When to speak out

Its getting harder and harder to write in this blog. I have a lot of information that Im not really privy to share. That doesn’t mean there is nothing going on. Actually it is quite the contrary. I still feel like Im in the absolute middle of God’s will. I’ve never experienced this much peace and confidence in my life. It just doesn’t make any sense, the bigger the storm, the more peace I have. I keep referring to how I relate to Joseph, how a lot of unfair things happened to him, but he still kept the faith. One aspect of the Joseph story that isn’t really taught is the beauty of silence. Sure God spoke to Joseph, but that didn’t give him license to sprout it out so soon to his brothers. Of course they took action. Because of Joseph’s impulsiveness he made life a lot harder on himself than it needed to be. The same holds true with me. I do mention several of the things which God speaks into my heart but not all of them. If I were to share everything there would be some pretty strong repercussions personally and professionally. So I have to keep a lot of it to myself. But now that I have Jennifer in my life its nice to be able to share everything with her.

I do talk a lot about my relationship with Jennifer. I think I do that because she is just such an answer to prayer. Its been a long long time since I’ve had someone to believe in me as much as she does. If Im going to change the world, she’s got to believe that I can do it too. I guess Im quite honored that she is comfortable leaving a great and secure life to walk out on the plank of faith and dive into my adventure. That’s God’s prompting, I can’t do anything to make that happen. Its like we were both called and that is why we almost instantly knew that we were destined to be together despite the age and geography. Its also nice to be with someone that is better than me at almost everything except canasta, checkers, and the ability to seamlessly repeat stories as if they are being told for the very first time. My father is the master of this, but I learned from the best. I know this seems like a vanity thing, but it makes a difference. She really thinks that Im good looking. She tells me that all the time. Im just not used to those types of praises. I think it must have been around 15 years since anyone has complimented me as much as she does. When I prayed for direction about whether I should marry her, and I honestly sought God. It wasn’t like God if she isn’t the one, then have grand piano drop from the sky with a penguin playing a Waltz on the way down. We sometimes seek God that way, which isn’t really seeking him at all. But I honestly went after but each and every time I asked, I couldn’t get the words out of my mouth before the answer was a resounding Yes. There was never any hesitation or doubt when I went after God seeking the answers. That doesn’t mean that Jennifer is perfect…Lord knows Im not either. But rather we just fit together. Both of us realize that there will be work involved to make the relationship work. But that’s the key, we both are willing to work and we are both committed to mean the “til death do us part” part. Each and everyday God’s will in my life is becoming more and more clear. Im pretty confident right now. In fact, the more things that go wrong professionally and personally, the more confident I become. That doesn’t make any sense. God is in absolute control.

I have some good news which Jennifer kind of stole my thunder. Im going to be back in the U.S. in three days. I am going to see her and Im pretty excited. My family is going to fly out to meet her. First its my parents, then my older sister Shari is going to drive down (3 hours) from Lynchburg to Raleigh. They are all excited to meet her. I really didn’t want to make that big of a deal about a second marriage because to me that just highlights that I had an earlier failed marriage. But I was quite surprised about the response that Jennifer and my story has garnered. Those who know me best, know the perceived injustice and pain that I’ve been through the past five years. I have gotten so many emails and uplifting facebook messages. Its quite overwhelming. Now that Im back on top everyone seems very genuinely not just happy, but thrilled for me. Like they are rooting for the emotional underdog that is coming out on top. My dramatic life (some of it self-imposed) has had so many dramatic twists and turns. That’s why I wanted to do something bold at the airport when my first words to Jenni were asking her to marry me. So if my life ever gets made into a movie, I can use that part as the climax, and the epilogue can read happily ever after. I know I’ll be reconciled with my children at some point because God has clearly told me that it would happen. I just have to be patient.

At first Jennifer and I wanted a small wedding, but we have so many friends and family that want to attend, it just seems to be growing. I hope it stays kind of small, but I think people want to attend because they like the themes of my life, that good guys don’t necessarily finish last. Not that im a good guy, but Im just a sinner saved by grace. Rather, maybe it gives them hope that if they keep the faith, maybe they’ll come out, not just on top, but way on top. I hope that God uses my life as an inspiration to others. I know with a few very specific people he already is.