I didn't ask for all this flexibility...but I'm making the best of it.

 It dawned on me earlier today.  I’ve been married for more than half of my life.  Now this might not seem like a great accomplishment for those of you that are over 50 and have had one marriage to your name (which is the way God designed it to be…but I digress).  I have two 15 year marriages and I just turned 57.  So more than half my life was spent with the responsibility of being a husband/father.  One of the ways I’ve tried to live my life was putting other people’s needs ahead of my own for most of the time.  That’s been the ideal anyway.  So when you’re in a God centered marriage, God comes first, wife second, children 3rd, occupation 4th, then the rest you can fill in according to your convictions.  So more than half my life I’ve tried to put my wife’s/family needs ahead of my own.  So much so in fact that I didn’t have a life/identity outside of being a family man.  That is taking it’s toll on my identity now that I’m separated again.  But we’ve covered that previously.  That’s another tricky thing about being separated, How does a someone make friends in their middle-aged years?  There’s an old church joke I’ve heard and I think I might have mentioned it a couple of weeks ago.  What was Jesus’ greatest miracle?  Making friends after the age of 30.  My male readers are laughing.  Friendship takes an investment of time and energy.  For half my life I’d rather put that energy into my wife and kids.  They are the lifetime investment theoretically anyway.  I didn’t have nor make the time for friendships.  I still have life long friends from high school, college, grad school (before I got married) hat I connect with occasionally more so now.  There is no one local I can call just to hang out with.  I don’t want to impose myself and be intrusive into someone else’s family.  Im learning to be OK with this and trying not to consider myself lonely.  If you were a fly on my wall in my townhouse, you’d think I was crazy/schizoophrenic or bipolar.  Because even though there isn’t anyone around, there is a lot of conversation happening.  I spend a lot of time talking out loud to God.  I have many conversations.  I think that’s the way we were designed to be.  Didn’t God walk in the Garden with Adam?  It says in Proverbs 18:24:” A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Abraham was also called a friend of God.  It’s one of my favorite Lakewood Church songs as well “Friend of God.”  So even though I’m alone there are conversations happening.  Most of the conversations recently include me crying out to God.  “God I don’t like this!, God I’m lonely.  God I’m miserable. God restore my family. God fill me with your spirit. God help me be righteous.  God fill me with Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, Faithfulness and Self Control.  When I run out of things to talk about I resort to praise and worship which really helps as well.  

With that said, I’m building on what I wrote yesterday about Making the Best of It. This involves one of the potential benefits of living alone with no other outside responsibilities.  I work around 50-60 hours a week for two main jobs.  I work out at the gym 5-6 days a week for 1 hour+. I reward myself with a massage chair at the end, so that’s my incentive.    I also spend a great deal of time going to church and in my own personal devotional space.  So it’s not like Im wasting a lot of time through my day.  Though I could stand to read a few more books but that’s another blog.  Today was an unusual day, which was welcome.   I was able to sleep in without setting an alarm clock.  After waking up at 7:30a on my own,  I decided to go to early service.  My girls, when I have them, usually like to go to late service.  So I made the executive decision to take myself to early service at Summit Church, West Cary Campus, my home church.  There are a lot of people praying for me/my family/situation at that church.  I swung by Biscuitville before the service to get my free Birthday Bacon Egg and Cheese Biscuit.  I went to church.  Lately I always go up front to get additional prayer because it can’t hurt and prayer works.  So after church I went to work out for an hour.  It was arm/chest/shoulders day.  After the workout I went to McDonalds.  OK, this might be considered unethical, so please leave a comment if I offend you.  It also might make me seem incredibly hypocritical since I spout on about God all the time in this blog.  But my routine is I take a sandwich in to McD’s and get a free french fries with the purchase of a soda so I eat out for $1.61.  Now that they are playing the new Monopoly game as well, I get two Monopoly game pieces.  McDonalds has received so much of my money through the years I feel like this exchange evens out over my lifetime.  So I go eat lunch and watch whatever series I’m binge watching at the time so I don’t have to eat alone.  Right now it’s Slow Horses on Apple TV (the best show on TV right now).  At the tail end of lunch I was trying to figure out how to spend my afternoon.  I am recording the Raider Game so I can watch it later (Im a glutton for sports punishment apparently).  If I record it and watch it later, I can skip through the commercials and speed through the game if/when the Raiders eventually fall behind to lose. Low expectations help me not be disappointed. What’s the definition of Sports Insanity? Going to watch the Raider game and thinking they might win.   But what to do before then?  I check the movie times.  I joined AMC’s monthly A-list.  So that means for $23/month I can see unlimited movies.  I have a lot of time on my hands now with family obligations only taking up a fraction of the time I used to have to take. I also LOVE watching movies.  The mental/psychological break gets my mind of being alone for a bit.  It’s a nice respite.   So there was a movie starting in 30 minutes.  I try to time it so I come 25 minutes after the posted show time so I skip the trailers/commercials.  It’s more efficient that way.  I usually get there just in time for Nicole Kidman to spout out about the wonder of movies in an empty movie theater.   The timing worked out perfectly.  So I finish lunch and head out to the new PT Anderson movie: One Battle After the Other, which is/was brilliant.  It got 90% on Rotten Tomatoes.  I refuse (with very few exceptions) to see a movie with lower than 80% RT score.  I also ordered dinner from Too Good To Go.  Essentially that’s a discount website.  Instead of restaurants throwing out food, they package unsold/unused portions you can go pick up before they throw it out at a fraction of the price usually before closing.  I think it’s being a good steward.  My wife/kids think it’s dumpster diving.  But hey I can do what I want right? Flexibility.  So as soon as finish this blog in about 4 sentences I’m headed out to grab Buena Papas Potato Bar for dinner and bringing back to watch the Raiders lose (probably).  I didn’t ask for all this flexibility, but I’m making the best of it.  Today was a great day.  Thank you for sharing it with me.