Lohan, child actors, and various other train wrecks

What a train wreck Lindsey Lohan’s life has become. I think it is a cautionary tale not only for child actor’s life but all children of privilege when not enough discipline is meted out. We have seen the out of control stories over and over again in the world especially in athletics. A kid from poverty has millions bestowed upon him, gets the entourage with “yes” people and no one around to tell him no. Without discipline he pisses the money away, hello MC Hammer. Tiger Woods didn’t fall apart until after he lost his father and thus the discipline that he brought to hold Tiger in check even as an adult.

It even happened to Elvis. Elvis is a distant relative of mine (like 14^th or 15^th cousins) not enough to get royalties from his empire but enough to mention as a conversation piece at parties. I was able to work on two Elvis biographies early in my career. Elvis was just a poor country kid who had fame and fortune thrown upon him at an early age. His opulent lifestyle was well documented. Though he was very generous with the people surrounding him, he didn’t know how to handle the pressure and the wealth. It ultimately killed him. So when he died in 1977 he was almost bankrupt. Priscilla, a savvy businesswoman, went on the build up estate again.

OK back to Lohan. You see this lack of discipline and careening lifestyle in many of the child actors. Look at the cast of Different Strokes with Dana Plato, Todd Bridges, and Gary Coleman. Children aren’t supposed to have that much power and control. If children don’t get their discipline from their parents how are they going to learn to self-discipline. Kids get their security from their parents setting up their boundaries and then being consistent with those boundaries. It simply isn’t healthy for a child to grow up that fast.

I have always been interested in stardom and Hollywood. When I was in Hawaii in the 1970’s they were filming an episode of Hawaii 5-0 (the original with Jack Lord). I waited for hours hoping the crew would see me and discover me. Finally I was able to sit at a table by the pool when the co-star walked past. I was on the screen for a half-second in a blur shot. But I was thrilled. When I worked in Hollywood my children were “discovered” when they were infants and toddlers at a Costco. Perhaps I fell into the trap and tried to live my life through the kids and their performances which was absolutely wrong of me. I think my daughter was 3 when she got “discovered.” She was and is beautiful. We got them into acting classes and they went on several auditions. They were beautiful and talented, all three of them. We would get callbacks on about 50% of our auditions (which is very good) and then second callbacks on half of those. But by the time we got to the third call back with 10-15 equally as beautiful and talented children it became a simple crapshoot. We booked several commercials, a few minor bits on a TV series, and some print work but never the big national spot or starring role that would go to cover the kids college tuition. We probably would have better odds at playing the lottery. The pressure on those auditions was intense. The parents would get into the child’s face like a coach would a player and try to hype them up but it wound up scaring the kids. Some of the things that I saw were appalling. I tried not to emulate that with my children. Now this isn’t just child actors, it’s a problems with sports, and any other example when there is not enough discipline meted out. I remember when my middle son was playing baseball at the age of 5 I think. I overhead a parent talking that they were targeting the big leagues for their child. “What!” The kid was 5.

Now my children had a little bit of success in Hollywood but we were sure to keep them in check with the discipline. That is until my divorce. Now it sucks that I have no authority to discipline my kids. I do believe my kids are great and I do love them, but how they are responding to me at present is wrong. The frustrating thing is that I can do very little about it. My ex decided to let the kids make their own choices in which they are too young to do so. (Its interesting that she only allows them to make their own choices as long as it adheres to what she wants. When its not she manipulates the situation until she gets the response she desires). Fortunately, I can see through this parental alienation and in no way do I harbor any resentment towards the kids. I blame the source. I still love the kids and know that they will see my heart someday.

OK, back to the child actor thing. I remember being at a party once with a high powered and seasoned agent. He mentioned that he would never allow his children to be child actors and any responsible parent would do likewise. I took issue with him since my kids were doing the child acting thing at the time. But in hindsight, he was right. Kids crave discipline its essential to their development. When that discipline isn’t there the children grow up too fast. Kids grow up too fast enough today anyways.

Think about it, if we all had a little more self-discipline, wouldn’t this world be a better place. It all starts at home. “Spare the rod, spoil the child.”