Rick Beeman

  It was bound to happen eventually.  I knew I couldn’t keep my remarkable (for me) streak of three great days in a row going.  But there is a silver lining.  This still was a pretty good day.  Nothing remarkable or out of the ordinary happened.  Although I’m looking forward to a bonus Veteran’s Day holiday off tomorrow.  So what makes me hopeful and optimistic, is I’m hoping this level is my new normal.  I’m filled with peace and joy today even though nothing really good or great happened.  If I did indeed turn a corner and this is my reality, then I can learn to accept that.  Things of course will get better in the future when circumstances can help dictate happiness. And when I can combine happiness with the foundation of peace and joy….man that is really living.    But If I can keep this baseline of Peace and Joy when nothing is happening, I’ll take that as a win. It sure seems better than the alternative. Being down in the...

  I felt several weeks ago that I turned a corner. That didn’t mean that everything was suddenly OK.  Instead the tide turned as far as I think Ive been through the worst of it.  So what does that mean?  Will things not get any worse?  Oh, I think things might get worse but I can now confidently say I can control what I can control even if things don’t go the way I’m praying.  I’ve picked up some skills along the way, the most important of which are spiritual skills.  I have learned to rely upon my faith wholeheartedly even during the dark times.  I know whatever happens will ultimately happen for my good because I’m doing my part.  I just have to trust for everything else.   I’m so blessed because I just finished out with 3 great days in a row.  I know that might not sound like much but I’d probably have to go back to 2024 to find three consecutive great days.  I’ll take it.  I was anticipating a great weekend and I ...

  STOP THE PRESSES: TWO GREAT DAYS IN A ROW!  Does that reference mean anything anymore?  My first actual job was working at a newspaper (Daily Review) when I was 12 years old. I was the last person (I think) to ever sell newspapers outside a subway station (Hayward BART) think Newsies.  The Late Dennis Richmond always bought a paper from me on his way to host the KTVU Newscast.  Then I worked at the actual newspaper stuffing advertising inserts together for the Sunday paper.  I had a good work ethic when I was 12-14.  I knew my dad was rich, but I didn’t want to be considered the spoiled Rich Kid so I worked as hard as I could to save up for a nice car.  The car wound up being a used 1982 Camaro.  So Stop the Presses might be a phrase from a bygone era that younger generations might not know about. Phrases that might include “Don’t Touch that Dial”, “Hang up the phone,” or “Be Kind Rewind”   So I am burying the lead (Another bygone phra...

  Today was not a good day. It was a great day.  How often have I been able to say that in 2025?  Not much.  For the first time in long time I like my life.  I’ve been trying to be very transparent with you readers, myself and God.  I’ve cried out plenty of times that I didn’t like the way things were going in my life. Hope has been pretty scarce as I battle my grief and miss my wife and family.    What has kept my head above water is knowing that this is all temporary.  I know that God is faithful and He has good things in store for me as long as I’m faithful.  I have been faithful for awhile now.  I also know there is nothing else I can do for my family at the moment except be present when I have them and to Seek God first.  I’m doing that and I’m expecting God’s rewards soon because He always keeps his promises.   I woke up again with a heaviness all around me.  This is the third time this week.  I do bel...

  I feel as if I am in a spiritual and psychological battle with an In his prime Mike Tyson. I’m trying to withstand the heavy blows. This morning I woke up with such a heaviness that was pretty inexplicable.  I make a habit of the first thing that comes out of my mouth (outloud) after the alarm bell rings is “This is the day the Lord has made.  I will rejoice and be glad in it.”  Its a good way to start out the day.  Since I’m alone most of the time I just talk out loud to God like someone you are having a conversation with.  It’s not awkward when you are by yourself.  I’m also quite honest with Him.  Like God I don’t like this…or God I’m lonely…or God I need hope.  I also throw in a lot of praise and thanksgiving in order to balance it out.  Sometimes God answers in pretty cool ways, often times he does not.  That’s the time where there is one set of footprints in the sand. iykyk This morning on my commute into work I just felt th...

  Short answer: “I don’t know.”  Longer more contemplative answer I think Im starting to figure out the difference once again between happiness and joy.  Being happy might be overstating it a bit.  I’m more at Peace with a little Hope thrown in for good measure.  But the spurt of happiness doesn’t make any sense.  I shouldn’t be hopeful.  Almost everything went wrong for me today.  Some of it was a result of my mistakes and some of it not.  But the frustration and disappointment had different peaks from morning, to afternoon to evening.  Seemingly nothing went right.  Then inexplicably I felt a peace come over me in the early evening when I should have been at my absolutely lowest moment.  Then I started to get hopeful.  Did something happen to me to cause this?  Not really it’s still mostly bad with a few bright flashes thrown in there.  The only thing keeping me going right now, other than my children, is my un...

It was another good day. Nothing spectacular happened today to make it good and maybe that is why it is good.  I want these types of days to be the norm, not the exception.  I’m still filled with Hope.  Why is there anything happening?  Is there something to look forward to?  Not really other than unexpectedly seeing my daughter for an extra unplanned weekend.  My hope is from the Lord.  I’ve been singing this Psalm 121 all day long:   1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—  where does my help come from? 2 My help comes from the Lord,  the Maker of heaven and earth. 3 He will not let your foot slip—  he who watches over you will not slumber; 4 indeed, he who watches over Israel  will neither slumber nor sleep. 5 The Lord watches over you—  the Lord is your shade at your right hand; 6 the sun will not harm you by day,  nor the moon by night. 7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—  he will watch over your life; 8 the Lord will watch over your c...

  Four good to great days in a row!  That has to be some sort of 2025 record. I’ll take it.  I’m stacking wins so when the depressing days roll in, I’ll have enough joy in bank account to make a withdrawal to see me through for the next time depression hits.  I battled it a bit last night as the “Adjustment Disorder with Depressed Mood” kicked in.  That just means I really miss my family when they are not around.  But I turned to my faith and cried out to God.  What made it even more challenging (superficial I know) the Raiders lost another heart breaker last night on a failed 2 point conversion try in overtime.  I wish I didn’t root for them but they symbolize my childhood and I’m pretty darn loyal even to my detriment.  It’s funny, all the teams I rooted for as a child from Oakland, Raiders, A’s, and Warriors have all relocated. I can’t blame them too much because I relocated away as well.   One good thing about my situation in be...

  I haven’t written in awhile, because I was trying to be completely present for my girls and I was.  I only have them for about 15% of the month so I try to savor each moment with them.  On Friday (Halloween) my wife invited me over for Trick or Treating at their house.  It was the first time I’ve been in the house since the separation.  It was strange.  I brought pizzas (My teenager had a sleepover party)  and a back up bag of candy.  It was surreal being back in the house.  My dog and my youngest were thrilled to have me back.  I was trying to temper my excitement the best I could.  It felt as If I were part of a family again, even for a few brief moments.  I had to keep reminding myself not to get my hopes up, and I failed in that department.  I’m a dreamer.   It seems as if our neighborhood is a halloween hub.  We have a ton of trick or treaters.  My job has always been to sit on the porch and make...

 More details tomorrow.  I just wanted to revel in the positivity.  I’m so worn out but with joy.  

  I mentioned yesterday that I was struggling with NOT wanting to get my hopes up and how that was contradictory to my faith. If I’m praying for something shouldn’t I naturally get my hopes up for it?  I’m a little bit jaded emotionally because I am tired of heartbreak and I don’t want to be hurt or go through that pain again.  So I’m emotionally insulating myself, but is that the right thing to do?  God instructs that if you have enough faith you can move a mountain.  I’ve never been able to move mountains so I guess I must be deficient in the faith department.  Or at times I feel like I am.  Then something peculiar or fantastic happened this morning depending on your point of view.  I mention all the time how God speaks to me. Well not only me, but He speaks to all of us.  I believe I’m called to help other people hear God’s voice.  Yet I haven’t been banging that drum recently because some of things I felt as if He told me have not co...

  It was another good day.  I think I’m starting to get  a new streak and into a new groove.  What is lacking in my life is an identity.  I keep thinking about the identity I used to be, Husband, Father, Teacher, Creator.  Now that my labels have changed the adjustment period has been challenging.  I’m trying to remake my identity into something more solid.  1. Child of God, 2. Father, 3. Teacher 4. Creator   It’s that old parable of Jesus and the song I remember from Sunday School “The Wise Man builds his house upon the Rock, The foolish man builds his house upon the Sand, When the Rains come the house on the sand goes Splat.” Keep your identity on something solid and that you can control.  While you can’t control God obviously he is faithful and will always keep his promises.  That is what I’m counting on.  Old habits are hard to break.  It’s just been a challenge to redefine myself largely because I didn’t want to do so...

  It was a good day. Nothing too dramatic, nothing too good or too bad.  For the way the year is going I’ll chock that up to a good day.  Why do I feel compelled to write daily?  Well it does make me feel better about myself and my situation so the therapeutic part is certainly a factor.  I also have an addictive personality.  I have learned that’s one of the downsides of A.D.D. that we are more predilected towards addictive behavior.  So while I go through this season, I’m trying to get addicted to healthy things, thus the daily writing in the blog.  I’m also spending A LOT of time in prayer and the gym.  Since I’m alone a lot, I have lots of conversations with God.  To some that might make me sound crazy.  But these conversations are seldom just one way conversations.  God does answer but not always right away.  He’ll use others to help confirm what he’s speaking to me through my daily scripture reading and devotional....

  A funny thing happened to me today. At least I thought it was funny and I laughed.  So that’s a good sign.  It was raining outside and I came in and hung up my raincoat.  Right next to the coat, I put on my light Warriors sweat coat because it was more comfortable (Picture below). Then I ran upstairs to take off my sneakers and put on my slippers.    I was just about to blog about what a nice beautiful day it was for me then it hit me.  I wasn’t going to mention anything about a neighborhood and I don’t have a toy train running through my town home.  However, I do have several puppets scattered throughout my home.   Does this mean that I’m officially old now?  Or have I just become Mr. Rogers?  Upon further investigation Mr. Rogers never mentioned his wife on the show so he also seemed to be single on air. (He occasionally mentioned his wife in interviews outside of the show but never on the show.).   As far as children on th...