Medium Days

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 I’ve had so many horrible days and good days recently. I feel like I’m flipping back and forth.  That’s when a medium day like today happens and it throws me for a loop.  No great insight to share, Nothing really good or bad happened today and I suppose that is a good thing.  I have two really busy days in my week, Monday and Thursday. Today was one of those days.  Normally I choose to exercise with my spare hour or two but today I’m choosing sleep. (I stayed up too late watching the Super Bowl last night.)   I chose this schedule of busyness so I’m not alone that often.  Yet sometimes that wears on me.  I’m trying to be careful not to waste too much time.  I do watch a lot of movies/tv but that’s primarily during meal times.  I don’t ever eat alone, instead I watch a show while I eat so I don’t feel so alone.  That seems to work.  I am still charging hard after God.  I know this mental and physical space is only temporary.  I feel as if I’m treading water before my life can turn in a specific direction.  I do have an uneasy peace about it all.  I know God has gotten me through tough jams before and there is no reason why He won’t get me out of this one as well.  


I feel as if I keep repeating myself in this blog.  I know I’ll get through this.  Certain days I believe it more than other days.  I just have to rely on the little victories that happen day by day. There were few minor ones today.  My best student editors are training other editors to take their place.  Other than my romantic/emotional life which is dead, my life is pretty good.   I’m looking forward to the next month/year where I can proudly say, You see God got me out of this mess too.  I grimace sometimes in shame knowing I brought some of this on myself.  But I can’t change the past.  I can only rely upon the future.  One of my favorite quotes from the late John Osteen (Joel’s father) is God doesn’t unscramble an egg, but he can make a beautiful omelette out of it.  Im relying upon that.  


It’s frustrating as a believer I was always taught that if you pray long and hard enough for something God will make it happen.  Now I’m coming to the realization that it might not be true.  Did I read it wrong?  Am I praying it wrong?  I don’t know the answers to those questions.  I just know that whatever situation that I find myself in the future God will change me to be able to adapt to my situation.  I keep writing this hoping that words on the page will help it come to pass.  My prayers are taking the form of this blog.  I’m going to be early tonight as I’m finding that’s a key tool in my mental health.  God will find a way, I’m certain of it. 


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