Out of routine, flexibility and unexpected joy.

 I”m out of routine right now but all for good reasons. There are a few different things I am trying to habitually do to keep myself healthy.  I’ve admitted on this blog that I have an addictive personality (including Love addiction which I’m learning a lot about right now) I think I have it because of ADD and other factors.  So to combat this I am trying to get addicted to healthy things.  Usually this is good for me.  So some of the things I’m trying to do every day:  Daily Bible reading, prayer on my way to work in my car, Lots of praise/worship throughout the day, exercise 5-6 days a week, meeting with men that will lift me up and strengthen my spiritual walk and sobriety and writing in this blog/journaling, So I have been out of routine when I have my girls.  I drop all my single habits and focus on maximizing my time with my children.  So when they are around I usually skip the gym. It has been a couple of days since I’ve gone and exercised. That’s why I love long walks with them as I can do spend time with the girls and exercise, two birds one stone.  I had my day planned out to exercise, do chores, maybe watch a basketball game.  My plans were upended when my eldest asked for a ride home because she wanted to skip riding the bus today so she could do homework.  Wait, but I already had my day planned out.  Part of me wanted to tell her no and for her to suck it up. My routine was about to be in full swing.  But then I stopped myself.  What a wonderful opportunity that was just presented to me to spend time with my daughter.  I quickly talked sense into myself and agreed.  It wasn’t that difficult to move things around.  Now nothing spectacular happened, I am just really enjoying her/their company and I’m trying to maximize my time by being completely present.  Now did I do this when I lived with them?  I tried to but I wasn’t 100% sold out like I am now.  A bonus perk of the rearrangement is that I got to see my youngest as well briefly when I picked up my eldest for soccer practice.  It’s always such a breath of fresh air seeing my little one.  She is always so excited to see me.  It’s genuine joy.  Seeing her face light up just because she sees me does wonders for my esteem.  It turned a pretty good day into a really good day.  

So I was able to hang with the eldest for a few extra bonus minutes.  I dropped her off and still made it to my workout later than I had scheduled.  I didn’t realize how much I needed that brief interaction.  Again I’m counting every opportunity as a positive when I get to see them.  I’m not looking at it as in “not” being able to see them for a majority.  I’m counting my blessings everyday.  This gives me hope and sways my perception of the events both in my control and out of my control.  Right now, I don’t think my faith has ever been stronger. Circumstantially I still am missing my family.  But my faith is allowing me to experience peace and joy in a time which I should be filled with despair. God is helping me to be alone but not lonely but it’s a process I’m getting better at every day.    This season is ending soon, I just know it.  How and when will it end?  I have no idea as it is out of my control.  But I trust God that whatever happens, my peace and joy will continue as will my hope.  For now I’m going to embrace the little things to help me keep going.