Rick Beeman

  I feel as if I’m on a roller coaster of emotion.  I had such a spectacular 3 days with my girls.  The thing is, because of the separation my time with them is limited.  So I’m learning to maximize every moment that I have.  I know I should have been doing this all along.    My focus is only on them so I don’t bother writing in the blog or exercising or doing anything else that I normally do when I am alone. Now that I’ve returned them I’m back to feeling alone again.  As high as my high for the past three days was, I’m trying to avoid the low of loneliness.  I know God is there for me and I’ll embrace Him but now I’m just feeling the raw emotion of loss.  It sucks.  So let me recount the good from this past weekend and hopefully that will lift my spirits.   I got the girls on Friday and we like to plan out the weekend’s meals. They like to eat healthy, something I don’t do as much as I should when I’m alone.   ...

  I have been writing quite a bit lately about the confounding peace that I am experiencing in the midst of all the unhappiness. I am quite surprised by it all even as I experience brief moments of joy and happiness.  I am trying to keep this all in perspective as I know that there will be good days and bad days and a lot of Blah days.  Today was a bad day.  I’m just really discouraged.  I know intellectually that I’ll get through it and tomorrow will be a better day.  But right now I’m just down.  I can’t do anything to fix my situation or make it better and that is the frustrating part of it all.  The only thing I can do is just not make it any worse and endure.  I have found a good strategy when these moods come upon me (other than the obvious with a lot of prayer and praise) is to call it a day and go to sleep early.  That surprisingly has been quite effective.  Yet at 8:41 pm as I write this, I just can’t bring myself to go to ...

  I”m out of routine right now but all for good reasons. There are a few different things I am trying to habitually do to keep myself healthy.  I’ve admitted on this blog that I have an addictive personality (including Love addiction which I’m learning a lot about right now) I think I have it because of ADD and other factors.  So to combat this I am trying to get addicted to healthy things.  Usually this is good for me.  So some of the things I’m trying to do every day:  Daily Bible reading, prayer on my way to work in my car, Lots of praise/worship throughout the day, exercise 5-6 days a week, meeting with men that will lift me up and strengthen my spiritual walk and sobriety and writing in this blog/journaling, So I have been out of routine when I have my girls.  I drop all my single habits and focus on maximizing my time with my children.  So when they are around I usually skip the gym. It has been a couple of days since I’ve gone and exercised...