Nothing seems to work!
It’s been a really difficult week for me. Growing up in the church, I was taught from a young age that if you believe hard enough you can pray anything into existence. Mountain into the sea? No problem, it just takes the faith of the mustard seed (which is tiny.) Well I’ve been praying, praying praying for my situation to change. I came to the realization that no matter how hard I pray or for how long, no matter how much faith I have, my situation might not change. That hurt and it hurt bad. This slow realization (I’ve been in denial a lot, thinking my faith would pull me through) that my situation might not change hit me hard this week. The emotional pain was palpable. Despite my grief and my temporary darkness, I’m one of the happiest and most positive people you’ll ever meet. At least I try to come across that way. I feel like I haven’t been “me” for a year now. There will be moments of levity but it’s been a struggle....