  I’m at my most content when I deny self to put God and others first.  This is especially challenging when I am in despair.  But what I’m finding is that in despair is exactly when I need to put other people’s needs ahead of my own.  Maybe that is my pathway to healing to get the focus off of myself.  Feeling sorry for myself has never accomplished anything for myself.  It only digs the pit of despair more to make things worse.  We can always justify when we act or or self-medicate but that never accomplishes anything.  I hope that none of you are interpreting this blog as a means to feel sorry for me.  I do not want or need sympathy.  P...
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A haunting darkness of despair

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  I had a very strong impression a few days ago that this was going to be a very tough week. So I was able to prepare for it…or so I thought.  I did blog about this a couple of days ago.  So I had a bad day on Thursday but a surprisingly good day on Friday.  I thought I was out of the woods.  Boy was I wrong.  Yesterday, Saturday was absolutely brutal.  Did anything bad happen to me to make it horrible? no.  There was just a heaviness on me that I could almost feel.  I was filled with fear, depression and doubt.  It just kind of snuck up on me, right after I finished yesterday’s blog post around 8:00pm.  Some people believe in spiritual attacks and some people don’t.  The great line from the Usual Suspects is “The greatest trick the Devil ever did was convince the world he didn’t exist.”  I felt what can only be described as a dark presence all night last night even waking up in the middle of the night to it. Since this is...
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What a difference a day makes

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  What a difference a day makes. This was a very good day.  I was filled with peace, joy, and hope virtually the entire day with a few moments of happiness thrown in to boot.  Did anything particular happen to cause this happiness?  No, quite the opposite actually.  But because I had the early warning system from yesterday I was prepared.  Thinking I was going to have a challenging week, I didn’t react negatively when struggles happened. Two or three things occurred that could have ruined my peace.  But because I was semi-expecting them, I did not over react.  It felt great too.  I liken it to being on a beach when a rogue wave hits.  If your back is to the ocean facing away from it, when the big wave hits it will send you end over end out of control.  However when you face the wave you can stand your ground. Maybe you can also lean into it or duck under it because you are anticipating it coming.  Whenever God speaks into me li...
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Early Warning Systems

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  I believe we were created on this Earth to have Relationship with God.  In Genesis 3:8 it describes God walking in the Garden with Adam in the cool of the day.  Abraham was also called a friend of God.  David was a man after God’s own heart.  So with all this relationship business in the Bible it makes sense that God both speaks and listens to us like any normal relationship.  Too often Christians view communication with God as a one way ticket and use God as a type of Santa Claus.  We don’t spend enough time listening to Him or at least I don’t.  This communication becomes even more muddled with sin in our lives.  I know when I have sin in my life it acts like radio interference.  I try to hear from God but I can’t hear from him clearly like before. The noise sometimes drowns God’s voice or sometimes the enemy comes in and mimics God’s voice taking me off the path.  Both issues happen to me.  The Holy Spirit is a gentleman v...
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