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Praise you in this Storm

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It was another good day. Nothing spectacular happened today to make it good and maybe that is why it is good.  I want these types of days to be the norm, not the exception.  I’m still filled with Hope.  Why is there anything happening?  Is there something to look forward to?  Not really other than unexpectedly seeing my daughter for an extra unplanned weekend.  My hope is from the Lord.  I’ve been singing this Psalm 121 all day long:   1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—  where does my help come from? 2 My help comes from the Lord,  the Maker of heaven and earth. 3 He will not let your foot slip—  he who watches over you will not slumber; 4 indeed, he who watches over Israel  will neither slumber nor sleep. 5 The Lord watches over you—  the Lord is your shade at your right hand; 6 the sun will not harm you by day,  nor the moon by night. 7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—  he will watch over your life; 8 the Lord will watch over your c...
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Four great days in a row!

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  Four good to great days in a row!  That has to be some sort of 2025 record. I’ll take it.  I’m stacking wins so when the depressing days roll in, I’ll have enough joy in bank account to make a withdrawal to see me through for the next time depression hits.  I battled it a bit last night as the “Adjustment Disorder with Depressed Mood” kicked in.  That just means I really miss my family when they are not around.  But I turned to my faith and cried out to God.  What made it even more challenging (superficial I know) the Raiders lost another heart breaker last night on a failed 2 point conversion try in overtime.  I wish I didn’t root for them but they symbolize my childhood and I’m pretty darn loyal even to my detriment.  It’s funny, all the teams I rooted for as a child from Oakland, Raiders, A’s, and Warriors have all relocated. I can’t blame them too much because I relocated away as well.   One good thing about my situation in be...
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One of the best weekends in a while

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  I haven’t written in awhile, because I was trying to be completely present for my girls and I was.  I only have them for about 15% of the month so I try to savor each moment with them.  On Friday (Halloween) my wife invited me over for Trick or Treating at their house.  It was the first time I’ve been in the house since the separation.  It was strange.  I brought pizzas (My teenager had a sleepover party)  and a back up bag of candy.  It was surreal being back in the house.  My dog and my youngest were thrilled to have me back.  I was trying to temper my excitement the best I could.  It felt as If I were part of a family again, even for a few brief moments.  I had to keep reminding myself not to get my hopes up, and I failed in that department.  I’m a dreamer.   It seems as if our neighborhood is a halloween hub.  We have a ton of trick or treaters.  My job has always been to sit on the porch and make...
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A wonderful day.

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 More details tomorrow.  I just wanted to revel in the positivity.  I’m so worn out but with joy.  
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Coincidence or Providence?

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  I mentioned yesterday that I was struggling with NOT wanting to get my hopes up and how that was contradictory to my faith. If I’m praying for something shouldn’t I naturally get my hopes up for it?  I’m a little bit jaded emotionally because I am tired of heartbreak and I don’t want to be hurt or go through that pain again.  So I’m emotionally insulating myself, but is that the right thing to do?  God instructs that if you have enough faith you can move a mountain.  I’ve never been able to move mountains so I guess I must be deficient in the faith department.  Or at times I feel like I am.  Then something peculiar or fantastic happened this morning depending on your point of view.  I mention all the time how God speaks to me. Well not only me, but He speaks to all of us.  I believe I’m called to help other people hear God’s voice.  Yet I haven’t been banging that drum recently because some of things I felt as if He told me have not co...
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My Identity and my wrestling with my Hope and Faith

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  It was another good day.  I think I’m starting to get  a new streak and into a new groove.  What is lacking in my life is an identity.  I keep thinking about the identity I used to be, Husband, Father, Teacher, Creator.  Now that my labels have changed the adjustment period has been challenging.  I’m trying to remake my identity into something more solid.  1. Child of God, 2. Father, 3. Teacher 4. Creator   It’s that old parable of Jesus and the song I remember from Sunday School “The Wise Man builds his house upon the Rock, The foolish man builds his house upon the Sand, When the Rains come the house on the sand goes Splat.” Keep your identity on something solid and that you can control.  While you can’t control God obviously he is faithful and will always keep his promises.  That is what I’m counting on.  Old habits are hard to break.  It’s just been a challenge to redefine myself largely because I didn’t want to do so...
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Memories of the Middle East

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  It was a good day. Nothing too dramatic, nothing too good or too bad.  For the way the year is going I’ll chock that up to a good day.  Why do I feel compelled to write daily?  Well it does make me feel better about myself and my situation so the therapeutic part is certainly a factor.  I also have an addictive personality.  I have learned that’s one of the downsides of A.D.D. that we are more predilected towards addictive behavior.  So while I go through this season, I’m trying to get addicted to healthy things, thus the daily writing in the blog.  I’m also spending A LOT of time in prayer and the gym.  Since I’m alone a lot, I have lots of conversations with God.  To some that might make me sound crazy.  But these conversations are seldom just one way conversations.  God does answer but not always right away.  He’ll use others to help confirm what he’s speaking to me through my daily scripture reading and devotional....
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