An American in North Carolina

Top 10 of 2011 #3 - #1

2012-01-09T07:59:00.000+03:00

The is the last of the three part installment of my top 10list of 2011. At first I didn’t think2011 was all that great. But on carefulrecollection in going over the list I have discovered/remembered that 2011 wasactually quite remarkable for me. I thinkthat is the value of counting your blessings and looking back for a shorttime. One shouldn’t live their life inthe past, but rather use it as a springboard for justification of theiroptimism that their future will be brighter. My father always said, “May the best of your yesterdays be the worst ofyour tomorrows.” Again, I referenceRomans 8:28, as a believer each year should get better and better otherwiseyou’re not doing it right. Sometimes theLord works in mysterious ways. Actuallyin my life, that’s the norm. God doesn’talways make sense in the present. Onlyin retrospect I see how His perfect plan had unfolded. Take Tim Tebow for instance. I am a life long Oakland Raider fanatic. Thus my sworn enemies in the football senseare the Denver Broncos, our most bitter rival. Yet, I can’t help but rooting for Tim Tebow. God is giving him an incredible platform inwhich to share his faith and convictions. Tebow is defying all the critics telling him he is a lousy quarterbackand can’t win. Yet here Tebow is, aftera 3 game losing streak going into the playoffs where he can’t seem to do anythingright. Suddenly he’s the reincarnationof Joe Montana. The whole year of Tebowdefies logical explanation really. Thatis how God likes to work I think. Hechooses the unremarkable people to do remarkable things and that way His glorycan shine through even brighter. If youknow anything about me, I will be the first to tell you how very unremarkable Iam. I am tenacious though. I don’t know when to quit. That has turned out to be a good thing. On with the list.

#3 Meeting Ed Summers. At SAS, I have been able to meet a lot of very smart and talentedpeople. There is a lot of brainpower atthis company. I had the great privilegeto work on several projects with a computer programmer named Ed Summers. Ed leads the accessibility team at SAS, is agreat dad and husband and programs intricate computer code from memory. Oh, one thing I should mention about Ed, He’sBlind!!!! Can you believe that!?!?!? How can you program code without being ableto see anything? Ed used to have hisvision, but it slowly deteriorated starting when he was around 11. About 10 years ago, he lost it almostcompletely. Yet Ed did an admirablething and did not let his disability define his potential. After some soul-searching Ed decided that hecould master his obstacles and overcome them. Ed programs code in his head from memory. The best analogy I can make to this isBeethoven after he lost his hearing, composed his 9^th symphony (myfavorite, the one from Die Hard, Joyful,Joyful we adore thee) Overcome the obstacles Ed did in a big way. Now he is inspiring countless others how toovercome their own obstacles, like this writer for instance. I think I make an immediate connection withEd because he story is so dramatic and I seem to be drawn to drama. I thought I could relate to him. While I didn’t suffer a devastating physicaldisability (I don’t count my diabetes, to me that is more of an annoyance) ratherI suffered an emotional disability with the loss of my first family. Which I have well documented in thisblog. But rather than be defined byloss, by the grace of God I chose to be defined by what could be. That sense of hope and optimism is what pavedthe way for so many blessings which led to opportunities which led directly to#2 and #1. It seems that each and everyone of us has some sort of disability, be it physical, emotional, or psychologicalthat we need to overcome. The outcome ofour battle determines our character and our destiny.

#2A, Thanksgiving with my family. OK, so this isn't really a proper top 10 list, since I had to squeeze in 11. Unfortunately, I knew that this was going to be one of the last holidays that I get to spend with my kids. Once they turn 18 they are under no obligation to see me and they have let me know, in no uncertain terms, that will be the case. I hope and pray that changes but really its out of my control and has been for some time. In the mean time I will just continue to love them unconditionally. So for Thanksgiving 2011 I flew into Houston and drove non-stop with my three children in tow to North Carolina. It was an eventful trip as a deer hit me at 3:00 AM outside a gas station in South Carolina, and then 15 minutes from home after 19 hours of driving I get a speeding ticket. Not that I didn't deserve it, because I did...I was just so close to home. For Thanksgiving, Jennifer and her aunt prepared a delicious feast. It was my first homecooked holiday meal in...well...I can't really remember the last time but it was probably since I lived in Oklahoma in 2002. So just having my kids, Jennifer's aunt Delores, Uncle Jerry, Cousin David, and my parents with Jennifer and Sloan. That was just magic to me. I just wanted to catch time in a bottle hoping it wouldn't end. I just love those kids soooooo much. It really was special for me.

This was our Christmas card from this year, if you didn't get it,
we don't have your address.

#2 Living with Jennifer full-time. I know that sounds a little weird for ahighlight to be living with my wife, but Jennifer and I have had a very weirdrelationship thus far. Its just now thatwe seem to be settling into some sort of normalcy. Jennifer and I knew that we would marry eachother instinctively from our second conversation. We call it love at first Skype. There are so many ways that Jennifer and Iare perfect for each other that it would take four or five blogs just to listall the points which I have in multiple previous blogs. It would be redundant. Jennifer and I knew that our marriage to eachother was inevitable, almost unavoidable. We had a choice to make. We knewbecause of our careers that we would be separated physically for a short periodof time. We could either bedating/engaged while we were separated or be married and be physicallyseparated. So we got married and eventhough we were half a world a part we were less lonely. We were able to see each other about everyother month. It was difficult but bearable. Thus when I finally did move back to the U.S.(Highlight #6) we had to learn to live with each other. I can see how there were many reasons why Godtold me to marry Jennifer as soon as possible. One of which being I don’t believe in sex outside of marriage and with agirl as striking as Jennifer added to the fact that I had been single for fouryears, well…that just provided even additional incentive. But it all worked out because I love Jennifernow more than ever and there is nothing that is going to stop that love fromgrowing even deeper as long as we both focus on God. This love had led directly to highlight #1.

#1 Birth of Sloan. OK, when Jennifer told me that she was pregnant that changed everythingliterally. Our plans just went up insmoke. But upon hindsight it was totallyGod’s play though and through. OK..I amgoing to be perfectly candid in this blog like I always have strived tobe. I have three children from aprevious marriage. I love these kidswith all my heart. I loved being a dadto them and raising them until everything went Kablooey. My biggest prayer is that one day myrelationship with my children will be restored and they will know how much Ilove them. So with my history with mykids, I was afraid that with the new baby I would be like “Been there donethat.” Fortunately that has NOT been thecase. If you haven’t seen the birthvideo, Jennifer was very courageous. Itcan be found here…but be forewarned…its not for the faint of heart. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0g-7FyoBLPE

When our precious daughter Sloan was being born I rememberbeing so caught up with emotion. As thebaby was coming down the chute I just broke out in tears. I don’t think I had done that before. To me the moment was particularly lifedefining. It was the poetic culminationof God’s faithfulness. I’ve heard itsaid when one door is closed, God will open another one. Well my door wasslammed shut and God just has emphatically opened another one. Thiswas the completion of the emotional restoration in my life. I call it Life Take 2. I consider myself so lucky/blessed. Not many people in this world get a secondchance at life and here I have one on a silver platter. Not only am I living my second half, but Ifeel like I have been given a silver platter in which to experience life. This is not to say that Jennifer and I areloaded financially, but rather we both feel we are abundantly blessed in almostevery conceivable way. It’s good to beme right now. Four years ago…not somuch. But Sloan was such a beautifulblessing. I didn’t really like thenewborn phase that much…because babies are boring (I think the nurturing,cuddling) is a mom thing. But now iswhen the fun is really starting. Sloanis six months old now, and developing a personality. I get to see life played out again on a grandstage. This time seems a littledifferent, though, better. They say timeflies, but for me time seems to be slowing down so I can savor this incrediblegift of a family. I think I am takingthe time to stop and smell the roses. Iam smelling each and every rose and taking my time in doing so. I think my story is a great one, especiallysince it has such an unpredictable happy ending. I feel like I’m called to tell as many peopleas possible about my great story as a tribute to God’s faithfulness. Because if He can do it for me, surely he cando it for you.

2011 turned out to be quite an outstanding year (even if theRaiders missed the playoffs again).

Top 10 of 2011 #6 - #4

2012-01-04T04:54:00.000+03:00

This is a continuation of the my top 10 list of 2011. I would greatly encourage you, if you haven’talready started doing one of these of your own, that you do so. It can be a great reminder of God’sfaithfulness and blessings. As aChristian I believe in the tenet of Romans 8:28, “All things work together forgood for those who believe and are called according to His purpose.” But the catch is… ‘for those whobelieve.’ So if you are a Christian thatessentially means you are in a no lose situation if you are living your liferight. Even in the most dire ofcircumstances you know eventually that everything will come up positive in thelong run. That promise I’ve seen evidentin my life over and over again. So nomatter how bad things appear, I know that there is a light at the end of thetunnel. I’ve been so brutally honest inthis blog about my own struggles with highlights and lowlights to provethis. I hope it has been convincing. I think this is where the peace that passesall understanding comes into play. Ofcourse if you are not called according to His purpose, or not a believer or notliving your life right…all bets are off. Then you are on your own. You might have moments of happiness but youwon’t have the over sustaining joy and peace 24/7. Whydid it take me so long to learn the principle? When the going gets tough, the tough get on their knees. Inexplicably sometimes it’s the answer toalmost every problem I have. It reallyworks!!!

Jennifer's visit in Christmas 2010 outside of my flat

#6 Living in Dubai Ihave lived in a lot of places all over the world. I think my favorite place was Los Angeles,but Dubai has to be a close #2. Livingthere was simply a blast. I was quitespoiled while I was there. I was workingout of a home/office with my boss. Iknow that seems weird, but I had my own bedroom and my commute to work was 24steps. If I wanted to go swimming at the best beach in the UAE, it was a twominute walk across the street. Anotherperk was that he was gone about 95% of the time so I had the place tomyself. Did I mention that there was alive in maid too? This is quite standardin the Middle East. So our place was onJumeirah Beach, one of the ritziest places in Dubai. In fact we were directly across the streetfrom the Ritz Carlton Hotel. It was theequivalent of living off of 5^th Avenue in New York or Sunset Blvd.in Los Angeles. This was the happeningand hip place to be. I got quite spoiledhaving my room made up everyday and laundry ironed and folded. All I had to do was buy the groceries andSunita, our Indian maid would whip it right up, breakfast lunch or dinner. Not only that, Dubai was just cool with thehigh rises and energy. It was quiteexpensive however. If you have seenMission Impossible 4, that you have a good feel for what life was like. Total luxury.

The falcon and I after one of our shoots

#5 Leaving Dubai. There is a time and season for everything. Leaving Dubai was actually quite an easydecision. I have learned that the closeryou are aligned with God the easier the most difficult decisions become. As you can see, I loved living in Dubai. Jennifer had gotten permission to transferher job and work out of the Dubai office. We had even found a placed to live on the man-made Palm Islands. Jennifer was also about 4 months pregnant atthis point. But something happenedneither of us anticipated. I wasawaiting a two year contract from my employer. I had previously been on a month to month contract. I finally gave them a deadline for thecontract. That same day of the deadlineI got a job offer to come work for Jennifer’s company in North Carolina. The timing was certainly of God. It made a seemingly very difficult choicesimple. Honestly I think the offer wasmore about them not wanting to lose Jennifer than to be gaining Rick, buteither way it worked. In hindsight, Ican totally see God’s hand in this move. Jennifer developed serious complication in the latter stages of herpregnancy. If she would have been inDubai we would not have had health insurance. So the costs would have been prohibitive. Plus where there are certainly fine medicalcare facilities in the Middle East, being home sure brought with it a lot ofpeace of mind as we trudged through the uncertainty of our first child together.

Jennifer and I snow skiing indoors in the Mall of the Emirates

#4 Working atSAS. All three of these neatly foldtogether. Forbes magazine voted SAS the#1 company to work for in America two years in a row. I have also worked for DreamWorks in the pastand DreamWorks is usually on the top 10 list as well. But SAS is clearly #1. What a great environment in which towork. SAS has its own cafeterias,racquetball courts, swimming pools, Hair and nail salons, fitness center,doctor’s offices, physical therapists, and as of this month their ownpharmacy. Everything you could thing of ina company SAS seems to have thought of it first. Again I feel quite spoiled/blessed workinghere. There is also so much positivityas everyone I’ve met at SAS has been proud of working for this greatcompany.

#3-#1 Coming soon.

Top 10 of 2011, #10-#6

2012-01-02T07:20:00.000+03:00

2011 was a real year of transition for me in so many ways. For me following up 2010 was difficult, as 2010 has gone down as the best year of my life, so far. The key here is “so far” as I believe that if you are doing it right, life should get better and better. That isn’t to say you won’t have setbacks, rather the setbacks will not be debilitating. With the right attitude you will be able to build on them. I certainly had my share of setbacks this past year, but I refused to do be identified with the setbacks. Instead I think of setbacks as just setting the stage for the comebacks. If you would like to read the highlights of the aforementioned 2010 it can be found here. http://rickbeeman.blogspot.com/2011_01_01_archive.html

Jennifer gave me this idea about doing a top 10 list. I think it’s a fabulous idea for a number of reasons. First of all, it will be nice in a few years to look back and see what the actual highlights were. I can go back and figure out what #1 and #2 were for say 1994 or 1998, but anything more than that is stretching it. Keeping a list of positives is also good to remind ourselves of God’s faithfulness. When things aren’t going our way, we simply look back to God’s blessings and it helps us refocus on the positives. So let me count this down from 10 to 1 for Rick Beeman’s top 10 moments of 2011.

#10, Tuesday night trivia. I think this officially makes me a nerd, but I just love going to trivia. It started at an Irish pub in Bahrain, and then transferred to an Irish Pub in Cary. I think this gives me a tangible outlet for all the warehouse of useless information that is stored in my head. I don’t drink, but I think the Hibernian has the best Cheeseburgers in Cary. We win more often than we lose. Its great fun on a Tuesday night. This was Jennifer’s crew at first, but I took over for her once she had the baby. Jennifer has come back once since them to introduce her old team to Sloan. This is a picture from that. The pub isn’t the best place for a baby unless you’re in Ireland, then I think it becomes a rite of passage.

#9 Superbowl Party at Darren’s. This had become a tradition for me. My good pal Darren would throw a Superbowl Party in Bahrain for all the American expats. We had a few other nationalities represented who mainly came to see what the big deal was all about. Darren went all out for these parties that started around 2:00 am local time and didn’t finish up til 7:00 am or just in time for work. I made it two of these Super Bowl Parties before I went to Dubai. But since Dubai was only a 45 minute flight away, I made an excuse to make it back for the party. It was a great time to see old and now lifelong friends again in Bahrain. While I don’t miss living in Bahrain or the Middle East, I do greatly miss the people and the sense of purpose that I had while I was living there. My sense of purpose is still here, it has just been modified somewhat.

#8 Selling a House. Jennifer had put her house on the market in February or March thinking we were moving to Dubai…more on that below. So at first she had it for sale by owner, then we found an agent. There were a few people that came through to look at it, but not many. More importantly we had zero offers. This was quite discouraging as she was going through the latter parts of her pregnancy. Then the day she before she was to be induced, we got the one and only offer for the house. So here we are in the hospital room negotiating the final details of the price. It was quite eventful and Im sure stressful, Jennifer is/was a real trooper. Which leads directly to #7

#7 Buying a House Once we realized that we were most likely going to be selling, we had to find a place to live…quick. We had to be out of our old place in six weeks. So here Jennifer is very pregnant with pre-eclampsia, and hours before she is to be admitted to the hospital for delivery, she is house hunting. Again what a trooper. She looked at 8 houses, I think but we couldn’t find the perfect house. So the baby came (More on that later…spoiler alert…It’s #1) and the day after she was released from the hospital we are out looking for houses again. Nothing seems to keep this girl down. Fortunately we found an ideal house without too much more looking. We were actually homeless in the literal sense for a couple of days between the closings. This bigger house gives us more room for visitors and plenty of room for expansion in the children department. It really is a lovely place and Jennifer and I feel very blessed to be in it. Especially with the short time frame that we had to work with getting into it. God had his hand in this entire process so that is why we weren’t stressed that much. At least I wasn’t stressed, not so sure about Jennifer. I found that stress and worry are amazingly counter-productive so I don’t get riled up by almost anything anymore. Like the faithful readers of the blog will realize, I’ve been through the fire already, everything else seems like a cakewalk from here on out.

OK…don’t want to reveal too much too soon, so #6-#1 will come next. If you would like to leave your own highlights, they don’t have to number 10, I would be thrilled to read them. Please leave them in the comments section.

3 of the first 12 days of Christmas...Literally!

2011-12-16T05:53:00.000+03:00

Sloan helping me write my blog.

Three nights ago Jennifer and I were about to eatdinner. We heard the doorbell ring. Both of us were surprised as we hardly everget unannounced guests. So I yell to thedoor hold on, and I finish what I was doing and go to answer it. When I opened the door, no one wasthere. Doorbell ditch was my firstthought until I looked down. On theporch was a small basket with two wrapped pears. The note on the outside of the package said,“On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a partridge in a peartree.” I thought it was cute. I showed it to Jennifer and neither one of ushad a clue to who it was from. Jenniferthought one of the neighbors, I thought maybe someone from the new church weare attending. Later that night wastrivia. That is my regular thing onTuesday nights. Not really sure why Ienjoy it so much. Perhaps it makes mefeel smarter or I am getting something useful out of the warehouse of uselessinformation in my head.

I am enjoying myself at work. I was transferred to a different departmentcalled Curriculum Pathways at SAS. Theyprovide an incredible online resources of information for schools. It’s a huge philanthropic endeavor from SASas the entire program is absolutely free, no catches at all. It is quickly become a staple for teachersaround the world as they plan their curriculums for their students. I am the producer-director-editor-cameramanfor the department. I started out mycareer as a one-man-band, and now I find myself getting back to my roots. It’s a little bit of an adjustment becausewhen I was in Dubai I was only a writer-director. I sure enjoyed the perks of being pamperedlike a director. With staff fetchingdiet cokes for me and not having to carry any equipment. I embraced the role of the director, callingout the shots, having crews of up 25 people waiting on my instructions. I was really good at it. So now I am back to the original and I amenjoying it. I am working withfabulously talented people. Most of my co-workers have been with the companyfor 10-15+ years. That is such anincredible concept for me to witness. Stability…Wow. I want that too.

If you know me, you know that I tend to have moved around alot in my career and life. It seems thataside from 8 years in Los Angeles, I have pretty much moved to a different partof the country/world every 18-24 months. After growing up in California for 18 years 68-86, I went to college inSpringfield Missouri 86-90. The I wentto Graduate School in Virginia Beach, VA 90-92. I then lived in my hometown of Hayward, CA for a year 1993. I had a Master’s degree on my wall but I wasbusy delivering pizzas and parking cars to make a living. These were hard times. I decided that if I really wanted to be afilmmaker I had to go to Los Angeles. Sowe lived in Los Angeles from 93-2001. Los Angeles was my favorite place to live. The energy there was just amazing. But it was difficult too. LA was extremely superficial,hyper-competitive and really expensive. Leaving there was tough as I thought I was leaving my dream behind. Little did I realize at the time that God hadother ideas and other timelines for my dreams. We moved to Oklahoma for 18 months from 2001-2002. Then we were dramatically called by God tomove to Taiwan in 2003. Taiwan otherthan 2010 was the best year of my life. It was an amazing experience. Iwasn’t keeping up with the Joneses as I felt compelled to do while I was in LosAngeles. In fact, I wasn’t making hardlyany money, didn’t have any saved up for the future, but we had enough. I think that is what God was trying to teachme. To be content with whatever Ihad. Like Paul said in Philippians 4, “Ican do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” I should write a whole blog on my experiencesin Taiwan, really I could write a whole book. But sadly SARS hit. We feltcompelled to leave because of my diabetes and history of upper respiratoryillness. God for my safety was tellingme to get out. We thought we temporarilyrelocated to San Francisco 2003-2004 as we wanted to go back to Taiwan. But that opportunity never reappeared. About 18 months in San Franciso is when I wascalled to Saudi Arabia in 2005. Myfamily was supposed to join me in Saudi once I determined it was safe, but bythat time my ex wife decided she didn’t want to be married anymore and sherelocated to Texas to start a new life, unbeknownst to me at the time. When I realized my marriage and family was inserious jeopardy I followed her to Texas 2006-2007. I tried and prayed to save my marriage butshe had moved on. I lived in Texas foranother 18-24 months. I got a prettyamazing job offer back in San Francisco, so in 2007 I was a commuter. I worked in San Francisco/Dublin area andlived with my parents while maintaining my home in Texas. I used to fly from Oakland to Houston everyother weekend for a year to maintain visitation with my children. In 2008 I moved back to the Middle East andlived in Bahrain for 18 months. You seea pattern with the 18 months here? Iloved living in Bahrain. It was arebirth for me in a sense. I had justturned 40 the week before I arrived and I was starting a new life on my ownthrough Christ. I met Jenni in Bahrainand got married there. I left Bahrainand moved back to North Carolina for five months in 2009 then lived in Dubaifor 9 months in 2010. Along the wayJenni and I got pregnant on one of my visits back…”Bullseye”…and I feltcompelled to return to the US in 2011, and that is where we are today…Whew…whatan adventure. I am not averse to havingroots. I loved living in Los Angeles foras long as I did. The plan for whateverreason keeps changing. The good partwith all the moves that I have been content wherever I have lived.

OK…I went off on another tangent. Back to roots and North Carolina. Yesterday we got another ring on ourdoorbell. I made it to the door quickerthis time. Still when I got there, therewas no one there except another package on the porch. This time it was two boxes of chocolate withone of them being turtles. Tonight Imade it to the door within 10 seconds and they just vanished. These people whoever they are, are good. Tonight was a nice bag on the porch. Inside was a rotisserie chicken, French stylegreen beans, and French bread, with a note, on the third day of Christmas mytrue love gave to me, three French hens. So its nice to have roots and community again. We sure feel loved and appreciated both inour place of employment, our church, and our family. I guess I am living out the personificationof the American Dream. I am halfwaythrough this latest version of the 18 month treatment. What will the next nine days leave on ourporch and what will the next nine months bring? Whatever it will be, I justhope it will be more of the same. I havetruly lived a blessed life.

Goals

2011-12-06T07:36:00.001+03:00

Jennifer and I have been searching for a good church for thepast few months. We thought we found onethen something just didn’t feel right about it. At the same time we got a flier in the mail from some small church in acorporate district right around the corner from my house. The timing was impeccable. So we decided to give it a shot. This was different for me. I am used to mega-churches. If there is not more than 1000+ that attend,then I won’t feel right at home, or so I thought. Its not that Im trying to avoid interpersonalcontact, but a lot of these mega churches allow you to come and go withoutbeing noticed. Even the church I callhome while I am in Houston, Lakewood Church, can be characterized by this. Lakewood is the largest church in the U.S. atapproximately 40,000 members per weekend…plus all the millions of televisionviewers. I know Pastor Joel Osteen comesunder a lot of criticism, especially within the Christian community. But Lakewood remains one of the best churchesthat I have ever attended, and I’ve attended many churches over my 43years. What made Lakewood so great isits infrastructure. I was involved withvarious men’s groups and small groups. Therelationships I established were lifelong very close friendships. For about a three year stretch I would go andvirtually every week I would see someone I knew. That’s pretty remarkable for a church asginormous as Lakewood.

So the church we got the flier for was a start-upchurch. We were there right at their oneyear anniversary. There was probablyaround 30 people total there when Jennifer and I attended our first week. It was obvious that we were the new people aseveryone else knew each other. Insteadof feeling uncomfortable, we felt right at home, immediately. The pastor was a graduate of the Assemblies ofGod theological Seminary in Springfield, MO, and his wife was a graduate of myalma mater, Evangel. Jennifer comes froma more traditional, conservative Lutheran background. So all these Charismatics make her a littlenervous. But still we both agreed thatthis is home. We have alreadyestablished several very solid relationships. That is what the church is all about…relationships. Iron sharpens iron so we want to associateourselves with strong people spiritually so that we ourselves will growstronger as well. My friend Wayne fromLakewood said it best. “Show me who your friends are and I’ll show you whatyour destiny is.”

I jumped in headfirst into this church and immediately gotinvolved with a men’s group. Unfortunately this group meets at 6:30 AM on Wed. mornings. I say unfortunately because I always go totrivia at the pub on Tuesday night and usually don’t get back tilmidnight. But still, Im glad I make thesacrifice to get up. Getting togetherwith Godly men has already stoked my spiritual fire. I think its human nature to get a little lazywith our spiritual walk from time to time as we get comfortable. That is why it usually takes some sort ofcrisis for God to get our attention. ButI’ve been through enough crisis to last two lifetimes. So Im getting involved early as a preventivemeasure. I was asked to lead the grouplast week, as our normal leader was away for work. We are studying Today Matters by JohnMaxwell. It’s a really good book in theline of “Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren. Its all about making the most of your opportunities on a dailybasis. Since I was in the rut of gettingcomfortable and a bit lazy, the timing was perfect for me. I challenged the other guys in our group towrite a list of goals they want to accomplish. There is just something psychological about writing out your goals. Here are some stories I found about it on thenet:

In 1964, all members of the Harvard Business School graduating class stated thatthey have, at graduation, clear goals that they want to accomplish in life.Among them, 5% took the time to write it down on paper. In 1984, a follow upstudy was done and it was discovered that 95% of those who wrote down theirgoals were able to achieve them within 20 years. Among the “lazy” majority,only 5% of them were able to reach their expected goals.
An earlier study in Yale University also had similar results. This time,only 3% of the 1953 graduating class made written goals. Twenty years after, in1973, it was found out that this 3% of Yale graduates were able to accomplishmore goals than the rest of the other 97% combined.

I am not sure if these stories are verifiable, but they makesense to me. So I encouraged the guys towrite down the goals they had and to share them the next week. I thought I would share my own personal andprofessional goals with you.

11. Spend at least 30 minutes a day reading theBible, praying and listening to God.

22. Continue to provide for my family emotionallyand spiritually . I want to be the besthusband and father possible.

33. Make enough money so we can live comfortably soJennifer won’t feel as if she has to work I want to be a good provider so that if I someday get cancer I won’thave to cook Crystal Meth. in order to provide for them ;o)

44. Be reconciled with my children in Texas. (thisone is mostly out of my control, but I can still pray, hope and dream)

55. Exercise and get fit.

66. Write more in this blog (this has become a realministry outlet for me)

77. Inspire others with both my words and deeds

88. Finish my current screenplay and sell it

99. Pay offthe mortgages for both of our houses

110. Continueto be a man of integrity

111. Travel to Paris, Finland, South Africa, andthe Caribbean and a few other cool places.

112. Teachacting classes again.

113. Wasteless time.

Now what I need to do is examine this list add more detailand dates to when I want to accomplish these things. By God’s grace, I think I will be able toaccomplish everything. What are some ofyour goals? I would love to seethem. If you are comfortable share themin the comments section, be as brief or detailed as you like.

The Power of Positivity or My Life as a Christmas Card

2011-10-24T22:33:00.000+03:00

I haven’t written in this blog for quite awhile. Its not because there hasn’t been big thingshappening in my life, because there have been many big things. Rather, I don’t want this to become like aChristmas card. Christmas cards are whenyou get those form-like letters telling you how great the sender is, and whatamazing things they accomplished over the last year. But the truth is, this is Christmas card, itsunavoidable. I just feel so incredibly blessed rightnow. Things in my life are going verywell. That is not say that my life isperfect. My life is far far far fromperfect. Yet I have developed anattitude and methodology of looking at life and it really works. I’ve said it many times before in the spaceof this blog and it bears repeating. Instead of focusing on what I don’t have, I simply focus on what Ihave. I have a beautiful wife, a healthyand happy baby girl, a new house, a dog that loves me, a burgeoning careerwhere I am a respected contributor, and most importantly a very intimate walkwith God. All this is possible becauseof my outlook in life. Positivity andNegativity all have domino effects. Ijust happen to be riding the crest on the wave of positivity and I am now adisciple and advocate for this way of thinking because it works. I have to mention that God used Joel Osteenand his philosophies in a significant way to alter the course of my life. I have attended several churches where theOsteen philosophy of positivity were decried. I think I am living proof that itworks. The low point in my life happenedaround 2005. Instead of believing whatother people thought of me, I started believing what God thought of me. Eventually, I started believing itmyself. Instead of going to jobinterviews and going about life defeated, I started holding my head high. I didn’t believe it at first but I had tofake it til I made it. (Good thing I wasa good actor.) But good things didindeed eventually start happening. I gotan excellent job opportunity with an ad agency, that helped build myesteem. That led to another position,which led to the next. My life was in aseries of upgrades which each climb up the ladder giving me additional evidenceand faith that God indeed had a perfect plan for my life. When I lost everything, I would have beenstuck in the mud if I would have wallowed. Plenty of friends and family felt sorry for me and they wouldn’t haveblamed me for feeling sorry for myself, because they all felt sorry for me too. But inch by inch, I drug myself out of themire. I am so glad I did because I wouldhave missed out on so many amazing opportunities in life. Firms want to hire“can-do” personalities, not the boo-hoo look what my life used to be-types. When I met Jennifer I was really at a highpoint spiritually, professionally, and emotionally. That attracted her to me. How else was I going to land a gorgeousathlete, with an amazing career and intelligence off the charts? Do you think she would have been attracted toa guy in an emotional fetal position? Ofcourse not. As you can probably tell, Iam a total glass half full kind of guy. I believe if you are a Christian, and you are doing it right, you haveto be an optimist. That is just the way Godintended it to be. “I can do all thingsthrough Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4. Ialso believe that God helps those who help themselves. God recognized my heart and sent severaltools my way to enable me to believe in myself. They more I believed in myself the more I believed in Him. It was a wonderful perpetual cycle. It works. Jennifer was a tool that God sent my way to help complete my propulsioninto the limitless possibilities of the future.

Lets bring this philosophy of the rose-colored glasses tocurrent day. I had an amazing weekendwith my wife and I am really on cloud 9 in love with that woman. On Saturday we had some huge fights andarguments. (No one quite fights likeJennifer, which makes her special in and of itself). Yet on Sunday we made up and had a very dreamylike day (with the only negative being a 28-0 loss by the Raiders to thedreaded Chiefs). But even that was OK,because I was able to hold my baby in my arms in the through the thirdquarter. So I can look at this weekendas being bad because of Saturday or being fantastic because of Sunday. If I want my Monday to be great, on which dayshould I dwell?

I sometimes get a little giddy about how ideal my life isright now. I think that is what it meansto “Delight yourself in the Lord.” Again, I have had some really devastating things happen to me veryrecently that could have easily destroyed my optimism if I were to have allowedit. Instead I crowd my head with all thegood things that are happening to me today and will continue throughtomorrow. Thus if I fill my head withjoy and hope the negativity and loss soon get crowded out. Its not like I’m burying it, because it willalways resurface in time. Rather I amjust tabling what I can’t control in the full faith that God will restore whatwas lost in his perfect timing. In themean time why lose sleep over it? I have a very sexy wife, an innocent andhealthy baby girl, a nice new house, and a working car to get me home at 6:00. Although I love my work, I can’t wait to gethome each night. I truly have a wonderful life, but onlythrough the grace of God and the power of my positive spirit, which He hadinstilled in me. “Have a great life now,ask me How.” So if you are down in thedumps and need someone to chat with, feel free to email me at rickbeeman@mac.com. Many people already have. I just want to help make the world a betterplace. I believe sharing my philosophiesis just one of many ways to do that.

Sloan Beeman's Birth Video

2011-09-21T16:28:00.002+03:00

I apologize that it took me so long to get this up here. Life has been busy, but pretty fantastic. I feel like I am the most blessed man on the planet. Having a new life to be responsible for sure helps you keep your perspectives and priorities in check.

God is faithful. I'll write a little bit more in an update later this week. For now, a picture is worth a thousand words.

Rick

The Supernatural GPS

2011-08-08T06:24:00.001+03:00

It was a nice moment earlier tonight. Jennifer was taking a break from baby duty, my mother, father and I were on the couch. We were all watching a movie. I am pretty sure my mother was in heaven as she was holding Sloan while she slept. I believe Sloan is different for her then most other grandparent-grandchild relationships. Sloan is a little bit more than that. I think Sloan represents not only God’s faithfulness to me, but to her as well. Not only did I lose the relationship with my children like I used to have, but she lost her relationships as well. They used to be very close, now they barely speak at all. Its just another tragedy of divorce, the kids lose out on all the relatives as well. When my divorce happened, it really hit my mother much harder than myself. Why, because I knew how to channel my hope through faith. I learned to have peace in the midst of the raging storm. For my mother, it was more a work in progress. As a mother, my mother felt powerless because she couldn’t emotionally protect her child. There was nothing anyone could do, but just hurt. It still hurts, if you focus on it. But the key is not to focus on it. Every day that passes it gets easier and easier to maintain focus on the positives and not the negatives. Thus when I met Jennifer, it was more than just a new relationship. Jennifer was both a symbol and vehicle for her to see that her son had emotionally healed. I think most mother’s would be able to relate to this sort of empathy. When Sloan was born, it was a culmination of everything that was lost was suddenly found again. Here in our arms we have the living breathing proof of God’s faithfulness. Thus Sloan in this case becomes much more than just a sweet innocent baby. She is a conduit for healing and restoration. I think that was all part of God’s plan.

I have mentioned this a few times in this blog before and it bears repeating. It was November 2008, and I had just arrived to Bahrain. My eyes were full of wonder at this great adventure that I had just embarked on. Having just turned 40, it really was like I was starting part 2 of my life. I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt I was standing dead center in the middle of God’s perfect plan in a desert in the Middle East. I was so anxious to see how God’s plan would unfold. My dear friend Reji, a faithful co-worker and brother in Christ, and I had just connected to start a life long friendship. He was praying for me and the loss of my relationship with my children. He told me that God told him that I would be reconciled to my family within a year, specifically by December 2009. I remember getting really really angry. I had just gotten over the loss of my ex-wife and he lays this on me?!?! I had no idea how this would happen. This was certainly a case of me getting upset with the messenger. I tried to forget about it. God had spoken into my life before, so I didn’t doubt the authenticity, but when I tried to figure out or to project how it would happen, I just got so terribly confused. I mean who would want to live through all that heartache again? I did forget about what Reji said, or the “Word of Knowledge” for the most part. I reasoned that Reji must have gotten it wrong. It changed about a year and half later, when I exchanged my vows in front of a judge in a courtroom in North Carolina with my beloved bride Jennifer. You see it was in December 2009, when I first met Jennifer. I think what Reji was trying to tell me that November day, was that within a year I would be emotionally reconciled with a new family. Sloan in many respects is the culmination of that prophecy or Word of Knowledge from nearly three years ago now. You see sometimes when God speaks to us, there can be human error involved. We might (because of our own desires) misinterpret the specific details but the overall message remains the same. So as my mother was holding the baby it was not only a fulfillment for Jennifer and I, but for her as well. I don’t mean to bemoan the negativity of my loss, because that is simply not my personality. Yet, I feel compelled to share it over and over again as a tribute and inspiration to God’s faithfulness. I know it gives many readers hope. Because if God can do it for me, he can certainly do it for you. That is why I share my story as often as I can.

So here I sit in the total catbird’s seat of life. For the first time it is dawning on my how my life is different than JOB. You see JOB lost everything but God rewarded him with double. I too lost everything, but only temporarily. You see I do have a new family, but I am holding out hope and assurance that I will be reconciled with my children again. I am blessed and fortunate that Jennifer is so open to having a relationship with them as well. You see this is all a part of God’s perfect plan.

Life with God is like a GPS. We know we are headed to a certain destination, but sometimes due to choices of our own, or choices made by others we veer off-course. When that happens God simply redirects the map to the next easiest route. But the more we veer off the course, the longer and harder we make the route as God continually recalculates the directions. I was very fortunate. My destination was deviated, not by my choice, but I stayed as close as possible to the re-routed destination. Thus by staying on the course I minimized the damage and distance that I had to travel to reach the destination which God had appointed. As I look at my daughter, my beautiful wife I now realize that God is saying to me “You have reached your destination.” I wonder where we are going to go next.

"God doesn't care who you were. He only cares who you are." - Cowboys & Aliens

2011-08-01T05:40:00.003+03:00

I went to the movies today. Going to the movies is one of my most favorite things to do in the world. I was reading Wild at Heart by John Eldredge a few years back. His theory was that God speaks to us most in whatever mode are most passionate about. That could be nature, athletics, music, etc… Well I am very passionate about movies and that is where he really speaks to me. To be honest he speaks to me all the time because I have learned to listen, but I feel his presence most when I either watch movies or listen to sermons from Joel Osteen or Steve Madsen. So I was watching a movie today, Cowboys and Aliens. I love going to movies, did I say that already? I estimate I’ve probably seen over 15,000 in my lifetime. But please don’t ask me how many fiction books I’ve read. I think you can count them on both hands and 20% of those were written by Alexander Dumas. (bonus points if you can guess the titles). I don’t think I have the patience to sit through a fiction book. Maybe its because of my ADD. (Jennifer is not a great fiction reader eith…Look a butterfly….” Non-fiction is another story. I love reading non-fiction, self-help books. That is what greatly assisted me in getting out of the mire of a few years ago. Oh yeah, God spoke to me through those too, because for a couple of years ago I was passionate about the non-fiction “Christian” books reading several. I was also quite hooked on calling 1800 prayer type of lines. You can’t get enough prayer when you are in crisis mode. Well it worked obviously because look at where I am now…praise God.

OK…so back to the movie. Since I have seen so many movies I am quite selective on what I see. This drives Jennifer crazy sometimes. I will check the reviews first. Rotten Tomatoes is great but you have to take them with a grain of salt. Rotten Tomatoes takes a slew of reviews and gives them an average rating. My cut-off line is usually 80% or higher for Rottentomatoes.com. Although I will occasionally make an exception like I did today. Then I will check the director and/or writer and see if I liked their previous body of work. Finally I’ll go with the actor. Most good/great actors usually are selective with their body of work. The exception goes to English Actors. I’ve seen Michael Caine star in some pretty bad films. I asked my friend Gordon about this one time. Gordon was a very cockney director that worked with me at Saudi Aramco. He believed that English Actors believe people should go to the films for the actor, while Americans believe you should go to the film for the story. Another interesting difference between English actors and American actors are the female leads. How many older American actresses do you see? By older I mean in their 60-80ish age range. Conversely, I believe you see many older English actresses still active. Dame Judi Dench, the Redgrave sisters while they were still alive are examples of this off the top of my head. Yet, I can’t really think of a lot of household American actresses that have appeared in their twilight years. Feel free to post if you have exceptions. Actors in large part have giant egos. That is why they probably got into the business in the first place. They want to be remembered on celluloid for their best moments. That’s why many of them go into seclusion when they age. Ronald Reagan comes to mind. I remember when he gave his farewell address announcing he had Alzheimer’s and would be signing off forever. I think he lived another 10 years but there was not one image of him released after that. So the public will always remember the 1980’s era Reagan in his prime as far as public perception. That is his legacy.

Wow, did I go off on a tangent there. Silly ADD. Back to Cowboys and Aliens. It only got a 44% from Rotten Tomatoes, but since I like Harrison Ford and Daniel Craig, I made the exception and Im glad I did. There was one character in the film that I loved. He was the old preacher. What a wonderful character this guy was played brilliantly by Clancy Brown (He was the bad guy in Bad Boys and Highlander amongst many others). But he was great in this. I love when Christians are played on the silver screen in a positive manner since it doesn’t happen very often. There was one line in the film that really struck home with me. It could have been in the Bible but instead here it was on the Silver Screen. The line was “God doesn’t care who you were, he only cares who you are.” That is the story of redemption in a simple yet beautiful manner. All truth is God’s truth. So if its truth, even if it is from a movie, it is God’s voice. God can speak to us through whatever medium as long as its truth. Movies are great for this. I know of two different circumstances where people came to know Christ after seeing the Exorcist. That was not a Christian movie but Truth flowed through it. My favorite “Truth” in movies comes from my friend Mike Leahy. Mike is a good Christian guy producing films in Los Angeles. We both went to Evangel University (not at the same time) together. He was producing Hellraiser 4. Mike is a Christian, he hired a Christian Director for the film. So they actually made a “Christian” movie under the guise of that guy with spikes in his head. I think that is awesome. The enemy has been using the media to distract people since the advent of film. It’s about time Christians try to reclaim some of that influence. That is what originally drove me to film industry in the first place. So after seeing this Cowboys and Aliens movie, even though it wasn’t perfect. God spoke to me through that one line. I believe my time for making a difference in this medium is coming. I just have to be patient and wait for God’s perfect timing. For now, my calling is to be with Jennifer and raise our beautiful young daughter. It’s a pretty great ride in the mean time.

Are Babies supposed to turn Purple?

2011-07-25T06:29:00.000+03:00

The first few days of Sloan Violet Beeman’s life have been quite harrowing. As a parent you feel helpless sometimes. Sloan was just a little over 12 hours old when Jennifer was feeding her in the hospital room. Suddenly she started spitting up. Jennifer quickly grabbed the aspirator and tried to clear it but it didn’t work. Then Sloan started choking. We quickly called the nurse. The nurse took one look at her, had a panicked expression and whisked her out of the room. Jennifer and I just looked at each other not knowing how to react. What do you do in that situation? After a few anxious minutes of trying to console a near hysterical wife we both tried to calm down. I (by experience) have learned no not stress about much. God has proven to me time and time again that he is in control and I trust him implicitly. But there was just something about this that was different. In an instant it showed my absolutely helplessness and dependence upon him to take care of a baby which I certainly cannot do myself nor can Jennifer. After a few minutes of prayer with Jennifer I went to the nursery. Sloan was breathing fine and resting. The nurse smiled at me and gave me a thumbs up. I returned to the room to give Jennifer the good news. Thank God this happened while we were still at the hospital. The nurse came into explain what happened. Sloan’s lungs were still filled with amniotic fluid. She hadn’t had a chance to expel all of that yet. Normally babies expel all the fluid while they wait in the birth canal. But it only took Jennifer four pushes or 10 minutes or so to push her out. Sloan didn’t have enough time in the canal to express all of the fluid. This is also quite common in C-sections as well. So I thought I knew a lot about “birthing babies” being a veteran of three already. But this one was new to me and scary.

The first day was very magical to me besides the fright. Sloan just held onto my finger as she slept. It was obvious that she was dreaming as her eyes were rolling under eyelids and her body would shudder with her arms periodically squirming. What do babies dream about anyway? Going through the shoot? Im told they dream in the womb as well which is even more of a mystery to me. Since God speaks to people through their dreams sometimes, maybe that is his way of talking to them before they make the transition into the world. There is something magical about the faith of children. They just accept and believe without needing logical evidence to back it up. Perhaps that is why Christ loved children so much. I think we all need to have the faith of a child sometimes. I know through my hell I have developed it. I don’t know how, often I don’t know why but whatever predicament I find myself in, I know I am going to come out on top. I have the faith of a child. But as my baby was turning purple, that faith was shaken.

When I held Sloan that first day her eyes were mainly shut. Even though she was full term, she was just barely full term by a couple of days. Perhaps her development is a little behind because of that. As I would talk to her I could see her struggle to try to open up her eyes so she could see what that strange soothing sound was all about. We had eye contact for a few moments then she just relaxed and kept her eyes closed.

Jennifer was sent home from the hospital three days after her birth. I enjoyed my time there spending the night each night Jennifer was admitted. The hospital food was actually quite good and they had a chair that made out into a bed. I thoroughly enjoyed my first few days of being a dad all over again. I’m almost old enough to be a grandfather as some of the people in my graduating class of FCS already are. But here I am a father again at the ripe age of 42. I actually think Im just about to enter my prime. I am motivated to do whatever it takes to make sure that I live a long full life so I can be the best father I can to Sloan and our ensuing (God willing) children. Jennifer even has me eating broccoli and spinach. It’s not a parting of the Red Sea thing, but in my mind its close. I have a feeling the second time around I am going to enjoy and savor each and every moment. I already have.

Today was another nerve racking day. Jennifer as a first time mom is naturally nervous. But she is a real trooper. She is so conscientious and is so knowledgeable about babies. But until you experience it, its all different. I know everything is going to work out. I don’t know how but babies grow (most of the time) but God takes care of them. But Sloan wasn’t gaining enough weight and her Bilirubin levels were down which means Sloan had jaundice. This is quite normal the first week, I’m told. So the doctor prescribed this strange blanket to wrap around Sloan. This is like a UV blanket similar I think to what you would see in tanning beds. She seems quite comfortable and snug in it. Since she has had this blanket on her energy levels have seemed to have gone up. The doctors are wanting to keep a close eye on Sloan so we have had to take her into the hospital for tests nearly every day since we’ve been home. Another big concern is Sloan’s weight. Its normal for a baby to lose 10% of their body weight after birth. Sloan was born at 7 lb. 9 oz, but then when we checked her Billrubin levels she was down to 6 lb 13 oz. yesterday. So today when we went into the hospital to weigh her she was shockingly down to 6 lb 6 oz. This was scary for us. Jennifer is trying so hard to feed Sloan and take care of her, we just didn’t know what to do. Jennifer was really scared and burst into tears. You sure feel helpless as parents. I put on a semi-false bravado and told her everything was going to be fine. Again, I didn’t know how but God was going to do it. He has saw us through so much worse. It was hard to believe that Sloan wasn’t thriving or gaining weight. All she does really is eat, sleep, and poop. Im very anxious to have her turn two. But Jennifer and Moms in general seem to like the newborn phase more than dads. Then before Jennifer and I could jump to even more scary conclusions the nurse came back in and suggested we try another scale. This scale had Sloan at 6 lb. 15 oz. so she had just gained 2 oz. So the other scale was broken. The nurse later came in and told us her Billrubin levels were down or up, whatever the good one is. So she’ll only need the lab coat for another day.

I know there is a precious gift of life in our possession. But now we find ourselves more dependent on God than we ever have been. We are pretty helpless in the big scheme of things. But as always God is in control…no matter what.

Reflections on the birth

2011-07-22T07:03:00.000+03:00

Sunday night was a pretty eventful night. At about 9:00 PM we got our first and only (so far) offer on our house, which had been on the market since March. We went back and forth and finally agreed on a price. The next day we were scheduled to go into the hospital for the induction. So Jennifer on Monday being a very 9 months pregnant hoofed it with our real estate agent to look at 12 houses to buy. I think this was important. The hospital finally called us at 9:00 pm to tell us that a bed had opened up. So we got our bags and headed off. We got admitted right away. Jennifer was already dilated to one centimeter and was experiencing contractions already. She was going to try to have the baby naturally. I think all the walking helped. We were trying to do whatever we could to avoid a C-section. That was the plan if the inducing didn’t work. For Jennifer’s health, we had to get this baby out as soon as safely possible.

They put something in her, I think it was cervidil, which was the precursor to the Pitocin. They wanted her to have a good night sleep before they attempted to induce. They brought in a cot for me. I was out. I can sleep pretty much anywhere, anytime. (I thank Evangel College for that skill I learned. Its probably the most valuable skill I left with. Having to chapel every day at 10:00 am, I learned to sleep sitting up so the chapel checkers wouldn’t mark me absent. So now Im almost a professional sleeper no matter what the locale or time change). They started the Pitocin for Jennifer that morning of the 19^th at 5:45 am through her IV. I slept through all of it. I awoke at 8:00 am. The doctor said Jennifer was dilated at 4 and 70% effaced. I really have no idea what 70% effaced means, but apparently that is a good thing. So the doctor broke her water. About an hour or so later, the contractions started to get more intense. Those of you who know Jennifer well, know that her vocabulary can sometimes get colorful. That is something we are working on. I am told by other women in labor that all sorts of language comes out in the midst of contractions. So the contractions were coming about 2 minutes a part and Jennifer was in a lot of pain. It was building. Being an athlete she had a goal to have this baby delivered without an epidural. Since her mom did it, she wanted to at least give it a try. But Im told going natural while being induced with Pitocin is extremely difficult because the Pitocin speeds up the contractions and makes them more intense. Jennifer was such a trooper not wanting to give up. I should mention that she had to be induced because of the concerns of her pre-eclampsia and the resulting high blood pressure. So they did it the day the baby went full term. Full Term is anywhere from 37 to 41 weeks, so Monday was the first day of 37 weeks. She was full term but just barely. Around 10:30 the contractions were really hitting Jennifer and she was crying out in excruciating pain. Her blood pressure was also starting to rise. She mentioned she thought the baby was coming down but the doctor and the nurse didn’t give her claims much credence. Her doula, the nurse, and the doctor, noting her blood pressure and preeclampsia all recommended her to get an epidural. So with gritted teeth she finally relented. Our goal throughout this whole process was to have a healthy baby and a healthy mom. So we took the doctor’s advice and got the epidural. About 30 minutes later Jennifer was calmly having a conversation. It was such a polar opposite of what we were experiencing earlier. Controlled chaos to calm serenity in 30 minutes or less. The doctor came in about 12:00 noon to check on Jennifer. It was so peaceful then nobody thought anything of it. But the doctor exclaimed she was fully dilated and ready to have the baby. So the doctor went out to get ready and Jennifer got placed in the stirrups. She mentioned to the nurse that she thought the baby was on its way down. The nurse blew her off saying, it could take hours. (Im sure under her breath she was thinking, she’s a first time mom, what does she know?) Then as soon as Jennifer got in the stirrups we could see the baby’s head. The nurse quickly called the doctor in. It only took Jennifer four pushes/contractions to get Sloan out and into this world. I was amazed how emotional I got during this whole experience. I have experienced birth before but nothing quite like this. Because we had a doula, she was focusing on Jennifer’s comfort, I didn’t have to do a thing really except enjoy the whole process. I think as the tears were streaming down my face it was the culmination of the baby and fulfillment of the promises of God. I have a new addition to my new family. That doesn’t mean I love my children any less at all. This is just a wonderful chance to experience it all over again, the way that God intended with a mother and father staying together “til death do us part.” It was just a great feeling. The book of JOB, in fact, here it is. Those of you readers know that I felt like I had everything that I held dear stolen from me. Now with Jennifer and Baby Sloan, It is true redemption.

Job 42:10 After Job had prayed for his friends, the LORD restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before. 11 All his brothers and sisters and everyone who had known him before came and ate with him in his house. They comforted and consoled him over all the trouble the LORD had brought on him, and each one gave him a piece of silver[a] and a gold ring.

12 The LORD blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part. He had fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, a thousand yoke of oxen and a thousand donkeys. 13 And he also had seven sons and three daughters. 14 The first daughter he named Jemimah, the second Keziah and the third Keren-Happuch. 15 Nowhere in all the land were there found women as beautiful as Job’s daughters, and their father granted them an inheritance along with their brothers.

16 After this, Job lived a hundred and forty years; he saw his children and their children to the fourth generation. 17 And so Job died, an old man and full of years.

Now I don’t think Im going to live to 140 years or have a thousand yoke of oxen, but God has indeed promised me a long full life. But I do believe that all the blessings bestowed on Job will also be bestowed on me because I was faithful just like Job was. Again the big difference is that Im not totally blameless and I have had moments where I haven’t been upright but for the last 10 years, I’ve been really really close even whilst going through midst of my personal hell.

So as Sloan Violet Beeman was getting cleaned she grasped onto my finger as tightly as she could and didn’t want to let go. We were afraid that she might have to go to ICU because of the early delivery, but her temperature at birth was barely past the cutoff, so we made it.

I was just amazed at the outpouring of love and support both Jennifer and I got through facebook. Between us we had hundreds of congratulations and well wishes from friends all over the globe. Most of my close friends and readers of this blog know what I’ve been through recently. I think it encourages us all that good guys really can win in the end as long as they stay faithful. I feel like my life has been a riveting movie full of dramatic ups and downs. This is the ending has the audience cheering at the end. It is a great great feeling.

A little later in the day I was holding Sloan on my lap. Being just a few hours old she really isn’t able to open up her eyes. But as I was talking to her she was struggling so much to open her eyes to see whose voice was cooing the sweet words to her. First the left, then struggling to open the right, she finally got a first look at her Daddy who adores her. All is right in my world.

Beyond Belief: Even more Parental Alienation Crap

2011-07-18T19:15:00.000+03:00

For children, divorce is like the father grabbing the left wrist of the child and the mother grabbing the right wrist in a tug of war for control and affection of the child. Kids are obviously the ones injured in the tussle. Alienation is using words and actions so the child will shun the other parent in the tug of war. I for the most part have let go of the wrist in order to not further harm the children.

Here is how Wikipedia describes Parental Alienation:

Parental alienation is a social dynamic, generally occurring due to divorce or separation, when a child expresses unjustified hatred or unreasonably strong dislike of one parent, making access by the rejected parent difficult or impossible. These feelings may be influenced by negative comments by the other parent and by the characteristics, such as lack of empathy and warmth, of the rejected parent.

I have mentioned past illustrations of alienating actions in previous versions of this blog so I wont rehash it. But something happened this past week that pushed me over the edge.

The boys while visiting have been using our computers to check their emails. They left their email open and we found the following correspondence between them and their stepdad. (whether parents have the right to check their children’s email is another blog. The boys admit their mom checks their emails to ensure they don’t get in trouble. So, I as a parent did the same thing.) First of all let me set up the scenario for you. I have had the boys for the past six weeks. The boys were scheduled to fly back to their mom’s house this past Saturday at 4:00 pm. Their sister is returning from France at 2:00 pm at the same airport. Since it would take her 1+ hours to get through customs their arrivals were close in proximity. I had arranged for my good friend David to pick up the boys. The boys know David well. I was hesitant to fly them back myself because of Jennifer’s preeclampsia and her sporadic and sometimes skyrocketing high blood pressure. She had been hospitalized twice in the past week. It was serious enough that the doctors are inducing on Tuesday and planning an immediate C-section if induction doesn’t work. This is three weeks before her due date. It is a serious situation and I don’t want to leave my wife’s side and fly halfway across the country leaving a very pregnant wife to fend for herself. Having the boys for six weeks made it a little easier to give up the last six hours in the air with this in mind. David is a trooper and agreed to help out. The boys wanted to be at the airport to meet their sister. So I told them I would contact their stepfather and give him the option of picking up the boys or just keeping the same plan having David pick them up. This is the response that he sent the boys.

“I am sorry I will not be able to pick you up on Saturday, Lindsey gets to the airport 2 hours before you and I am not going to sit there for 2 hours waiting for you with Lindsey after she has been flying for the previous 14 hours. And I am not going to come home, drop Lindsey off, and turn right back around without even getting out of the car to come back and get you. Your dad has made a choice to not bring you home, that his new life is more important than getting you home, that MAYBE he will have a new baby this weekend, and the chance of that is more important than spending time with you. I am not going to change my life because he decided at the last minute to change the plans. It just goes again to show how unimportant your dad thinks you guys are.”

The last sentence really is the most damning line for the alienation. He uses the word “Again” which means they’ve talked about my actions in a negative tone before. Then he tries to tell the boys that I think they are unimportant. Those of you that know me know how ludicrous this statement is. But even if I was a deadbeat dad and did horrible things, why in the world would you ever tell a child that their father thinks that they are unimportant?!?! What are you trying to accomplish? What do you think the long term effects of this will be in building their esteem? To me that crosses the line from parental alienation to psychological/mental abuse. Now I believe this type of crap is only the tip of the iceberg. I think there are many more illustrations of manipulation that have occurred that I just am unaware of the details because I don’t live in the house. I do know my children repeat verbatim some of the nasty emails I get from their parents. The proof is in the actions of my children and their vehement rejection of me. Part of the alienation is that the children defend the alienating parent (and step) and argue that their choices, decisions, and actions are entirely their own and not influenced by any other person. Well I might not know of every detail, but those I do know of, point to not only parental alienation, but severe alienation bordering on abuse. Four years ago my kids loved me. Today 2/3 of them detest me. I haven’t gotten a hug from my kids in nearly two years.

I can’t see any justification for this type of behavior from the adults in that house. Oh in their minds I’m sure they can figure out how to avert blame, that is part of the syndrome. I am told by dozens and dozens of people that have experienced something similar to this, that I am really powerless in this situation. The custodial parent wields the most influence and my ex-wife is very cunning in her manipulative ways. The only thing I can do is to continue to love my children and pray for a day of future reconciliation. God feels my pain. Since we are made in his image, Im sure he goes through something similar when we reject him. But I know that God is giving me the strength to endure to not only thrive but to survive. I don’t believe it’s a coincidence that Jennifer and I will be starting a new family in less than two days. It is really poetic in a redemptive sort of way. This is the emotional strength and support that I need. It comes down to this. My ex-wife has a new family, I have a new family and the kids are shuttled back and forth between the two. For their sake I wish there could be harmony rather than finger pointing and blame aversion. We both have moved on and its time to leave the bitterness in the past. That is my prayer anyways. It has now been five years since my divorce and its getting worse by the month.

Jennifer warns me of not talking about the Parental Alienation thing because I might start sounding like a broken record. But when the other party continues to add new tracks to that Alienation broken record things will still get worse. I love my kids and always have. I will do virtually anything for them, yet my relationship with them for the most part keeps getting worse and worse no matter what I do. My youngest still gets along with me but my middle son told me he has “given up” on me and my oldest seems to have given up three years ago. Plus my phone number is blocked from their house so there is no way for me to talk to them. Now this whole alienation is not just sour grapes. I have sufficient evidence to prove it in court now. When one son says tells me that he is afraid of having too much fun because he’ll get in trouble, and the other son tells me he got in trouble for acting like a little kid (He was 12, when are you not supposed to act like a little kid?) and the third just refuses to communicate with me whatsoever in any form. It shows me that this is not all in my imagination.

So why do I harp so openly about alienation? Well first of all it is incredibly painful for me as I adore my children and I always have. I would never knowingly do anything to harm them, although my actions in the past and present have been skewed - part of the alienation process. Second I have had so many associates, friends and family tell me that they have been through something very similar either as a child or as the parent. The facts are virtually the same it’s just that names have been changed. Thirdly there are so many people that read this blog that have become prayer partners with me. Their support is invaluable. Fourthly chronicling the experiences help some parents that are considering divorce to reconsider their actions based on the emotional trauma that it inflicts on the children. I have had quite a few people respond through this blog or via email to tell me this.

The loss of the relationship with my children has cast a deep and heavy toll upon my heart. But I can’t focus on what I lost. I can only focus on the hope of reconciliation with them someday in the hopefully not so distant future and the reality of a soon to be filled crib in our nursery. Despite my temporary losses I still feel like the most blessed man on the planet. God is indeed faithful, but your prayers are appreciated to help speed the process up.

Pre-Eclampsia, updating Jennifer's pregnancy

2011-07-14T07:52:00.001+03:00

I haven’t had much time to write lately, though I’ve had so many blogworthy items to write about. I’ve had my boys for the last six weeks and Im devoting all of my extra time to them and caring for Jennifer. We are at a lull at the moment as its bedtime for Jennifer and I. The boys wanted to stay up to watch TV so I don’t feel like I’m sacrificing time with them. Your prayers are so appreciative and coveted. They really do work. I feel amazingly blessed at the moment. I feel my life is peaking, but the peak from this vantage point doesn’t seem to have an apex, it just keeps getting higher and higher. Isn’t that how life is supposed to be? I don’t mention all of the blessings in my life to gloat. Instead I try to use my hardships as a testimony to how God can turn a life around. I’ve heard a lot of dramatic testimonies of people lives before and after Christ. But since I’ve been a Christian virtually my entire life, I haven’t heard a lot of stories like mine. A Christian that endures hardships although they seem to be doing mostly everything right. I think that is why I’m so compelled to be so transparent with my own life. Its not to make anyone look bad, rather its just to illustrate the sometimes harrowing details can further accentuate God’s glory.

I was writing in the blog after the kids went to bed while I was in Lynchburg two weeks back. I was using Shari’s computer since I left mine back home. I posted the blog and then I shared the link on Facebook. By the way, if you are reading this and we are not facebook friends, please feel free to add me if you want updates on the blog. Facebook is a good way to get updates since I don’t write in this blog daily anymore. So I added the link, but couldn’t find it on my page. After investigation I discovered that Shari hadn’t logged out of Facebook thus my link got posted on her blog. The next day we were all enjoying a 4^th of July celebration at Thomas Road Baptist Church. It was quite an extravaganza. I really admire my brother in law Jonathan and how he has taken over for his father, the late Jerry Falwell. He really is a great dad and uncle and does a good job leading that church. It is estimated that there were 15,000 guests joining in the festivities. I was waiting in line at one of the slides and I was approached by someone I didn’t know. She said, “Are you Shari’s brother? I read your blog last night.” It was because I left the notice on Shari’s facebook page. It was just kind of nice surprise. I never quite know how people are drawn to this blog and why. I feel compelled to write since Its my ministry now that I have left the Middle East. I am looking for opportunities to serve anytime and anywhere. Right now this blog seems like most viable outlet.

Jennifer’s pregnancy has been somewhat Tenuous lately. She is in week 36 and normal delivery time ranges from 37 weeks to 42 weeks. But her blood pressure has been skyrocketing and she has been hospitalized twice in the past week. Jennifer has been diagnosed with Preeclampsia. This is edited from Wikipedia.

Pre-eclampsia is a medical condition in which hypertension arises in pregnancy. While blood pressure elevation is the most visible sign of the disease, it involves generalized damage to the maternal endothelium, kidneys, and liver, with the release of vasoconstrictive factors being secondary to the original damage.

Pre-eclampsia may develop from 20 weeks gestation (it is considered early onset before 32 weeks, which is associated with increased morbidity). Its progress differs among patients; most cases are diagnosed pre-term. Pre-eclampsia may also occur up to six weeks post-partum. Apart from Caesarean section or induction of labor (and therefore delivery of the placenta), there is no known cure. It is the most common of the dangerous pregnancy complications; it may affect both the mother and the unborn child.[1]

Although eclampsia is potentially fatal, pre-eclampsia is often asymptomatic, and so its detection depends on signs or investigations. Nonetheless, one symptom is crucially important because it is often misinterpreted. The epigastric pain, which reflects hepatic involvement and is typical of the HELLP syndrome, may easily be confused with heartburn, a very common problem of pregnancy. It can be distinguished from heartburn when it is not burning in quality, does not spread upwards towards the throat, is associated with hepatic tenderness, may radiate through to the back, and is not relieved by giving antacids. It is often very severe, described by sufferers as the worst pain they have ever experienced. Affected women are not uncommonly referred to general surgeons as suffering from an acute abdomen (for example, acute cholecystitis). Pre-eclampsia affects 3% of pregnancies.

OK, enough with the medical jargon. Jennifer is safe and stable, but we have to be extra careful. Jennifer has been a real trooper through all of this. Its quite amazing since she is still working, had my sons in for the past six weeks and we’re trying to sell a house. But the doctors said enough, and ordered her on bedrest two weeks ago. If you know Jennifer, you know its hard for her to sit still for any length of time. So the fact that this has wiped her out, you know how serious it is. They were tempted to do an emergency induction and possibly a C-section last week but her vitals stabilized. So instead the hospital sent her home and scheduled the induction for Tuesday if it doesn’t happen naturally before that. They want the baby to cook for as long as naturally possible and safe for both mother and baby. I would have liked for the baby to have been delivered while my boys are still here. (They leave on Saturday). But we’ll leave that type of decision up to God and the doctors.

Jennifer and I are thrilled at the prospect of being parents together by next Wednesday hopefully. (She’s being induced on Mon. Night Tues Morning). I feel so incredibly blessed that I get to experience being a dad all over again. I know I’m going to be an older dad, like my friend Scott Salsedo. But we just need to look to Tony Randall as our inspiration. I’m really trying to stay fit by exercising most everyday. I want our children to have a dad that is in the prime of his life. I think that is going to happen as I feel more fit now, than I did when I was in my 20’s. Although there are more aches and pains now. But I believe like God whispered to me months ago, that I’m going to have a long life so I can enjoy my children and my grandchildren. I feel like my life is coming full circle, just like JOB, only chapter 42, not the first 41 chapters (been there, done that, don’t want to do it again.) God is faithful.

Life in Lynchburg

2011-07-03T07:12:00.001+03:00

Ugh…I just almost finished a blog and boom it locked up on me. As a writer, I just hate it what that happens. I can bemoan the situation and what was lost, or reboot and try to write as quickly as possible trying to recreate it. I can not go back and recapture lost time. I can just move forward and make the best of it. I have not always been like this. About 10 years ago, in the midst of my first family. Is that a politically or emotionally correct term? I was a writing a screenplay. I had 30 pages written and they were a great 30 pages, or so I thought at the time. I can’t remember the details, but for some reason they were accidentally deleted or became corrupt or something. I remember having a choice to make, I could quickly rewrite them or try to recover the files. I decided to a recovery strategy. I went out and bought expensive auto-recovery software and tried to piece together the missing parts. $250 and about a month’s worth of effort I was unable to recover my work. I then I had to start over. What a waste of time and effort. I should have followed my first gut, and not looked back and moved forward immediately. Its interesting that as soon as I lost this past blog I took a nanosecond to think about it and then started to write again. I guess I am learning from my mistakes. I’ve always been very good at that. It’s all spilled milk in the end.

Now back to what I was originally saying before the lock up. I am having a great weekend so far. I am staying with my sister in Lynchburg. She really has a great family although I didn’t really fully appreciate them until a couple of years ago. Her kids are the same age roughly as my kids. They grew up together separated by the expanse of the west coast and east coast. They saw each other about 1-2 times a year. But lately their visits have become far less frequent. This is one of the sad realities of divorce. New families, new cousins, new lives on both sides of the fence. But whenever they do get together, they have a great time. Just seeing them all together having fun just warms my heart. Kids don’t care about details, who is wrong, who is right, they just accept their reality for what it is and make the best of it. As we age, that is when we develop our sense of justice, fairness, prejudice and retribution. Kids are much more innocent. They just want to have fun and not worry about all the details that grown ups seem to care so much about. It made me remember by best friend from Jr. High. His parents and my parents, I gathered, didn’t get along. They weren’t really enemies but they just weren’t the best of friends. It was uncomfortable for the grown ups. But somehow this kid and I got to be best friends. The parents put aside their differences and just let the kids be the kids and play together. I always appreciated that about my parents and his parents. They got the heck out of the way. Kids are in survival mode when faced with crisis situations. They are looking to emotionally survive. They don’t care about the details. I hate the fact that my kids went through what they went through. I also hate the fact that I made it worse. There are always two people at fault in any conflict. I am trying to own my culpability, even now. I have been trying my best to lessen this conflict and Jennifer has sure helped me. Its always nice to have another’s person’s perspective in a difficult situation. I feel with Jennifer by my side I am a better person. Isn’t that what a spouse is supposed to elicit? Anyways for the afternoon I saw two of my kids just having fun without any of the stigma of divorce. The kids were just being kids and having fun. It was so incredibly heartwarming. We played together in the pool all afternoon. I was really roughhousing with my nieces and nephews. They still think Im cool Uncle Ricky. Everyone wanted to be on my team. It reminded me that just a couple of week’s ago, Jenni’s nephews, or my nephews now, were visiting. They are younger, around 4 and 2. I was able to wrestle, tickle, and roughhouse with them all weekend long. This is very healthy for kids. I did a documentary on Raising Boys. I was able to interview several childcare experts and one specifically described this type of play, Zestful Play. It is very healthy for kids, especially boys, because it gives them a type of security. I haven’t been able to have this with my own children for nearly 3 years now. But for one brief moment I was able to experience it again though my nieces and nephews. Of course I’ll be able to experience it even more when Jennifer and my baby is born. Im anxious for this to happen. I keep asking Jennifer to hurry up and make her two already.

I feel very blessed. God gave me a little reminder today of all that I have to look forward to again. I can’t wait.

Anxiety about Stupid Stuff

2011-07-01T06:41:00.002+03:00

I feel now that I’ve left the middle east that there really is nothing exotic going on in my life. Yet, I am so content. That is a great thing. I just can’t convey it enough, that I really never thought I’d see any happiness again. For someone as so Happy-go-lucky as I was that was a startling reality for me. But not only did I make it through the rain (like Barry Manilow) I am happier, and more content than I’ve ever been. I simply don’t worry about anything (most of the time). I think that is why I like to talk about my struggles and victories so much on this blog. Maybe if some of you readers are going through a similar circumstance you can look at my life and somehow become inspired by it. The key really is Christ. If you have Christ in your corner, is really like a no-lose insurance policy. That is if you are living your life right. If not, all bets are off. Whenever we veer off-track, and we all do, it seems like we are trying to compensate with some sort of self-indulgence. I think I heard Charles Stanley or maybe it was Steve Madsen say, We give into temptation when we don’t trust that God will do what he says he’ll do. So we self-medicate. Self-medication always makes things worse in the end. We all sober up eventually and have to face our own realities.

Now I don’t want you to think that my life is perfect. There are many negatives in my life right now. If I dwelt on those, in a short time I could be absolutely miserable and struggling. If I told you all the things that are currently going against me, you would sympathize and think I’m totally justified with my pity party. But what good does empathy do in that situation? Instead of one person miserable, now there’s two. So I’ve made a conscious choice to look on the bright side, to find the silver lining no matter how thin it may be. Sometimes its hard to do, but the more you do it, the more it becomes second nature. The more it becomes second nature the more it becomes infectious with the people you associate with. When it becomes infectious it becomes self-perpetuating. That infection of positivity also works negatively as well. That’s why I try to steer clear of negative thinking people. If you are a Christian, there is no way you should be a pessimist. If you are, you are doing it wrong. Contact me and we’ll talk about it. Think about Paul and all the time he wrote about joy, while in a Roman prison. If he can find joy (not necessarily happiness, there is a difference) then surely we can as well.

I was feeling a little anxious this morning. I had misplaced my squash racquet. I had a squash game at 12 and didn’t know what I was going to play with. Then I got anxious about the new version of Final Cut X (an editing program). I bill myself a professional editor now. I had ordered the upgrade and found out I don’t know how to edit at all on the new platform. I was absolutely lost. I was afraid I was going to have to learn how to edit all over again. As a side note, professional editors everywhere detest the new Final Cut Platform as it was designed for the amateur editors. So these two factors were really just getting me down and ruining my day. Then I caught myself. These two circumstances were so insignificant in the big scheme of things. Christ admonished “Be Anxious for nothing.” So I said a quick prayer to myself, “Spirit of fear you have no authority over me, be Gone in Jesus name.” And just like that…With a silent woosh, the anxiety disappeared. So I guess the anxiousness was some sort of spiritual attack.

It reminds me of the story of my friend Casper. I wrote about him a few years ago in my blog. Casper and I developed a short but intense friendship. God brought me into his life for a specific purpose for a specific season. That was to help him and his lovely wife, Mariette, navigate through a rough patch. He had just suddenly lost his job in Bahrain, the banks cancelled his credit cards, he just found out his wife was pregnant, and was facing deportation back to South Africa all within a matter of a couple of days. I was having dinner with them and the husband and the wife were clasping hands, not in a state of panic but these were desperate times. At the time, I had a very secure career and was very comfortable but alone. He had no security instead, just a wonderfully supportive wife and a wavering faith in God. Mariette was his bedrock. I told him very clearly, that I would trade places with him in a heartbeat. Having someone by your side believing in you is far more valuable than the temporary security of a job. So Casper, Mariette and I prayed that night for God to direct Casper’s steps. God did indeed do that. A week or so later Casper got a sweet job offer back in a very preferable place to live in South Africa. I think it was Johannesburg, Im not sure. All that worry and anxiousness didn’t do a bit of good. It was a lesson I have to continually learn, like I had to re-learn today and I’ll probably re-learn it again in the future. The devil’s goal is to sabotage our relationship with God. One of the best tools he has to do that is to whisper worry, anxiety, and doubt into our lives. When that happens we are more susceptible to temptation. Its like when Peter took his eyes of Christ walking on the water, he started to sink. As long as we keep our eyes focused on our priorites, God first, family second then we shall not sink no matter what the storm seems like that surrounds us.

Oh…I found my racquet and I have a lovely wife that believes in me and supports me. God really does want us to have it all.

#1 Company to work for in America

2011-06-30T06:25:00.000+03:00

It was a nice day today. I am enjoying my career thus far at SAS. To update you, Jennifer had planned on moving to Dubai to join me. Then at a crucial moment I was waiting on a key decision from the people I was working for in Dubai. That same day I got a job offer to come back to the US. I don’t really think it was entirely my skill. It was more like they were trying to keep my wife in the US. Since the timing was so perfect, the day we were to make a decision, it was an easy choice to come back to the US. I have found that as long as you are walking according to God’s plan the hardest decisions become the easiest to make. It seems that God closes all the doors and keeps one open so you really don’t have much of a choice. That’s why it confuses me when Christians spend so much time searching out God’s will. I think as long as you are living your life right, every choice you make is according to God’s will. If it’s not, a door will close and that will push you in the right direction.

Jennifer is starting to have a hard time with the pregnancy. Her normally solid blood pressure went up. She is swelling and having a lot of discomfort. She stayed home from work today and went to the doctor. The doctor was worried that she might be developing early stages of preeclampsia so she ordered her a week’s worth of bedrest. This wasn’t horrible news on Jennifer’s part. SAS is an incredible company to work for. They have been voted #1 company in America to work for, for two years in a row. There are so many perks here, including unlimited sick days, a 35-hour work week, on campus health care, day care, gym, pool, squash racquetball courts, no dress code, subsidized meals at over four different cafeteria style restaurants spread throughout the campus and an entirely relaxed corporate culture. I play squash on Tuesdays with a group at lunch then shower and head back to the office where I eat lunch at my desk. They take care of their employees here. The only other company I have worked for that compares with SAS is Dreamworks. I think they were #10 on this year’s Forbes list. I think this is one of the main reasons why the employees that usually get hired at SAS, retire at SAS. I feel very blessed to be there.

I am having a wonderful time with my youngest boy here. My middle son was having so much fun with his cousins in Lynchburg, we decided that he should stay up there another week. Spencer has tennis camp all week. Before this week we had been playing everyday. I am afraid that after this camp I won’t be able to beat him anymore. He is really good. I just love playing with him and having him around. I don’t have the other two, emotionally or psychologically, but at least I have one. That is an extreme blessing. I am going to sign off now, because Spencer and I are about to play Simpson’s Road Rage. I used to beat him all the time in this game. But that was when he was four . I can’t even come close to him now. He’s awesome.

Taiwanese Influences

2011-06-29T05:33:00.002+03:00

I got a couple of really nice encouraging emails after I started up this blog again. Im not sure If Im going to be able to write in it everyday like I did in the Middle East. I am a pretty fast typist so that helps, but I had a whole lot of time on my hands. That time is going to go away pretty quickly. Jenny is due to deliver our baby Girl the first week in August. I feel so incredibly blessed to have this opportunity again. Many of you know that my relationship with my children has been essentially ripped from me. I feel like this new wonderful gift of life is my second chance to relive all those memories. Really my life so closely resembles the book of Job. Only I was not entirely blameless and upright. I probably should give all of you an update on my relationships and really try not to be bitter because I don’t think I am. There are periods if I dwell on my losses, I start to feel my anger getting up, but I try to stay focused on the positives and the things I can control. My oldest daughter is an exchange student in France. She will no longer speak to me nor return my emails. She has so much animosity towards me. It really is heartbreaking especially when I watch old family movies. We were all so close once. My middle son doesn’t hate me as much, but is still very angry. My youngest tries to stay out the conflict and tries not to put himself in the middle. He is a sweet boy. It hurt when father’s day passed and I didn’t get a Happy Father’s Day greeting from any of them. That’s the fourth straight year that has happened. No calls on my birthday either. I don’t want to go into details on the rest because it just brings up the negativity. I am not angry at my children, they are victims in this mess too. I still love them and I tell them so every single chance I can get. I do not talk negatively about their mother. Everyone tells me that the kids will come around someday and that they will see the truth. That is what I’m holding out hope for. I just hope its years as opposed to decades. God is in complete control of this situation. I have extreme peace even in the midst of the storm. I think God compensates for pain and suffering too, as other parts of my life are really going well.

I connected with an old friend from Taiwan. This story is pretty cool. While I was married to my ex-wife we as a family became missionaries in Taiwan. We were teaching English as a second language through a ministry called Overseas Radio and Television. It was nice because I was able to use my television production skills in a very positive way. We had a great impact over there as a family. It was a very hard decision to leave as God was blessing us so much. We weren’t making hardly any money, but in no other time in my life did I feel richer. I digress. Even though we had plenty of ministry opportunities I am convinced that God sent our entire family over to minister to one man. His name was Kidd. The Chinese choose for themselves their own American names. He chose Kidd, because he liked Jason Kidd. Kidd and I struck up a strong relationship as I taught him how to play American Football and he taught me about Taiwan and Buddhism (his former ancestral religion). In my many year overseas I have found people are more interested in what you have to say if you have an interest in them and their beliefs. Kidd accepted Christ as his savior and soon he got his entire family to accept Christ. I think sending an entire family over to save just one man is the best example of the parable of the lost sheep that I can think of. I could write so much about that relationship. We haven’t spoken in about five years but still he will be a lifelong friend from that short bond through Christ that we shared. So Kidd’s brother Abner contacted me. Abner chose the name Abner because he bought a English name book and Abner was at the front alphabetically so he didn’t want to read the rest of the book. Abner and I chatted and he excitedly told me that he got baptized. Chinese Christians believe that you aren’t 100% saved until you get water baptized. So he was very excited to tell me that. Abner moved to the US from Taiwan and got his doctorate degree from Penn State University in engineering. He is now headed to Springfield, Missouri to teach at Missouri State University (SMS to our old Evangel pals). He has a wife and two young children. It was nice to connect with him on that level. Hopefully our paths will cross again in the future.

I say this a lot, but I am incredibly blessed. I have a lot of stories like Kidd and Abner in my life. People brought in for just a season that I minister too and they strengthen their relationship with Christ. As their walk is strengthened, mine is too almost by default. Its such an honor for me and I absolutely love doing it. I think my mission in life is to inspire people to reach their full potential. That is what I try to do through my professional and personal life. I am anxious to make an even broader impact. But for now my mission field is to take care of Jennifer and our soon be arriving newborn. Im honored that God has saw fit to use me in many ways. But again, its not my ability, its only my availability. That is all God asks of us. He’ll supply all the other ingredients.

Same Blog Different Title

2011-06-28T06:26:00.002+03:00

I thought I was done writing in this blog. First it was An American in Bahrain, then an American in Dubai. I started out writing about cultural differences between the West and Middle East and somehow it meandered into a blog about the pain of divorce and then ultimately the rebirth of a life lived according to the precepts of the Bible. Once I moved back to the US, I went through a bit of an identity crisis. For five years (Give or take a few months stateside) I was an American living either in Saudi Arabia, Bahrain, or Dubai. I had many many incredible and noteworthy experiences and friendships. The blog has blessed a lot of people but also created a bit of havoc. The drama would usually elicit interest and empathy from readers. But now that I am back in the US, I reasoned who would want to read me now? That is what I thought anyways until I got an email tonight from a dear friend from Bahrain, Isa. I met Isa entirely through this blog. He stumbled across it somehow when I lived in Bahrain. He had disagreed with my viewpoints on God. So we agreed to meet for lunch at Fuddrucker’s. I think Isa, a very devout Muslim, was expecting an argument something along the lines of
“My God can beat up your God”. But instead of telling him everything that was wrong about Islam (like he was expecting) I told him everything that was right about My God, and Christianity. This type of positivity and vulnerability about my own personal failures opened up the door for a lifelong friendship. Isa is in China now, studying to become a doctor. I am very proud of him. Anyways, I digress per usual. Isa asked me to write in the blog again. As much as I liked to call myself a lay missionary while I was overseas, the reality is that I had just as many ministry opportunities through this blog as I did in face to face situations. That is probably the biggest thing I miss about living in the Middle East, is opportunities to minister to others. But it just dawned on me with Isa’s email, that I still can have these ministry opportunities through this blog.

I do think I have a lot to write about. My life has been a roller coaster of emotions with dramatic pitfalls and tremendous accomplishments. My lovely and spirited bride has told a few of her girlfriends our story and the response usually is “I want to read that book!!!” Someday I’ll probably write my life into a book and then ultimately make it into a movie. It really has been a soap opera. If I didn’t have my faith to sustain me, I don’t know how I would have survived. I like to tell people the details of the story, because I think it’s a tremendous testimony to God’s grace and faithfulness. Jennifer has a blog which many of my faithful readers read. jenni-sloan.blogspot.com She really is a much better writer than myself, which is kind of embarrassing since I bill myself as a professional writer. Jennifer really is a freak of nature, not only is she beautiful, but she is so immensely talented at so many different things. I am really blessed to have her in my life.

So I will try to write in this blog a little more faithfully. It’s a tremendous creative and spiritual outlet for me. My life right now does have plenty of drama. So I will try to avoid the negative when possible but still be completely open and transparent. Even though there is drama, I am not dwelling on it. Why worry about something you can’t control. So instead I am focusing on the positives. I really feel that my life is peaking right now. I have a lovely wife and a beautiful baby girl due to be born in about 6 weeks. I have a great career and frankly the future has never looked brighter. Not everything is perfect, but I’ve never been filled with more hope. I have learned not be stressed about anything. But as I often say, it has nothing to do with my personality, looks, or abilities. All of my success is attributed just because I made a choice to make myself available and allowed God to use me in ways that he best saw fit. I think my life is living proof that God indeed does exist. I will try to write much more faithfully in the future as I have a plethora of things which I would still love to share. Thank you for reading.

Rick

Goodbye Dubai: Back in the US

2011-03-04T00:22:00.003+03:00

Identity. Who are we really? How do we identify ourselves? Is the identity that we have of ourselves the same identity that other’s would bestow upon us? Probably not. I still feel like I have the physical identity of a skinny 20 year old, but my belly, Jennifer, and the mirror will tell me otherwise. We tend not to be honest with ourselves about our own identity. One of the hardest things to do in life is look in the figurative mirror, recognize your flaws and admit when you’ve made mistakes. Its so much easier to blame other people for your problems. That is safe. Once you’ve started down that road of averting blame its really difficult to turn back. “I made a mistake, I was wrong, do you forgive me” Those are probably the three hardest phrases for anyone to utter. But there is so much freedom when someone can come to that self-actualization. It’s the first step to having a genuine identity. Otherwise we are all playing different characters in the theater of life. Its so much easier when you can just be yourself.

I have always been a Christian. I was fortunate to grow up in a two-parent God fearing family. While my parents weren’t perfect, They loved God and they loved each other. I think that’s 99.5% of being a good parent. The other .5% is making your child eat vegetables and my parents woefully failed in that regard. So I gave my heart to God at the age of 7 and then about 472 times after that while growing up just to be extra sure. Hell is a scary place when you grow up in a Pentecostal church. So since I always was a Christian, it was normal to me, I didn’t embrace my faith as my identity. It was just second nature. That was the problem it was second in my life. God was always there, I would drift and then come back, drift and come back. In high school and college I was the president of almost everything. I really liked being popular. I got my identity through being the “big man on campus” That all changed in a heartbeat when I lost a re-election in college to become Student Government President for a second term. Not only did I lose, I got blown out of the water. In an instant I went from my perceived identity of “Mr. Popular” to “Mr. Loser.” Psychologically I didn’t get over that loss or that loss of identity for years.

I got married young but still that wasn’t my identity. I had dreams, (which I thought at the time that were God Inspired). My identity was my film career. I was a young, aspiring screenwriter that was going to take Hollywood by storm. After all…like the Blues Brothers…I thought I was on a mission from God. Don’t misunderstand me, I was still a Christian, I was still a good husband, and I was a great father, but it wasn’t my primary identity. I believe that is the reason why I struggled in my career so much. I had moderate success. I wrote a slew of screenplays (lots of options but no sales), worked on some films, wrote and directed a lot of documentaries and biographies that aired, but I still didn’t achieve my identity defining objective of directing a “feature film” before the age of 35. Because I didn’t achieve my dream, I felt like my time in Hollywood I was somewhat of a failure. The end years in Los Angeles were pretty unhappy times. It was the year 2001. My then wife—now ex-wife—gave me an ultimatum, your family or Hollywood. She had moved with my boys to her home of Oklahoma and if I wanted to save my marriage I would leave my dreams behind. It was an excruciating but easy decision. I loved her then and I loved my kids so I left. I often tell people I went through more culture shock going from California to Oklahoma then I did when I moved from Oklahoma to Taiwan. Its strange but true. The move away from Los Angeles is where I rededicated my identity to my family. In doing this Christ became a larger part of my identity, but still not the #1. My family was #1. Since I was going to abandon my career (or so I thought) I resolved to be the best husband and the best father that I could possibly be. I think that God honored that. While my spiritual walk wasn’t as intense as it is at this moment, It was far more intense than it was with the little compromises that I would continually make in California. God blessed us so much. It was 18 months later when we were called as a family to be missionaries in Taiwan. That was the second best year of my life (behind only last year’s 2010). God blessed me because I was straightening out both my priorities and thereby my identity.

Soon after that, I felt called to Saudi Arabia. I thought the Middle East was a war zone so I was uncomfortable bringing the family at first. God clearly spoke to me in Black and White with 100% crystal clear clarity that I was supposed to go. I wanted to go alone to make sure it was safe to bring the family. The first night there I had to scan the highways because I was certain in the dead of night a bunch of terrorists with a rocket propelled grenade might be just waiting to abduct me. It was a very surreal and foolish feeling. I was scared and lonely. I missed my family so much.

In hindsight what God was doing was again changing my identity. Instead of being so identified with being a husband and a father, he wanted my identity instead to be as His Child first and foremost. God is a jealous God and he doesn’t want anything or anyone to come before Him. God incredibly blessed me despite very tough circumstances. That year of 2005 was easily the worst year of my life even though my intimacy with God was growing exponentially. About halfway through my then wife decided she wanted a new identity. So no matter what I did she was determined to have this new identity without me. I never tried anything harder or longer than to save my marriage and my family. I and dozens of friends and family fervently prayed for three years for a change of heart. I would often pray 2-3 hours a day. I called Charles Stanley and CBN’s phone prayer line everyday for two years straight. Then it ultimately hit and I was unfortunately divorced. It takes two to make a marriage…one to end it. So really I was in a helpless situation. Those that read this blog and know me best know I harp on this a lot. I do so in order to be an encouragement to others that might be going through something similar. I know firsthand that this blog has aided in the preservation of several marriages. Its worth it in that respect. But as my life goes on the mention of this is becoming less frequent. The pain, anguish, and living hell was so real then. I honestly thought and believed that I probably would never be able to smile again (not an exaggeration or to be melodramatic.) The problem was that I was losing my identity again. I had spent the past 6 years trying to be the best father and husband that I could be and in the blink of an eye (literally overnight) it was gone. But here’s the good part, God broke me down to nothingness so he could build me up with the sole Identity of being a “child of the King.” Looking back the year of loneliness was preparation. God could see into the heart of my ex-wife and he knew what was coming around the corner for me. I seriously had no clue. If she would have divorced me when we still lived together I probably would have suffered some sort of mental breakdown or at least needed medication. But God prepared me for one year to live alone with Him being my best friend and companion. God prepared me ahead of time for the storm that he knew was coming my way. My identity was finally to the point where it always should have been. I was a Christian and I was going to tell the world about it through words spoken and written. God helped me close that chapter in my life started a new one with an identity solely in him.

My relationship with my children slowly dwindled away to nothingness I was no longer even a father, the one thing that I cherished the most. This was and still is incredibly difficult to deal with. My only identity that was left for me was in Christ. I found or learned that renewed identity was enough. Friends would often call me to see how I was doing because they knew the hardships I was enduring. Even though nothing was going my way, I still had an undeniable sense of peace and joy. It didn’t make any sense. I shouldn’t have been happy, but for some reason I was.

While embracing this identity God gave me yet another one. This is when I went to Bahrain in 2008. I was a lay missionary to the Middle East. I loved this identity of being Christian halfway around the world in a different and exotic country. My life was an adventure and I embraced this identity. I felt so incredibly blessed, I was a leader, pioneer, friend, blogger, and I got to see the world and inspire others at the same time. It was a very cool identity one I felt extremely honored to carry. But still I was lonely and God saw that. In the midst of my Bahrain tour he brought the most wonderful woman possible into my life in Jennifer. Finally I was the guy who stopped bemoaning his divorced status and embraced his newly married status. Even I am sick of talking about that part of my past. Really there is no more need to talk about it since I have Jennifer though I still make reference to it periodically. I still bemoan the loss of my children primarily but that will change someday too. I do talk about it through this blog because its still part of my testimony of God’s grace and faithfulness.

So who am I now? Im child of the King first and foremost. If I would have kept that attitude earlier in life Im certain things would have turned out differently. But “You can’t unscramble eggs but God can make a beautiful omellette out of them.” – John Osteen So now I have to re-identify myself in so many ways. Im a husband, and going to be a father again. That is the identity I am now clinging to. Its been a very hard couple of weeks at work as I have decided to leave The Middle East and return to the US to be with Jennifer. Its good to be with Jennifer but hard to embrace yet another identity. This is a totally God inspired decision. But it was difficult for me emotionally transitioning from “The lay missionary, former Hollywood Director and adventurer to back being an American Husband and Father again. I was a little intimidated at first because I think I forgot how to do those things. I don’t know how to live a normal domestic life anymore. Whenever I was in the US it was always in a state of transition. So I was a little hesitant at first but the timing is undeniably God. We were waiting on a big decision for my company in Dubai. It was a fleece of sorts. That morning, I got a very good lead on some work in NC. I took that as a sign to be proactive and that God was indeed continuing to direct my steps. So Im headed back to the US again. Will it be a permanent move? I have no idea, but Im going to try to be grounded. But again, I will let God direct my steps, he has not led me astray thus far. While Im back I am hoping to see my children a little more. I haven’t spoken to them for six months (I call but they will not take nor return my calls). I miss them like crazy.

The intimidation of embracing yet other identity is a little bit daunting. But I want to do it. I am pretty good at learning from my mistakes. So this time around Im determined to keep my identity and priorities straight. At this moment I am flying halfway across the Atlantic on my way to Raleigh. I am so anxious for the plane to land. Not because I don’t like flying because I do. But for the first time in a long long time I can’t wait to run into the arms of the person waiting for me at the other side. The anticipation is incredible, but I still have four hours to go. I am a pretty lucky guy. And I’ll do my best not to have any more identity crises in the future.

An apology and retraction

2011-02-21T11:17:00.002+03:00

I made a mistake in a blog the purported broad characterizations which were inaccurate. I have since amended the offending blogs in order to rectify the situation. I was wrong plain and simple.

I mentioned that my former employer and the hiring practices of Sunni and Shia employees. It has been brought to my attention that we did indeed hire many Shia employees as well as Sunnis. Not only that we had Muslims, Christians and Hindus as well. My former employers were actually very enlightened in that regard. As a visiting ex-pat, I just do not have the knowledge and experience yet to tell the difference between a Shia and Sunni Muslim. Apparently you can tell by their accent and some of the holidays that they observe. I am just not there yet.

So if I offended or misrepresented my beliefs to anyone, I apologize. It is my objective to create a world of better understanding. When I contribute to the misunderstandings, I just defeat my own purposes.

Interview with a Russian Magazine about the Bahrain Conflict

2011-02-21T01:37:00.003+03:00

Somehow a Russian Reporter found me on Facebook. She was interviewing me for a piece for her magazine. I took out her name to protect her identity. But I thought you might interested in our discourse.

---------- February 18 at 6:06pm Report

Mr. Beeman,

My name is ---------, I work for the Ukrainian weekly magazine Focus. We plan to write an article about foreigners who stay in those Arab countries where during the last weeks people have been protesting. What I want - to show some life stories of those Americans, Europeans who can tell me why they do not flee, why they stay and experience those events along with Muslim people. What I ask - just your views on that, I know that you live in Dubai, but still you can share your opinion with us. Or, may be, can help to contact some friends of yours who live in either Egypt, Bahrain or Yemen etc.

Appreciate your help in advance!

All the best,

-----------

Foreign Desk Editor

Focus magazine

www.focus.ua

Rick Beeman February 18 at 11:39pm

Hi ----. I would be glad to speak with you. I lived in Bahrain for nearly two years and followed the political situation quite closely. I blogged about the unrest yesterday http://rickbeeman.blogspot.com/

I can connect you with ---------, he is a Brit right in the middle of all the action in Bahrain. Another guy is an American named ---------- he was in the Egypt mess too right before Bahrain. His fiancee is egyptian.

My situation is a little different. I loved living in Bahrain and moved only because I wanted a bigger platform to share my worldview. I was actually in Bahrain talking with my former employers about the unrest last week and left two days before the demonstrations started.

I want to use media to change the way that American think about Muslims and the Middle East. Most Americans think that this place is just a warzone filled with terrorists. I found Arabs to be great people. Unfortunately with this unrest the stereotype which I am fighting is being cemented in the consciousness of the west.

I am not worried in the UAE at all. The UAE is only 12% emirati with the rest being Ex-pat. There is no way unrest will happen here especially since the citizens love the government. If you have any more questions -----, I would be glad to answer.

Rick

--------- February 21 at 1:40am Report

Dear Rick,

I do not know whether you received my answer earlier this day, I wrote you from my cellphone and it seems that the message haven't been sent. Anyway, I want to thank you for your quick reply and for contacts. You wrote about stereotypes of Americans about Arab people. Yes, we all are the victims of images that are often planted in our minds by force. However what do you think about stereotypes of Arab people about Western nations (meaning both Americans and Europeans)? On the other hand, what Arab world wants these days while protesting - to follow the way Western countries live, am I right? And what is the formula for a riot to explode, as well as among those countries where people protest now there wealthy as well?

Rick Beeman February 21 at 2:19am

No ----, I didn't get your message. Stereotypes are given to us by our parents generally. We adopt the same prejudices that are modeled to us by our family. I was fortunate to grow up in California in the United States, which is a melting pot of cultures. Its the American way to accept everyone as equal no matter what gender, race or creed. Of course some people do this better than others. There is still racism in the US, but far less when compared with the rest of the world, especially here in the Middle East. I ran across this prejudice not just with sectarian divisions but divisions within arabs themselves based on the region where they emanate.

As far as the stereotypes of Westerners I have a funny story. I taught acting classes as kind of a hobby while in Bahrain. One of my young Bahraini students, age 21, was very talented. I was throwing a small little party. He was scared to death to attend. Because he knew I was a former Hollywood Director he thought the party that I was throwing was going to be filled with drugs, sex, and alcohol. He was a good muslim that thought he might be walking into an orgy. That was the stereotype that he was working with. When he arrived and found a quiet, mild, social gathering he was quite relieved. But that is the wild perception of Americans that most Arabs especially in Saudi Arabia have. The perception that these Americans live these wild and debased lifestyles. We, the Americans, stereotypically are the personification of too much freedom. That is what the Muttawa and other clerics warn against when justifying their conservatism. Interestingly enough, most Arabs I found aren't really opposed to that perceived lifestyle, many of them are envious of it. When my Arab friends get to know me on a social level they realize that we are very similar. We have the same hopes, dreams, and fears. We are not that different. However it is human nature to want to be better than the "other guy". That is why so many people adhere to stereotypes, its easier to believe corporately that one race is better than the other. It makes us feel better about ourselves. It takes a truly enlightened mind to recognize their own flaws and extol the virtues of our neighbor.

Many of my friends are concerned for my safety because of the riots that they see on CNN. What they don't realize is that these demonstrations are not Anti-western. In fact they are trying to embrace democracy and the American way of life. If anything we are supporters of this. It is unifying the great divide not increasing it.

I think it is human nature to blame someone else for our problem rather than look in the mirror of self-accountability. So when the poor rally against a regime it is giving them a tangible target to focus their frustrations. So you have this pool of emotional petrol with the protestors. All these protestors need just a small spark to ignite. The bigger the protest the smaller the spark needed. So just one person needs to be unjustly (as perceived by the public and media) injured or killed for the ignition and eruption to take place. That is where the military in Bahrain got it wrong. In today's information age, facebook and twitter "Might does NOT make right." Quite the opposite actually. The governments that fight are only hastening their own eventual demise. This is only a recent trend due to increasing power of social media. The uprisings that failed in China (Tiannemen Square) and Iran, would most likely succeed today as they did in Egypt and now Bahrain.

As far as the wealthy people protesting...well its pretty trendy isn't it. Everyone wants to be in the in crowd.

I hope those answers aren't too wordy and it gives you enough material to formulate a coherent quote. Please send me a link to your article when you finish it.

Bahraini Uprising: Fuel to the Fire

2011-02-19T00:27:00.003+03:00

This situation in Bahrain is getting worse. Since I am now living away from Bahrain, I feel like I can objectively review the situation from afar. I am keeping close tabs on the proceedings from my many facebook friends especially John. (Somehow a reporter from a Russian Magazine got a hold of me to get my viewpoint of the events from Bahrain. It was flattering.) The violence that is happening in Bahrain now is very real and getting more and more treacherous. I still receive emails from the US Embassy in Bahrain warning of the threats and demonstrations. They are advising all Americans to stay in their homes until further notice.

Objectively speaking the Royal Family and the military seem to be really making matters worse. Common sense tells you, you don’t quell an uprising by attacking unarmed protestors. With the use of force there are bound to be accidental deaths and that is only going to inflame the situation and further entrench the opposition. Instead of dispersal you are galvanizing your opponents. Your own countrymen. In the worldwide PR game (which is incredibly important in today’s media) Bahrain has come across as the bully. Being aggressive against the opposition historically has come back with mixed results. In the pre-internet era the protests at Tiananmen Square was squashed quickly and effectively by the hardline Communist Government. More recently the uprisings were quelled in Iran too. But the emergence of facebook and social media are going to make these examples fewer and far between. The current Government of Bahrain is in a very bad way right now. The slogan is “Business Friendly” Bahrain. Isn’t that an extreme dichotomy right now. Bahrain was a great place to live while I was there, but this conflict for tourism and business is going to set them back for 20 years or so. The highlight of the year for the Bahrainis Internationally speaking is the F1 race. Bahrain has visitors from all over the world descend its borders. Bernie Ecclstone the head of Formula One just announced the race in Bahrain was in jeopardy for March. I would be shocked if they don’t cancel it soon. Its too much of a risk for them right now. Bahrain is a great great country. I have made documentaries detailing its history, but unfortunately, this conflict is going to be a black eye that will take many months if not years to heal.

Washington has denounced these attacks and this is quite important. The US is faced with a quandary who to support. Ideologically the States always falls in the line of pro-democracy. However, the ruling Khalifa family is very tight with the US and the UK. The Fifth Fleet is evidence of that. If the US wanted to, it could flex its muscle and squash the uprising in a heartbeat. Fortunately, they have not done that. I pray that they don’t become militaristically involved. I don’t believe its their place to do that. Let the Bahraini’s figure it out for themselves. As long as there is not genocide happening we should stay out. If the Shia prevail and topple the government there are real and immediate concerns that Bahrain would become a province or close Ally of Iran. With Iran’s potential of nuclear arms they are the US’ “threat du jour” The US’ key presence in the region would be compromised and quickly come to an end if Bahrain becomes associated with Iran. The fifth fleet could relocate to Qatar or even the UAE and still be able to operate effectively. There are some that argue that the US should have no presence in the Middle East at all, but I do not fall inline with that camp. There are some radicals over here in the Mid East still and left untended to, could do major international damage. Like it or not, the reality is that the US has become sort of the human rights police, a more militant arm of the UN so to speak. As an American I’m grateful for that as I believe they do more harm than good. There is a lot of chatter about their involvement with Afghanistan. But my good friend and co-worker is leading a humanitarian effort through the UN to help rebuild Afghanistan. Even with the US military presence, Afghani suicide bombers are still blowing themselves and their country men up. Without our presence it would be a lot worse.

So back to Bahrain, the US would love for the Khalifas to stay in power but by the aggressive action of the military, politically its getting harder and harder for the US to stand behind the rulers. Not only do the Khalifa’s run the risk of ostracizing their own people but they are going to lose their most powerful allies in the process. The Government/Military of Bahrain will tell you that this is a Sectarian (Religious) conflict. But there are increasing reports stating that Sunni’s are crossing over to join with the Shia in the protests against their government. If that is the case, then it seems like its only a matter of time for the Bahraini monarchy to fall. With their increasingly aggressive efforts to maintain control they are only hastening the end result, domestically and internationally.

Jennifer asked me to write about how this conflict could eventually affect us here in Dubai. Apparently there are a lot of well-meaning American friends advising her to steer clear of the Middle East. While Bahrain is only a 45 minute plane ride away, the conflict might as well be a world away. In my opinion there is no way that this sort of disturbance happens in the UAE for several reasons. First the Emiratis for the most part are very happy with their government. They hold the late Sh. Zayed in such high regard. They treat him like the Americans treat George Washington. Second and most importantly, Emiratis only account for about 15% of the population of the UAE. The rest are ex-pats from the Philipines, India, US, Canada, and Russia primarily. If the expats don’t like what is happening in the government, all they have to do is leave. Thirdly the UAE looks to directly benefit form these regional conflicts by increases in tourism and economy. If people are wary of doing business or vacationing in Egypt or Bahrain, Dubai offers a convenient and cheap alternative. So Im not worried about my safety here at all. I still believe Im called by God to be here for this period in my life. He will protect me. My faith is in my God, not the military surrounding me.

So for my friends still in Bahrain let me encourage you with Psalm 91. Our prayers are with you.

Psalm 91

1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High

will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.[a]

2 I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress,

my God, in whom I trust.”

3 Surely he will save you

from the fowler’s snare

and from the deadly pestilence.

4 He will cover you with his feathers,

and under his wings you will find refuge;

his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

5 You will not fear the terror of night,

nor the arrow that flies by day,

6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,

nor the plague that destroys at midday.

7 A thousand may fall at your side,

ten thousand at your right hand,

but it will not come near you.

8 You will only observe with your eyes

and see the punishment of the wicked.

9 If you say, “The LORD is my refuge,”

and you make the Most High your dwelling,

10 no harm will overtake you,

no disaster will come near your tent.

11 For he will command his angels concerning you

to guard you in all your ways;

12 they will lift you up in their hands,

so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra;

you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 “Because he[b] loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him;

I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble,

I will deliver him and honor him.

16 With long life I will satisfy him

and show him my salvation.”

Unrest in Bahrain

2011-02-17T17:12:00.002+03:00

It is an amazing, disheartening, and surreal scene happening in Bahrain now. The stage of empowerment was set in Egypt and now the impetus for change has spread throughout the Middle East to the tiny country of Bahrain (1.2 million) which I called home for nearly two years. I wonder if Mark Zuckerberg had any idea how much his creation would actually change the world in just under 10 years. It has nothing to do with facebook really. Facebook just gives people a forum to which they can communicate. Most every paper in the Middle East and other Communist countries are state-run. So they are filled with propaganda. I was blessed to grow up in a country with what was a free press. The press in the states acted as the fourth branch of the government able to keep politicians and the judicial system in line by way of informing the public of the truth. I often wondered if someone growing up in a controlled media environment actually trusted their own country’s media. When I was in Bahrain I read the paper everyday with the knowledge that it was essentially 100% propaganda, a glorified national press release. I wondered, do people actually buy into this stuff? With the forum of facebook acting as a galvanizing force, you see that they really do not. Even the headlines in the Gulf Daily News are avoiding all topics of the insurrection. As if ignoring them will make it all go away.

So for my American and non-Bahraini friends let me synopsize the conflict. There is a vast divide between Sunni and Shia Muslims. This is not just Bahrain, but Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, Saudi, and Bahrain wherever there are Arabs there are conflicts between these two factions. It would be similar to Christians going up against the Mormons, or the Baptists going against Presbyterians. It all could have been avoided if the Prophet Muhammed would have left a will. Generally speaking, Sunni Muslims believe after the Prophet died that Islam should be carried on by his disciples. Shia Muslims believe that Islam should be carried on by his family. The two factions have been warring with each other since then. Bahrain is run by the Al-Khalifa family which is among the 30% Sunni minority. While 70% of the Shia Majority are the ones behind the conflict. The Shia do have a legitimate beef as they are discriminated against. History tells us over and over that the minority can only control the majority for a short period of time. Go ask any Brit, they will be glad to tell you. So it seems like the hold on Bahrain is a tenuous one for the Al-Khalifa-Sunni’s. The thing that the Khalifa’s have going for them is that they are very tight with the US and Britain. Bahrain is home to the 5^th fleet, the largest navy base outside of the continental US. It’s a very key presence in the Middle East region for the US. So if the Khalifa’s need to go to Big Brother, it will be interesting to see how the US gets involved. The US stayed out of the Egypt mess as well as it should have. Hopefully they will stay out of this mess as well.

This sort of conflict between Sunni and Shia in Bahrain has been going on for decades. I was witness to several demonstrations. They were rather simple displays of burning tires in the middle of the street, burning couches to block roadways or more seriously the occasional Molotov cocktail. Its human nature to blame someone else for your problems and the Shia seemed to content to blame the Khalifa/Sunni’s for their problems.

The escalation all started of course with Egypt. That sent a strong message that uprisings could topple governments no matter how wealthy the royal family. The escalations in Bahrain all started because a group of people were holding a funeral procession to honor someone killed in Egypt. A soldier inadvertently (or advertently I don’t know) shot a Bahraini protester. Then more Bahraini’s amassed to protest the shooting and another two were shot. Then more protesters and more people were shot. Soon they were gathered by the thousands in the Pearl Roundabout (a landmark) and tear gas and riot police were out in force trying to aggressively and physically quell the uprising. Don’t they realize that aggression is only going to unite the minority and galvanize (I like that word) them into action? If they just would have let the protests go on protesting peacefully they would have become either bored or hungry after awhile and have resumed their lifestyle. (Look at how many peaceful protests go on peacefully in the US without any violence. Of course the states have freedom of speech.) With the increased aggression by the government/military its giving the protestors something tangible to fight against. Its like they are backing the Shia into the corner. As I watch Youtube videos of tanks rolling into the streets and tear gassing the protestors, and outlawing any demonstrations, it seems like the conflict is escalating. They might be able to temporarily quell the uprising but thanks to facebook and twitter the protestors will still be able to communicate and coordinate with each other. Egypt showed them it can be done. Now unfortunately the Bahrainis seem to want to find out for themselves it can be done there too. My hearts and prayers go to all my friends Bahrain.

Lohan, child actors, and various other train wrecks

2011-02-11T20:56:00.002+03:00

What a train wreck Lindsey Lohan’s life has become. I think it is a cautionary tale not only for child actor’s life but all children of privilege when not enough discipline is meted out. We have seen the out of control stories over and over again in the world especially in athletics. A kid from poverty has millions bestowed upon him, gets the entourage with “yes” people and no one around to tell him no. Without discipline he pisses the money away, hello MC Hammer. Tiger Woods didn’t fall apart until after he lost his father and thus the discipline that he brought to hold Tiger in check even as an adult.

It even happened to Elvis. Elvis is a distant relative of mine (like 14^th or 15^th cousins) not enough to get royalties from his empire but enough to mention as a conversation piece at parties. I was able to work on two Elvis biographies early in my career. Elvis was just a poor country kid who had fame and fortune thrown upon him at an early age. His opulent lifestyle was well documented. Though he was very generous with the people surrounding him, he didn’t know how to handle the pressure and the wealth. It ultimately killed him. So when he died in 1977 he was almost bankrupt. Priscilla, a savvy businesswoman, went on the build up estate again.

OK back to Lohan. You see this lack of discipline and careening lifestyle in many of the child actors. Look at the cast of Different Strokes with Dana Plato, Todd Bridges, and Gary Coleman. Children aren’t supposed to have that much power and control. If children don’t get their discipline from their parents how are they going to learn to self-discipline. Kids get their security from their parents setting up their boundaries and then being consistent with those boundaries. It simply isn’t healthy for a child to grow up that fast.

I have always been interested in stardom and Hollywood. When I was in Hawaii in the 1970’s they were filming an episode of Hawaii 5-0 (the original with Jack Lord). I waited for hours hoping the crew would see me and discover me. Finally I was able to sit at a table by the pool when the co-star walked past. I was on the screen for a half-second in a blur shot. But I was thrilled. When I worked in Hollywood my children were “discovered” when they were infants and toddlers at a Costco. Perhaps I fell into the trap and tried to live my life through the kids and their performances which was absolutely wrong of me. I think my daughter was 3 when she got “discovered.” She was and is beautiful. We got them into acting classes and they went on several auditions. They were beautiful and talented, all three of them. We would get callbacks on about 50% of our auditions (which is very good) and then second callbacks on half of those. But by the time we got to the third call back with 10-15 equally as beautiful and talented children it became a simple crapshoot. We booked several commercials, a few minor bits on a TV series, and some print work but never the big national spot or starring role that would go to cover the kids college tuition. We probably would have better odds at playing the lottery. The pressure on those auditions was intense. The parents would get into the child’s face like a coach would a player and try to hype them up but it wound up scaring the kids. Some of the things that I saw were appalling. I tried not to emulate that with my children. Now this isn’t just child actors, it’s a problems with sports, and any other example when there is not enough discipline meted out. I remember when my middle son was playing baseball at the age of 5 I think. I overhead a parent talking that they were targeting the big leagues for their child. “What!” The kid was 5.

Now my children had a little bit of success in Hollywood but we were sure to keep them in check with the discipline. That is until my divorce. Now it sucks that I have no authority to discipline my kids. I do believe my kids are great and I do love them, but how they are responding to me at present is wrong. The frustrating thing is that I can do very little about it. My ex decided to let the kids make their own choices in which they are too young to do so. (Its interesting that she only allows them to make their own choices as long as it adheres to what she wants. When its not she manipulates the situation until she gets the response she desires). Fortunately, I can see through this parental alienation and in no way do I harbor any resentment towards the kids. I blame the source. I still love the kids and know that they will see my heart someday.

OK, back to the child actor thing. I remember being at a party once with a high powered and seasoned agent. He mentioned that he would never allow his children to be child actors and any responsible parent would do likewise. I took issue with him since my kids were doing the child acting thing at the time. But in hindsight, he was right. Kids crave discipline its essential to their development. When that discipline isn’t there the children grow up too fast. Kids grow up too fast enough today anyways.

Think about it, if we all had a little more self-discipline, wouldn’t this world be a better place. It all starts at home. “Spare the rod, spoil the child.”

The 10-40 Window

2011-02-01T23:20:00.003+03:00

I haven’t been writing in this blog that much lately. After the top ten list, everything that is happening in 2011 seems a little bit anti-climactic. But that doesn’t mean that there is nothing going on. I don’t want this blog to continually focus on the past as I have bemoaned it plenty of times. I do feel led to talk about it periodically as I know that it has benefitted some of you readers out there of which Im grateful. If I can be a blessing or if someone can learn from my hardships it sure makes it a little easier for me. But I have such a wonderful life to look forward to, especially finally living like a regular family with Jennifer and the addition of the little one. I know she is going to be a wonderful mother. One of my greatest joys in life is being a father. So I get to experience that once again. Jennifer is chronicling her pregnancy so if you haven’t read it, I’d encourage you to do so. jenni-sloan.blogspot.com/

Another huge reason I am not writing in the blog daily, like I did in Bahrain is there are just not a lot of cultural insights here. I feel like Im living in Los Angeles, only with more Indians and Russians. But something did happen to me yesterday that was noteworthy. I left my sunglasses in Hardees. The sunglasses weren’t super expensive, but not cheap either. So I went back the next day and they were waiting for me behind the counter. Would that have happened in the US? Another story Im not sure I mentioned. My videographer lost his phone on National Day (their July 4^th). That was a crazy crazy day. There was so much excitement spilling everywhere into the streets. I thought the phone was lost for good. But he called it, and the person that answered arranged to deliver it back to him. Again, would that have happened in the US? People are very considerate and trustworthy here. This is the safest place I have ever lived. Even though things are getting nutty in Egypt and Jordan, this part of the Middle East is still great. Now, Im going to be absolutely honest, like I always am in this blog and give you both sides of the story. There are some negatives about living here. One of them, is that Arabs have a peculiar way of doing business. It has taken me awhile to adjust, but I think Im there. Without getting into specifics, and I know this is a stereotype but Logic just doesn’t seem to be that important here. Mr. Spock would be totally lost. Those westerners that live here will know exactly what Im talking about. But the good still far outweighs the bad. I do miss the US. The beef for one thing isn’t really that great out here because there just aren’t a lot of cows grazing in the desert (go figure). And the Diet Coke (to which Im addicted) is called Coke Light and tastes more like Diet Rite, than Diet Coke. But I still feel like Im called to be here for this certain period of my life. Im thrilled that Jennifer will be joining me. I think part of the reason why Im here is to spread my faith. I do it a lot through this blog and interpersonally. I haven’t had a chance to reach as many people as I did in Bahrain, but I think that point will come.

The area in the Middle East where Im living is called the 10/40 window. This means a geographic area or belt that has very little Christian Influence. Ill let Wikipedia explain: The 10/40 Window is a term coined by Christian missionary strategist Luis Bush in 1990[1] [2] to refer those regions of the eastern hemisphere located between 10 and 40 degrees north of the equator, a general area that in 1990 was purported to have the highest level of socioeconomic challenges [3] [4] and least access to the Christian message and Christian resources [5] [6] [7] on the planet. The 10/40 Window concept highlights these three elements: an area of the world with great poverty and low quality of life, combined with lack of access to Christian resources.The Window forms a band encompassing Saharan and Northern Africa, as well as almost all of Asia (West Asia, Central Asia, South Asia, East Asia and much of Southeast Asia). Roughly two-thirds of the world population lives in the 10/40 Window. The 10/40 Window is populated by people who are predominantly Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Animist, Jewish or Atheist. Many governments in the 10/40 Window are formally or informally opposed to Christian work of any kind within their borders.

So Im right smack dab in the middle of that window and maybe that is why I am here. I do want to make a difference in this world. I think if everyone could experience the peace and joy that I have in my life (despite the trying circumstances) this world would be a better place. Perhaps I can make a mass impact through the use of media. Wow I didn’t mean to write this long. One of the main reasons I haven’t been writing that much in this blog lately is that Im finally working on another screenplay. I haven’t written a screenplay since 1999. But I am working on a pretty good one now. Its an Arabic love story with some really great spiritual twists. Im pretty sure this one will sell since I know about this culture now. I have written in many different genres but never a love story before. But for one like me that has loved, lost, and loved again, I think I bring a very unique perspective. You are supposed to write about what you know. I think I know love thing now.

"Bullseye!!!" Top 10 of 2010 #2 & #1

2011-01-25T22:53:00.004+03:00

#2 What a surprise!

I flew back in November to surprise Jennifer…and boy were we both surprised. We had been so careful as to “protect” ourselves. Then my last night there…well we got a little… how shall I say this, less fastidious on the consequences for a few good reasons. Well they seemed good at the time anyways. After all, we still wanted to travel the world, and being situated in Dubai (right in the middle of everything) made that all possible. So this is a little PG-13 in the form of imagery, nevertheless, afterwards I turned to her and proclaimed. I think I just made you pregnant. She of course blew me off. I didn’t really want to believe it myself. So I fly back to Dubai the next day. As Im having my morning chat with God, I very clearly and matter of factly heard Him say, “Jennifer’s pregnant.” So all of sudden, I start convincing myself maybe I can’t really hear from God. Then He clearly said “Whether you want to accept it right now or not, she’s pregnant. You’re going to need to adjust.” So there I was for the next few weeks telling myself that I didn’t hear from God. Don’t get me wrong. I certainly want more children, I just wasn’t sure I wanted them this fast. Jennifer and I because of our current living situation haven’t really gone through the proper “honeymoon” phase. Although whenever we’re together, there is usually a smile on my face. Nevertheless we just haven’t been physically next to each other all that often. I think its like a total of 3 months in the nearly a year now we’ve been married. So even when she told me she took a test at the doctor and it was negative, somehow I still knew. Then something wonderful happened. I was on a scout at the Emirates Palace Hotel in Abu Dhabi and I got a text informing me she was pregnant. Instantaneously my fear went to excitement. I was going to be a father again!. Sure Jennifer and I were a little stunned but we feel so incredibly blessed. For me this just shows how faithful God really is. As many of you know my story, the most precious thing in my life was my wife and family. To have them ripped away from me was devastating. I felt like the character Job from the Bible in many respects. But as I went through my grief, pain, and anguish I focused all of my positive energies on God and tried not to dwell on the negative. The trick was getting the focus off of me and onto God and others. (That really is the key to happiness, getting the focus off yourself FYI) Like Job, I feel like Im getting a double portion of blessing and a second chance. I don’t want two wives However, one is quite challenging enough. But the fact that God honored me with such an amazing wife like Jennifer is what really is remarkable. The details of Jennifer I think really show God’s faithfulness. She is drop dead gorgeous, an electric smile with these deep blue eyes and long flowing blonde hair, amazing body, incredibly passionate, funny (sometimes,) goofy, great with kids, 12 years younger than me, heart for God, Mensa-level intelligence, great career, able to admit she is wrong and apologize (though Im at fault most of the time). What are the odds that I’d find a girl like this that just so happens to work for a company that has it’s Middle East headquarters in Dubai, (less than a mile from where I’m living). Yet the absolute best thing about Jennifer is that she loves me. After going without love for so long, it feels so good to be adored again. Its like that first drink of water after you’ve been wandering in the desert for days. So not only did God bless me with the most wonderful wife in the world, but now the effortless addition of child. Im also thankful that I have a stable career going now. In the film/tv industry that is really saying something. So the baby is headed our way at the beginning of August. ….Oh…I almost forgot the funniest part. When I heard the news in December of the verified pregnancy I was in a state of shock. So I sat down across from Reg, my boss in our home office. I said, Jennifer’s pregnant. He had this puzzled look on his face. “You mean from your last trip in November.” I nodded my head. “Bullseye!!!” He proclaimed. That summed it up quite nicely.

#1 Marrying Jennifer OK, this might seem anti-climactic at this point. But still I had to be accurate. I know Jennifer had this at #2. There is a reason why it’s number one. I did a lot studying and went to a lot of classes on child-rearing. The fact that hit me the most was from Growing Kid’s God’s Way. Amongst their many strong theories was the most important aspect to raising a child. That was for the father to love the mother. The child should be an addition to the family (Parent Centered) not what the family is based on (child-centered). Knowing that mom and dad love each other will give the child security, and confidence. Take that love away and you have scared, insecure, innocent kids that just had their stability stolen from them. Its made worse when the relationship breaks and there is hatred and bitterness involved. It’s a toxic poison that is easily spread. I hate the fact that I was partially responsible for doing this to my own children. I hope that someday I can be reconciled with them and have a relationship that God intended a father to have with his children.

OK back to #1 Since it was the second marriage for both Jennifer and I. We didn’t want a large wedding. So on March 18, we went to the courthouse in Raleigh NC, sat before the judge, and became husband and wife. Not only will this go down as the #1 highlight of 2010, I think I have the #1 of the decade wrapped up as well.

Following Christ had to be the best decision I have every made. Marrying Jennifer is easily the second best. I believe #2 was only possible because of #1.

Top 10 of 2010 #4 & #3

2011-01-24T18:57:00.005+03:00

Wow, Im wordy. I guess that is a good thing since I bill myself as a professional writer. I thought I could get through this top 10 list with maybe one or two pages. But as I write I find myself reliving the experiences. I love details and stories. So I keep wanting to add detail at every turn. So hopefully I can get through this list quickly as Im trying to stay in sync with Jennifer’s blog jenni-sloan.blogspot.com/ I am copying her format anyway so props to her. I would also encourage you to keep your own top 10 list, and do it every year. What a wonderful way to relive moments in your life especially a few years down the road when we forget everything. If you think about it, can you really remember even the best thing that happened to you in 1999 or 2003? What about the fifth best thing that happened two years ago? Memories fade but words have a lasting impact. I wish I would have started this years ago. On with the list.

#4 Spending a month with the kids and Jennifer during the summer in San Francisco. Wow was there some drama around this one. I married Jennifer in March 2010 and we had the opportunity to fly out Texas so I wanted her to meet my children. I let X know when we would arrive. But when we got there she had taken the kids away. I was really heartbroken. Imagine flying halfway around the world and not being able to see your children. This was made worse since I hadn’t seen them for nearly six months. So I planned on the kids meeting her in July instead during my court-ordered visitation. I sent several letters stating my exact arrival date both through my lawyer and direct email. But as I suspected when I arrived she hid them again. Im sure she was thinking that I wouldn’t take her to court since it would be a long drawn out process and I had to get back to the Middle East. What X didn’t realize, that with Jennifer’s full support, I resigned my position in Bahrain with the sole purpose to fight to see my kids. So Jennifer used up all of her vacation time and we waited in Texas for the subpoena and the court date. This was done at considerable expense and frustration but the kids were worth it. My wonderfully supportive parents flew in from California to be with Jennifer and I during this hearing. One thing about Alienation, is not only do the kids lose their relationship with their father, but the father’s family as well. The kids and my parent used to be very close. Now my parents have only seen the kids once in the past two years. How is that healthy for them? It’s heartbreaking for my parents, they are not dealing with it as well as I am. But alas, I digress once again. So the judge took the kids off into a separate room for which I was thankful. My parents and Jennifer were anxiously awaiting in the other room. It was stupid that I had to spend money on a lawyer and go to court in the first place. All I wanted to do was see my kids. I told the judge passionately, nearly in tears, “I haven’t seen my daughter in two years. All I want is to visit with them.” Well the judge saw right through the technicalities that X was trying to hide behind. It was a 100% win. She was ordered to give up the kids and pay the court costs. I could have charged her with contempt of court (and easily won) but all I wanted to do really was see the kids. When I picked up the kids they were so angry with me. My oldest wouldn’t even look at me, and the kids didn’t really speak for two days. Nevertheless I flew them to California to my parents house and we all had a great time, although my kids won’t admit it. We went to amusement parks, they spent time with their cousins, saw family, went swimming most every day. The most important thing is they got to meet Jennifer and were de-brainwashed/alienated for a short period. They really liked her at first. In short, they just were around family that loved them. We were not the monsters that we were portrayed to be. The good feelings lasted while they were in a positive environment but it quickly vanished. They went home and were quickly convinced (rebrainwashed/alienated) that maybe they didn’t have that great of time after all. But it does give me hope for the future that time and love will heal the wound. But they have to be out of the negative control of that environment. If they were to express love to me in any form, they would be shunned in their own house. So their reactions during this difficult time really are an emotional survival instinct.

#3 My first skype conversation with Jennifer This was the first week of January. It started out that we were IM chatting with each other, then it turned into a phone call, then webcam. I printed out my first real IM chat with Jennifer on this day at it was 55 pages long. Both of us are very fast typists you see. I re-read it sometime back and it is hilarious. Some of it would even be publishable. Its just very witty and entertaining. We followed that up when she got home from work with the webcam. It was clear to see even then that we would marry each other. We were both so intrigued and amazed by each other. The fact that we were physically attracted to the other was a relief. It was the following day that I told her I loved her for the first time. It was plain for us both that it was “Love at first Skype” I tried to hold in those words “I Love You” until I met her face to face for the first time. But I just quite couldn’t help myself. It was like I was bursting. I had been searching and praying for her for two years and God answered my prayer. By the time I realized what time it was, it was 8:30 am. I had literally been chatting/talking/camming with her all night long for 12 hours straight. It was a very strange feeling that 12 hours felt like 12 minutes and we easily could go another 12 hours. I decided to go to church and forego sleeping altogether. So I showered and remembered that I was floating. I think I told Russ or Darren that I met the girl I was going to marry. They just rolled their eyes. I mean after all…I’m the guy that has conversations with God. So my friends take me with a grain of salt and I accept that. I was doing fine through the song service until I sat down for the preaching. All my euphoria from the talk with Jennifer went out the window as I fell asleep during the service about 10 times. Its only noticeable when you head droops forward and you jerk your head back startling yourself. This was the great advantage of Evangel College. I had to go to chapel everyday at 10:00 am. Not only did I graduate with a non-official minor in Chapel (40 credit hours) but more importantly I learned how to sleep sitting up. For the rest of my life that will be one of the most important things that College did for me
.

Top 10 of 2010 #7-#5

2011-01-22T23:03:00.005+03:00

This is a continuation of my top 10 in 2010. As I said yesterday, I believe it is important to look back at the positive things in life in order to help you have courage to face whatever adversities you have in life. I know I get quite “preachy” in this blog and that offends some people. However, I have found the people that get most offended by the “preachiness” usually have something about which to feel a little guilty. So there is always a reason why you strike a nerve. I write this blog as I live my life, as the Holy Spirit directs. Now Christians have an incredibly unfair advantage over non-believers. I firmly believe that if you are a Christian usually everything comes up roses in the end (as long as you are living your life right). If it doesn’t, then God gives you the peace and serenity to

accept it. Now a non-believer could be happy, absolutely. But with Christians the joy is sustaining. Long term peace and joy beat moments of happiness hands down. OK..on with the list.

#7 Squash with Darren No this is not a singular event. This was actually spread over the course of my entire Bahrain experience. Darren turned out to be one of my closest friends in Bahrain. We played squash once or twice a week at the British Club. The games were absolutely intense and an incredible workout for the both of us. He beat me more often than not. What was the most special things about the matches was our conversations between. Each of us hated to lose and played like we were in the 9^th inning of the 7^th game of the World Series. But between the matches we just had these great uplifting conversations about each other’s lives. Darren and I had a lot in common so he could offer a point of view that was unique. Really we had mini therapy sessions. After the game we would unwind by the British Club pool and have a meal or a soda.

They were really l “Ah…this is the life” moments. Not only were we great competitors, Darren also was an avid sportsfan. We never ran out of things to talk about. One thing I miss the most about Bahrain are the squash matches, but I know I have a life long friend.

#6 Leaving Bahrain My 20 months at my company in Bahrain was a fabulous experience for me. I loved being a General Manager. My management style, Im afraid to admit, was a bit like Michael from the Office. But less dorky. I established lifelong friendships with every single employee there. I have memories working and socializing with them that will last a lifetime. God really incredibly blessed me there. I remember specifically while I was praying in Jan. of 2010 that God told me that my time in Bahrain would soon be coming to an end. This was before my relationship with Jennifer heated up, and before I met Reg and OneTVO. I kept waiting for the end to happen. That is why I moved in with Coach Pat thinking it would only be a month or two. Well that month turned into six months. It was so great to have Jennifer behind me and believing in me during this time. That empowered me to make bold decisions. The owner’s son was now running the company and it was clear to see that you don’t have two head coaches. What was amazing is that they wanted me to stay, but I had such a clear peace about leaving. I do miss certain parts of Bahrain very much. It was like Bahrain was the training ground for my professional maturity. Now I feel as if I am reaping the experiential benefits.

#5 Surprising/meeting Jennifer at the Airport Jennifer and my romance is such a fairtytale.

I know how to write drama and I can easily recognize it when its happening even in my own life. Jennifer and I knew that we would marry each other from our second phone conversation. It was such a surreal feeling. Its not like we ever said “if” we get married. It was just an accepted inevitability. Both of us knew it. It was just instant cohesion. But of course I had to meet her face to face first. We webcammed before so there is not much hiding if you have something to hide. We were both attracted to each other. But would there be chemistry on her part when we met? That was the first unknown. Since I have a flair for the dramatic and my life will be made into a movie, I wanted to have a climactic ending or beginning depending on your point of view. So I arranged to have my photographer and videographer record our first meeting. Since I had a huge bouquet of flowers with me, there was a curiosity amongst the crowd. I was extremely nervous, I rarely get that nervous. So when Jennifer passed through customs I was face to face with her for the first time ever. She was a little awkward. Without saying anything, I dropped to a knee. The international crowd of about 100-150 people all collectively gasped. So my first words to her face to face were “Will you marry me?” Fortunately she said yes and the crowd applauded. It was a pretty spectacular almost life defining moment as I had not anticipated the crowd’s involvement. I then broke the law and kissed her. Jennifer and I will both agree and we thought the other was a lousy kissers. Fortunately, with lots of practice, we have gotten much much better at that. The next day, we went our first date which was a Ball, literally and figuratively. Jennifer had a gorgeous red gown and I was dressed in a custom fit tuxedo. It was a fundraising ball and my video was one of the featured attractions. Wow…what a way to show off for my new fiancée. Jennifer got to meet most of my friends, including my friend Stan. I told Stan about our story, and since he was the Editor in Chief of the newspaper he wanted to write about it. So there on Page 3 the next week, there Jennifer and my story was. It was a fitting and romantic end to an amazing amazing week. Here is the link if you care to read about it: http://www.gulfweekly.com/article.asp?Sn=7232&Article=24238

Top 10 of 2010

2011-01-20T16:21:00.008+03:00

Plagiarism and Looking Back

Jennifer had a top 10 list in her blog and I kind of got jealous. It seems like everyone loves lists, just look at Yahoo’s news highlights and you get a list for everything. But as I was contemplating my personal list I got to thinking of the spiritual aspects of keeping a list. I think its important to look back at what God has done in my life both for a testimony and to give me faith to move forward. That’s why keeping a prayer journal is important. Jennifer and I over the course of the next week or so are facing a pretty substantial life decision. As much as I preach against fear, this one has me kind of worried. I know God will see me through, but Im a little bit anxious, and I hate being anxious especially since I always talk a good game. But alas, I am human and I fail. I try to be absolutely transparent in this blog and I know that it minsters to several of you out there. For that I’m exceedingly glad. One thing that surprised me, were the responses from my last blog about Tears in the Fatburger or the effects of Parental Alienation. I was amazed by the support and the knowledge that it impacted so many people in different ways. Unfortunately the names might have been changed but the stories are the same. Maybe speaking out will help stem the tide of what is being increasingly accepted as normal.

As Jennifer and I are praying for this big decision, I was drawn to Joshua 1. If ever you need to be encouraged, this is the chapter. God tries to encourage Joshua as he’s about to battle it out with the Giants and enter the promised land. God admonishes him, as long as he follows the Bible victory is his and he needn’t be afraid. But God knows us and he knows that fear is a very real emotion. So he tells Joshua to look back to Moses (the past) if God came through then, he’ll come through now. So that’s why I think its important to write down God’s accomplishments in your life to give you the courage to move forward. I’ve heard it said that you

are either in a trial (problem) just coming out of one, or just about to go in another one. We will always have troubles. But we can have peace no matter where we are in the trials, if we just remember that God got us out of the last one, he’ll get us out of this one too. Now this key is only available for believers. Non-believers you are on your own and you can let the chips fall where they may. This list is my justification for the plagiarism of Jennifer’s idea. I encourage you to do your own top 10 of 2010 list and write it down.

#10

*Well let me first say that #1 in my list has to be my growing and intimate relationship with the Creator, but that would be anti-climactic and a given. So let me re-categorize the list as the top 10 things that happened to me in 2010.*

**Another addendum is that Jennifer could be in all 10 of these spots, but that would probably be boring for all of you to read since I have professed my love and admiration for her over and over and over in this blog. **

So #10…

The Funniest Person Bahrain Contest

Now this wasn’t an overwhelming success from a monetary standpoint, but from a cultural standpoint it was. The Funniest Person in Bahrain featured 10 people that were funny and I tried to play to their strengths. It was similar in scope to “Whose Line is it Anyways.” We had an extreme diversity. We had contestants from: Finland, Saudi Arabia, Bahrain, Oman, UK, US, Seychelles, India, Pakistan, Holland, and a 16-year old kid. It was truly an eclectic mix. We had all these diverse races coming together with laughter being the universal language. What made me the most proud was seeing the growth and development of each of these fine comedians. I was so proud of this group. I am not a funny person (Jennifer will be sure to provide the confirmation) for the most part, but I do know how to set up other people to be funny. It was my job to get to know these people and put them in situations where they could succeed. In Improv comedy, like anything creative, you can’t think. So I had to get an ensemble of people not to think. (Insert Joke Here.) I sure bonded with these people and will have memories that will last a laughtime with them. (hey that was a joke.) Bahrain TV wanted to buy the show, but I held off hoping I could try to sell in a bigger market. I think I can sell this in Dubai.

My Positive Living Group.

When I was first moving to Bahrain in 2008 God spoke to me very specifically. First He told me to write my book, Second He said I would start a church. I think the book took the turn of this blog. If I printed out this blog single spaced it would be well over 1000 pages by now. I have 551 entries and each entry is at least a page on average. Wow…that is a lot of writing. The second, the church, I argued with God. How was I supposed to start to start a church in Bahrain? I didn’t know anyone. God said very plainly, “Leave the details to Me.” I did, and He did. Well Im not sure if you could classify My group as a “church” but it was for me. It was a place where I could both minister and be ministered to. I was unofficially supported by my former pastor Jim Lewis and Lakewood Church. They gave me books, CD’s, DVDs, and other materials which I freely gave away to my group. We met on Monday nights at my flat. I always fed the group dinner and we talked. Then we watched a Joel Osteen video and talked about how it impacted our particular faith. I had Muslims, Hindus, Christians, Atheists, Agnostics and even a Buddhist regularly attend. It was an incredibly opportunity to learn more about each other’s beliefs in a non-threatening and safe manner. I probably had around 50 different people circulate through at one time or the other in the year plus that I held the group. Most of the time it was anywhere from 3-8 people on a given night. This group was purely spread through word of mouth and my blog. One of my favorite regular attenders was a young Muslim who found me through this blog. He came to argue about my beliefs in Christ and wound up being my most consistent attender. Instead of telling him what was “wrong” with his religion I told him what was “right” with mine. It totally disarmed him. He is now my lifelong friend and studying to be a doctor in China. I know this group helped turn around the lives of several people that attended. The fact that God used me in that powerful way is both a great honor and a very humbling experience.

#8 Surprising Jennifer in November

Jennifer always boasted that she was so smart that she could never be surprised. This is a girl that used to open up all her wrapped Christmas gifts then meticulously rewrap them. So I had this planned out for weeks and I set her up beautifully for it. On a weekend she thought I was in Oman, I showed up at her doorstep. She was not prepared for me in the least. As I stood there at her door she just stood there dumbfounded for about a minute. She could’t really move or talk. I think she was in shock. It took her about a day for it all to sink in. It was a blast. I was only there for one week. But it turned out to be one of the many great weeks of the year for me.

#7-#1 Coming soon…

Tears in the Fat Burger

2011-01-17T18:58:00.003+03:00

I felt very silly sitting in a Fat Burger restaurant with tears streaming down my face. This is not your everyday experience so let me explain. I am a creature of habit so I have a routine I follow. I am alone for another 2.5 months so I’m going to continue to follow this routine as I have been generally for the past three years since I came to the Middle East. For breakfast I spend time with God, reading my Bible then praying/listening to Him. For lunch I spend time with whatever reality show Im addicted to at the moment (either Amazing Race or Survivor). I can buy the past seasons on itunes for about $20. So I don’t have to wait week by week to see the cliff hanger. I usually watch one episode after the other (Yeah, Immediate Gratification!). So this particular episode of Survivor aired in the US sometime early December. It usually makes me cry but even moreso this year. It’s the episode they always do where the remaining survivors are reunited with their loved ones. Its always an emotional experience. These people shed crocodile tears after being away from their family for 5 weeks. 5 weeks? But still it’s a nice moment that always gets me. What really got me was the affection this particular grown son showed his father (Dan). I was so moved by that because that is something that I do not have at the moment and I have been praying for.

It really hurts because I can no longer speak to my children unless I force the issue through the court system. In fact I haven’t spoken with my children since last Sept. They will neither take nor return my calls or emails. I still love my children and long for the day we can have a normal relationship. Some might say, It’s my choice because I chose to live half-way around the world in the Middle East. They might be partially correct. But I simply have to look at my dear friend Reji. Reji is from Kerala, India and he gets to see his family once or twice a year. Yet his relationship with his children/family is very strong. He chats with them almost daily via webcam. They love their dad. There are countless other stories out there like Reji’s. Globally, having an intact family is more of an exception than the rule.

I have been fortunate enough to be able to afford to fly back to the states 2-3 times a year to see my children. But even that had become increasingly difficult. My ex-wife hid them from me twice in a row in 2010 upon my return to the US. Finally I had to take her to court and the judge saw right through her shenanigans. She will justify that the kids don’t want to see me. She would be right, they don’t. While I visited my kids the last two times, their bodies were there but their minds were not. This is because of the continuing Parental Alienation that the kids are subject to. If one of them were to mention that they missed their dad or want to visit they would be emotionally shunned in their own home. So their behavior is both an influenced choice and emotional survival mechanism. One of my boys mentioned during our visit that they were afraid to have too much fun otherwise they’d get in trouble when they got home.

I’ve mentioned this several times in my blog before but it bears repeating. Alienated kids take on the feelings and advocacy of the alienating parent. The children defend the alienating parent and argue that their thoughts are their own and not influenced by anyone else. My particular case of alienation is really text book. When hate and bitterness are modeled on a daily basis innocent children soon adhere to this poisoning. I think Divorce is the most selfish act anyone can commit other than maybe murder. To take it further, alienating innocent children takes that selfishness exponentially further. I grew up watching Disney Fairy Tales, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White etc... There was always a wicked witch or other character as the evil antagonist. I always thought those figures were fictional, not representative of real life. Oh how wrong I was. Those types of characters are real. The Bible has harsh words of judgment for those types of people. Luke 17:2 It would be better for them to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble.

Most often, the alienating parent justifies in their own mind that they are doing this to “protect the child.” But lying to themselves comes easy as they are lying to their other friends and family members. What I have yet to understand, do they actually believe their own lies or are they absolutely delusional. If so, I think that is some sort of mental illness. I just don’t see how they can live withthemselves.

Now I love my children dearly and miss them like crazy. What are my options? Really my only legal option is to go back to court. Unfortunately that puts the children in the middle. Divorce is like one parent grabbing the right wrist of the child and the other grabbing the left. Will a particular parent win? With a strong enough grip and pull, yes. But what about the harm that comes to the child caught in the psychological tug of war. My coming to the Middle East was my way of letting go of the wrist so the child would not be harmed. Yet even though I let go my ex is continuing to damage the children as if were hanging on to the wrist. Why? I don’t know. There are many things I don’t know. One of them being why she is reading this blog right now. So what can I do? Really the only thing I can do is pray. My case is not that uncommon. I think in most divorces you will find certain levels of alienation that occur. But for most every divorced person I spoke with, my case seems to be in the upper extremes.

I know that I will have a relationship with my children one day as they mature and see the truth and recognize the character of each of their parents. Buts its days like today when I get impatient. I don’t want to have to wait 10 years for that reconciliation to occur. I know it will…that’s what I have to keep telling myself. Now God is giving me the strength to endure. I don’t know where I’d be without my beautiful and supportive wife and loving family. “Vengeance is mine says the Lord.” I can’t get involved too much with wanting Justice…that’s up to God. I believe in Karma/reaping and sowing, what comes around always goes around. I think that is a universal truth no matter what religion you follow. Im just glad the millstone is not around my neck.

Forgiveness is a process. Sometimes I have to forgive my former spouse multiple times a day. Today is one of those days. I know this blog is quite inflammatory at times. But I also know that it ministers to others out there as many of you have let me know that it does. So I pray that it ministers/admonishes you. If you are separated from your children like I am, I would like to hear about it. If not, thank God for your blessings and pray for those of us that are struggling with this horrific affliction.

Rick's Postulate

2011-01-12T22:14:00.000+03:00

I have a theory. A theory that has rang true in my life over and over again, but its not something I can prove. You will just have to take my word for or try it out yourself. Rick’s Postulate: The amount of God’s peace one experiences is directly proportionate to the size of the crisis one is experiencing. Thus the bigger the crisis, the bigger the allotment of peace. Something happened today about which I can’t go into details. It has nothing to do with Jennifer however. But she certainly has been instrumental in the solution or assisting in the allocation of God’s peace. So I had potentially a really bad day. I mean really bad. But for some reason…it didn’t emotionally feel that bad. In fact is was a pretty good day. It doesn’t really make sense in the natural. I should be really depressed and worrying but Im not. Psalm 55:22 says Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you. 1 Peter 5:7 says essentially the same thing “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

OK, here’s the crazy part. I didn’t even pray about this particular crisis. It just kind of happened. I have been doing all the right things by “Seeking God First” and letting the chips fall where they may. So when the hammer of adversity dropped its head, I was completely prepared for it. Its like the dust was just shrugged off my back. Its not that I’m ambivalent to this latest crisis, not in the least. Its just that I’ve been through so many similar types of crises and God has always seen me through the storm. So no matter what happens, I know He’ll see me through this storm as well. Oh…I have my preference on which direction I want the ship to be guided. God will certainly take that into account as he is directing my steps. But I know that whichever direction this particular ship heads, that Im going wind up safely in the harbor after the storm passes. I’ve mentioned before that whenever God speaks he will repeat it two-three times just to make sure you are tuned in and hearing Him correctly. I said a couple of months ago that I felt God told me that the Phillies would win the Series…D’oh…I guess that wasn’t backed up by two or three sources. Unless I would have been in Philly then Im sure it would have been backed up…lol. So God once again told me that things would be ok. I was listening to the podcast of Cornerstone from his past Sunday’s sermon and boom it was just for me…from halfway around the world. God confirmed both through this podcast, His voice in my head, and for good measure a bonus of Jennifer. Having her support is God’s way of helping me show no fear no matter what the circumstance. Having her in my corner believing in me makes all the difference. A very simple phrase that Pastor Steve Madsen said, one that I sang about as a child in Sunday School, just hit me like a load of bricks. “The wise man built his house on the rock, the foolish man built his house on the sand. What happened with the storm of adversity hit?” Even though Im proverbially in the land of sand, for the last five years my house has a solid foundation of being on the Rock (Bible/God/Jesus etc.). This strong foundation has helped me to not only survive a number of storms but to thrive in them as well. I am so blessed and so thankful.

Now if you were to look at my life there are a number of different things that you could point to today to try to convince me that I should be depressed and miserable. You know what…you’d probably be right. But I’ve learned that having the proper foundation is the key element to allowing “All things work together for good” to happen in my life.

So how will this particular crisis revolve itself? Im not sure, but I know I’ll wind up on the good side.

(I know my mother is probably freaking out right now, worrying what is wrong with me. Don’t worry mother, everything is in control.---She’s still working through this worry issue. She’s a mother after all.)

A Response to Red Phoenix

2011-01-02T12:17:00.002+03:00

Thank you so much for sharing. I indeed feel your pain. During the darkest hours of my divorce the late Jerry Falwell took me in his Suburban and we drove around Lynchburg. He told me "life moves on." I didn't believe him. Well maybe life moves on, but I will be an emotional cripple for the rest of my life. Well it took time, faith and God's restoration for me to finally get what he was trying to say. God will use this opportunity of your aloneness to fill you with His spirit. Take the time to be alone with God when you are alone. Worship even though your don't feel like worshipping. Listen to as many online sermons from Charles Stanley and Joel Osteen as you can. Read the Bible, Seek God.

You can be alone, but you don't have to be lonely. Life for you, and everyone really, is quite simple. "Seek God First...and all these things will be added unto." So whenever you are frightened, lonely, angry, depressed, happy, joyful, or peaceful seek God. It is his desire for you to have peace no matter what the circumstances are around you. It really defies logic, but your entire house could be burning and falling all around you while you are safely tucked inside a fire proof room in the center of the house. Picture Shadrach Meshack and Abendego in the Babylonian Furnace or Daniel in the lion's Den. God knows what you need. He will provide. Another very important thing to consider during this dark time is to love yourself. Divorce cripples a person in the esteem department. If you rush into a relationship too quickly, your esteem will be boosted as you are temporarily affirmed, but it will be short-lived. You have to love yourself before anyone else can properly love you. If not, its a co-dependent love and doomed to fail.

Also you indicated that you have children. Love them, even if they are grown they are hurting. Never ever bad mouth your former spouse or say anything negative. They will figure it out for themselves eventually. Also don't look to them for affirmation, that is backwards and puts too much pressure on them. Look to God for your affirmation.

So hang in there. I hope you will see that my life is a testimony to how this works. Don't dwell on the past and what you don't have...consider the present at what you have and by faith the future to what you will have. God is great, and abundantly faithful. Thank you for writing.

Best Year Ever!!!

2011-01-01T00:17:00.002+03:00

Those are awfully strong words I know. Emerging from the pits of despair and rebounding so poetically made the emotional elation all the more sweeter. Its kind of like when you go on a fast and the first meal you have is so delectable. I have said this a few times before but it bears repeating. It was July 09 and I was visiting my boys in Texas. It was a bittersweet visit. When I visit my boys it fills me with so much joy but also reminds me of the family that I lost. So I was somewhat melancholy when I was praying when I heard the Lord’s voice tell me very clearly that I’d be married within a year. I have heard this voice before so I could recognize it. I didn’t really believe it though. But just to make sure I told my good friend Darren in Bahrain, David my roommate in Texas and Isa in Bahrain. They all said…to who? I said, I don’t know. I wasn’t dating anyone so it was a complete mystery to me. Then last year right about this time I got matched on eharmony (hey its hard to find a pretty Christian girl when you are living in the Middle East) with some blonde girl from North Carolina. Neither one of us were too enthusiastic about the match at first, but once we started the short and long answers both sensed there was something different about each other. Then in our first email on Jan. 3, 2010 we became convinced. I was absolutely intrigued by this girl. But I had to see her first. I had met several girls online some were not representative of their photos (which is a vast understatement). But when I first saw Jennifer on the webcam, God spoke “She’s the one I have for you.” Of course it doesn’t take a genius to realize how wonderful she is. But what is amazing is how perfect we fit together, like the last two missing pieces of a complex jigsaw puzzle. We make each other complete. I knew that I would marry her. Jennifer knew almost as quickly as I did. In fact, I told her on our second phone conversation that I loved her. I wanted to wait til I met her face to face, but I just couldn’t help myself. Really it was love at first sight. Since my life was so dramatic I wanted to finish with a flourish. Or actually start part 2 with a flourish. I know my life will be made into a TV movie someday so I wanted to emotionally punch it up. So when Jennifer flew out to Bahrain and I was to meet her face to face for the first time. I wanted the “happily ever after part” to be memorable. So my first words to her were “Will you Marry me?” Fortunately she said yes. And the rest of the year as we traveled across the world 6 times to see each other is what made 2010 the best year ever. Jennifer is with me in Dubai right now as we ring in 2011 and look for places to live. I took her to church today and our pastor John Folmar after the introduction said…I’ve seen you before. Jennifer was dumbstruck…then he said…on Youtube. I was touched that pastor of a large church would take the time to learn so much about one of his members. I think it says a lot for his character. If you missed the “Will you marry me?” Here is the link to view it again: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsGigrwnXAM

I am so grateful to God and his faithfulness for all these blessings. Since I got divorced it absolutely emotionally devastated me. I was so defined by my family and instantly I lacked an identity. But I re-identified myself as a child of the King. I clung to God for hope. God kept reassuring me for four years that he was in control, and that he would get me through this. 2010 was the culmination of His faithfulness. How many people do you know (other than the ones who live in Hollywood) Have met someone and the next month they get engaged, and the next month they get married. I know it might seem impulsive. Hey Jennifer and I both know its impulsive. To me its more about being faithful to God’s calling than to question my emotional sanity. Really Jennifer and I got married then started to date. Each and every day that goes by I am more and more convinced that she not only is the perfect partner for me, but my best friend and lover. I wish everyone could experience the exhilaration that I feel when I am with her. So Jennifer, my love, thank you for making 2010 the best year of my life. Can we possibly top it in 2011?

A Parking Ticket on Christmas Day

2010-12-25T13:13:00.001+03:00

Its Christmas day and I just can’t help from admitting that it doesn’t feel like Christmas. Last night I was walking on the JBR promenade and I saw a stand for Santa that was going to be up from Dec. 23-Jan. 1. I thought, don’t they realize that Santa pictures are supposed to start in November? And what is the point of Santa after Dec. 25? It shouldn’t be a big surprise that they have Santa or that they celebrate Christmas. I heard the song “Away in a Manger” being blasted through the loudspeakers. That is a very Christian song. I have said this before but it bears repeating. Muslims believe in Christ, they think he was a great prophet. Only they don’t believe in Jesus as the Son of God. But strangely enough they do believe that Jesus is coming back someday for the rapture.

Really the place it only feels a little like Christmas here is the malls. But when I think of Christmas in the US, I think of red and green everywhere. Here there are just not the prominent colors. Another reason it doesn’t feel like Christmas is that Im working today. Im in the edit bay our post facility. We have a Jan. 2 deadline so its important that I make as much progress towards that as possible. Most everyone here is working today. I even got a parking ticket. Who gets a parking ticket on Christmas Day? Apparently me. Im writing this blog because I don’t want to keep directing our editor. Everytime I make a comment it slows down his flow. That is why I don’t like Executive Producers to view Assemble or Rough cuts as they make too many changes. So Im going to let Mobeil our editor do his thing then I’ll step in. Jennifer is presently getting on a plane in London and she’ll be here in 6 hours. I think just having her here will make it feel a whole lot more Christmassy. (I can’t believe Christmassy is a word. My spell check is accepting it). I was invited over to a Christmas Dinner with friends so that will help with the festive spirit as well. I hope to speak with my kids today too…but that might just be an unrealistic dream. Isn’t it sad when I have to make it a prayer request to speak to my own children on Christmas Day? I love them dearly and I miss them so. I try not to think about all the great Christmas’ that we’ve had in the past because that would just depress me too much. I just need to focus on the present and what I have now and will have in the future. Its like Joel Osteen admonishes “Don’t focus on what you don’t have, focus on what you have.” I am incredibly blessed really beyond measure. I am so blessed to have someone in my life that loves me like Jennifer and a family that supports me. It was just a few years ago when I felt so alone. If you are one of those people that don’t have anyone special in your life, I grieve if you are grieving. Some people choose to be alone while for others its forced upon them. I empathize because I walked in your shoes. Not having anyone to share the holidays with can be an incredibly painful experience. More suicides happen in the holidays than any other time of year. God did sustain me through those painfully alone years. It was an amazing experience. I was alone but rarely was I lonely. I should have been lonely but I had God’s spirit sustaining me. Everyone kept encouraging me to hang in there and things will get better. They were right, Im experiencing that this very moment.

It was just one year ago today that Jennifer and I were starting our initial contact with each other through Eharmony. That is where we met. The online dating thing really worked. Granted our courtship and engagement, and marriage was blindingly fast. So much has happened in one year. I was thinking about this earlier today. Jennifer and I broke every single rule on what you are supposed to do with traditional dating and marriage. But it has worked. Really it has about as much to do with God as it does Jennifer. God clearly told me that she was the one and I was to marry her. Who am I to argue with the almighty? Its like God saying I want to give you a million dollars…are you really going to say no? So with Jennifer and I, its like we got married then started dating. We knew the essentials about each other, faith, character, values and the rest was all details. It was an added bonus to be incredibly attractive to each other. I just have to work on keeping my belly down now. We also agreed, really in our second conversation, that when we were to be married that each of us was going to make it work no matter what. So we actually knew we would be married on our second phone conversation. That is when we started talking about it. It was never if we got married, it was when. It was more a matter of fact than conjecture. It was such an odd feeling that we both almost instantly knew that we found our mate. I remember telling my mother after Jennifer and my first conversation. “I said I met her.” Normally she discounts my enthusiasm but this time my mother said, “I can’t be surprised because this is what I had been praying for.” Our story is quite remarkable really. So at this Christmas time in the desert even though things aren’t quite ideal, Im extremely joyful. God has seen fit to give me the greatest gift in a wife that loves me like Jennifer does. I can’t think of much better gift to get that that. So as all my dreams are coming true. This Christmas I pray that yours will be coming true as well. I am delighting this season in the Lord and I can honestly say I have the desires of my heart. If you don’t have the desires of your heart please let me encourage you to Seek First God…then…you’ll have it. That’s a promise.

If you're moving less than 90, you best move out of the way

2010-12-23T22:35:00.001+03:00

We wrapped production today and Im exhausted but satisfied. We have been shooting all over Abu Dhabi the past week. Its about an hour drive between Dubai and Abu Dhabi. The Sheik Zayed highway however is quite an adventure. They have traffic cams about every 10 miles and if you are going over a certain pre-determined limit you see a flash and get a sick feeling. I’ve already had one ticket. Im told that anything over 90 mph (150 kph) gets you the flash. So I try to keep it around 85. But for most arabs the speed limit is only a suggestion and the traffic cams a nuisance. Traffic in the passing lane usually moves faster than 90 mph. Arabs like to drive fast. This is especially true in Saudi Arabia. One muslim once told me there is a certain type of invincibility with Muslims (Warning stereotype approaching). They explained some Muslims feel if you get in an accident it is Allah’s will…if you don’t get in an accident its Allah’s will. For me that’s a dangerous way to live obviously. I feel that God gave us all common sense for a purpose. So, If you are in their passing lane they’ll usually start flashing their blinkers when the get to be about 50 yards behind you. They’ll come up right to your bumper and start blaring their horn if you don’t move. If you know what’s good for you, you best get out of their way. Imagine the road rage that type of driving that would elicit in Los Angeles. Here’s its just accepted as decent road etiquette.

Im very pleased that shoot turned out as well as it did. We had a number of various crises on the set. But at the end of the day we got some great stuff in the can. I was working with a good crew. I was worried because we have a Jan. 2 deadline but Im extremely comfortable with the post house we are using. So I don’t think the deadline with threaten my record. I thought I was going to have to spend 24/7 with the editor, but he has already shown me how adept he is. I just need to guide him a little. I love being a director…I think even more than being a writer. But apparently I need to say please and thank you more when I direct. I tend to become incredibly focused as I visualize the shot as it will belong in the context of the finished piece. Really all being a director is, is being a good communicator. To communicate his vision with the crew clear enough so they’ll be able to see and emulate it as well. With Indians and non-native English speakers you have to be incredibly thorough with your communication. I think we are on the road to achieving that. I still haven’t proven myself yet, so that is a bit of a challenge. I can see the entire project in my head and its coming together just like in my head. But others can’t really see into my head…not like they’d want to. So having a finished piece will go a long way in establishing trust for future projects. I am establishing a very good rapport with the general manager of the production company we are using. He is from Kerala (India) and just understands production. Indians are very skilled in the labor and creative of films because of the immense market of Bollywood. I found this info from an Article in the Sunday Times of London: “India now produces over 850 films a year – around two per day. Approximately 450 films are released in the USA. India’s Central Boards of Film Certification claim that over a period of just three months, approximately one billion Indian’s visit cinemas to catch the latest release. In 2002, Bollywood sold 3.6 billion tickets and had total revenues (including admissions, DVDs, and television sales) of $1.3 billion, whereas Hollywood films sold 2.6 billion tickets and generated total revenues of US $51 billion. So Hollywood is clearly streets ahead in the count that really matters: money, money, money.” The main difference Between Bolly and Holly is the cheese factor…Bollywood movies are so melodramatic and cheesy and the Indians just love that. Its hard for me to sit through a Bollywood film, but I’ve done it for several of them. So when I have an Indian crew I have to de-Bollywoodize them. I like my Hollywood/Western style. I was flattered earlier today as I got an offer to direct a series of industrials. I am an OneTVO employee so ethically Im not going to take any work on the side (although that is quite common here). There may be an opportunity down the road where I can outsource myself for the good of the company. Its all about relationships here. There is not a spirit of competition, but rather cooperation. That is refreshing to find especially with the ultra-competitive nature of Hollywood in my rear view mirror. Now I was flattered by the job offer in part because I know that this particular person has seen my work. But really, one of the driving factors is my skin color. Apparently (I know this is unfair but it’s a reality) that having an American director…especially one with Hollywood experience is quite prestigious. Its not like I did anything to deserve my skin color. I won the genetic lottery and just so happened to be blessed by having two loving God-fearing parents. The rest is from “I just don’t know when to quit.” I should have given up on my career long ago because I have failed thousands of times. But my over-riding faith in God helped me to continue to believe in myself. Im just so thankful for all the blessings that I have. I really didn’t do much to deserve it. All I did was….Believe. And that was enough.

Less than 48 hours until Jennifer arrives to celebrate our first Christmas together. Im pretty thrilled about that.

The Amazing Life

2010-12-09T22:20:00.001+03:00

I just love watching the Amazing Race. Its so much more edifying than trashy favorite show #2 Mad Men. I can download the entire season on Itunes for about $20.00. As soon as it airs I can download it. I like The Amazing Race so much because I can relate to it. In many ways it mirrors my life. Take today for instance. I had to travel downtown to a place called Deira. I had only been there once before. I was meeting my DOP (Director of Photography) and we were going to meet a production company to see their computer animation. We might keep all the production and post with this company. So Saji, the DOP, tells me its near the Sheraton Deira Creek. I think I know where that is. So I head out a little bit early as I had to make another stop. I looked for the Sheraton Deira Creek map on its webpage and tried to memorize it (My printer was out of ink—Road Block). Now Im looking at my gas gauge and its on E. I was a little worried. Surprisingly enough there aren’t hardly any gas stations (they call them petrol stations) out here when compared to the US. The US there are gas stations on every street corner. Here they are few and far between. This is kind of weird considering the oil comes from this region. So I’m trying to follow the street signs, and use my intuition. I’ve only leased a car for about two weeks now so I haven’t driven around that much, and certainly not on that part of town. So I get to the Sheraton Deira Creek and the landmarks that Saji (my DOP) tells me to look for are nowhere around. It turns out there is another Sheraton. The Deira Sheraton is what I needed. (Two Sheratons both called Deira…where is the logic in that?) So I called Saji and he was kind enough to drive to me so I could follow him to the facility. Following Saji in Middle Eastern Traffic is like a game show in itself. Its slightly easier than following Lady Lebanon in Abu Dhabi but not by much. By the way if you can’t find something, which is often the case, its quite common for someone to drive to you to lead you the rest of the way. Addresses are just not used here at all, just landmarks. So we get to the facility and it was really something. Production facilities in Los Angeles, are plush, modern, and very high tech. Well some of them anyway. Its all about image in LA. Not the case here. This facility we went to does very good work. However they are crammed in a tiny three office suite with two of the offices holding editing equipment and the other had their camera equipment. All this cramped space plus there must have been 15 employees standing around because there was no place to sit. But, these guys did excellent work. The GM and I were talking. He was from India. He realizes the limitations of working in this area. He has a great animator, and editor but they don’t speak English very well. So that detracts from business. He said many clients that he has prefer to work with guys like me, simply because Im American…or my white skin. Then I joked that’s why I hired Saji, who is from India (Kerala…you’d like him Reji) but has very light skin. Indians have great senses of humor and just love life. I really felt comfortable with this crew despite the basic office. These guys did lots of Bollywood Flims (That’s how Indians prounouce Film, its Fl-ims). It was a nice meeting. They are treating me with great respect out here. Being a director carries a lot of weight. I am honored by the respect. So the game show part continued as I drove away to find my back which is a lot easier. The game continues tomorrow as I need to get my visa renewed. Im still on a 30 day visit visa so I need to leave the country every 30 days. I went to Bahrain to visit Darren one month. I went back to surprise Jennifer last month (What a surprise that turned out to be!) and now Im driving to Oman. How do you drive to Oman, not really sure, but that is part of the adventure. What’s poetic about this in a life imitating art sense is that the episode I watched today of the Amazing Race (it aired two weeks ago in the US) had all the contestants traveling through both Dubai and Oman. The producers of the Amazing Race are really doing justice to accurately representing the Middle Eastern Culture here.

Meanwhile on another course of the race, Lady Lebanon was busy trying to get all the permits, schedule the shoot, negotiate the budget, book the crew, arrange catering, and all the other details. Normally this type of production needs about one month pre-production. We have a deadline of Jan. 2. So we only have one week.

We are supposed to start shooting next Tuesday. If you can keep us in prayer it would be appreciated. This is a big production in a foreign country. There are lots of challenges, the deadline and the budget being two of the biggest. But I have an extremely good crew around me. Plus I have a secret weapon. Despite all the activity, I don’t seem to be that busy. I attribute that directly to spending time with God each day. All the details after that seem to sort themselves out.

So yes, my life at the moment does seem like a game show. With the amount of peace and joy I have, I can honestly say its An Amazing Life. That’s not say I don’t have everything perfect in my life. I can no longer speak with my children as they won’t take or return my calls. When they do respond to emails its either heavily influence or written by their mother and/or stepfather and filled with bitterness and hate. Now unfortunately I can’t do anything to fix that, and I’ve tried pretty much every approach. So Im just giving it up to God. I know the relationship is only strained temporarily. I know someday they will see the truth and realize how much I love them. My love for them is absolutely unconditional so no matter what I will love them just the same. I tell them via email and voicemail every chance I get. So how am I so joyful despite this heartbreak? Well I think that is what makes God, God. I can’t dwell on the pain. Im focusing on what I have and that is the hope that our relationship will be restored someday. I have so many other positive things to focus in my life. When I think about everything that I have done, with friends, family and loved ones cheering me on, I can honestly say, It’s an Amazing Life. Still, the best is yet to come.

National Day Part 2

2010-12-03T00:27:00.001+03:00

What a great day it was…in so many aspects. I mentioned yesterday that it is National Day today. I just didn’t realize how many Emiratis were out celebrating it. Nearly all of them!!! I don’t think that is much of an exaggeration. We got to the Marina area in Abu Dhabi early around 2:00 PM. Already there were families setting out chairs on the side of the road and setting up picnic barbecue areas. There was a sense of anticipation in the air. What they do for revelry here is to decorate their cars. So many Mercedes, BMW’s, and Corvettes among many others were covered with Emirati flags along with pictures of the leaders. The late Sheikh Zayed, the father of the country, is usually pictured with his two sons on each side. They still hold Sheikh Zayed in such high regard. His portrait is everywhere. I guess it’s a little like how the US treats George Washington.

The atmosphere here is so incredibly festive. Its like the entire country goes to just cruise the streets. People hanging out of the windows of their cars (not very safe I know), or standing up through the sunroof. Emirati flags are being waved with horns honking, engines revving, and boat horns sounding. The big thing is that people shoot silly string and confetti at each other. People will walk up to cars with their window open and spray this confetti like foamy stuff at the people inside and the people inside just spray back. They have a lot of fun doing it. There is such an amazing sense of patriotism and camaraderie that I’ve seldom experienced before.

We got to a festival with my camera man and Lady Lebanon. Lady Lebanon is an amazing producer. She knows how to use her charm well in this region. She is very savvy too. She can get into places and get permission where I probably would not have much of chance because Im a man. Arab men are incredibly respectful of women out here. At least the ones I encountered. There was this traditional dance that we covered. This was really special. It had men with Arabic drums, chanting and dancing along with women dressed in this type of national dress uniform doing another type of dance. There was a big boat race. There were maybe 20 guys in a boat paddling to the encouragement of the captain. There were maybe 20-30 boats in the water. This race is apparently a big deal with people putting a lot of money on these boats. Lady Lebanon was able to sweet talk her way into getting our crew into a boat. So we had a perfect vantage point of the race. We also got some incredible footage of the corniche (Beach road).

Afterwards Lady Lebanon was able to talk her way into one of the nicest hotels in the World, Emirates Palace. Normally crews aren’t allowed to shoot there but we gained access. It seems like everywhere I go, I just keep getting favore thrown upon me, and Im not really doing anything special to deserve it, other than being a child of the King. Now I realize that virtually all of the favor for this shoot has been the result of Lady Lebanon’s skills at producing in this culture. However, meeting her and having her be on this crew was no accident. I believe it was a divine appointment and that is God’s way of continuing to give me favor through indirect ways.

I was able to get away from the Abu Dhabi area around 10 pm. There were still thousands (no exaggeration) of cars descending on the same corniche area. Its now about 1:15 am. As I look out my window in the trendy JBR part of Dubai, there are more cars stacked up now, than there ever were during Eid. I think they are going to be cruising to the early hours of the morning. Traffic is barely moving (It took me an extra 45 min. to get ¼ mile) But everyone stuck in the jam doesn’t seem to mind it all. It just adds to the excitement of it. There is so much unity and pride amongst the Emirati people. It is quite amazing really. Why can’t the media portray that?

Kudos to Qatar for getting the World Cup in 2022. I know a lot of people are complaining about it in the US. Well…the US already had the World Cup. Its nice seeing the Middle East get some representation. Hopefully we can start changing some perceptions and promote understanding of our differing cultures.

National Day

2010-12-01T22:41:00.001+03:00

Tomorrow in National (Dec. 2) in the UAE. It is their fourth of July or Cinco De Mayo. As a country the UAE doesn’t have a long history. They will be celebrating their 39^th year of Unity. Before they were governed by the British (who wasn’t?) But in 1971, Sheikh Zayed, a forward thinker united the Sheikhdoms (or states). The UAE consists of seven states, termed emirates, (because they are ruled by Emirs) which are Abu Dhabi, Dubai, Sharjah, Ajman, Umm al-Quwain, Ras al-Khaimah and Fujairah. Dubai is the largest city and the most well known globally. The capital and second largest city of the United Arab Emirates is Abu Dhabi. It is also the country's center of political, industrial, and cultural activities. Abu Dhabi, according to CNN is also the richest city in the world. When Dubai was in trouble from the financial crisis, it was Abu Dhabi that bailed them out. Interestingly (at least to me and my father anyway) the UAE first invited Bahrain (a short 45 min. flight away) to be the centerpoint of the union. At the time of 1971, Bahrain’s economy was thriving because of oil reserves and a strong financial sector. Bahrain turned the UAE down, thinking it didn’t need them. My how things have changed. Many Bahraini’s rue that decision while others like the small island aspect.

Im pretty excited because we are going to do our first shoot tomorrow. We are going down to the corniche (waterfront) to tape some of the festivities taking place. Unfortunately I probably won’t be able to post them like I wanted to. I took my Iphone into the mall to get it unlocked so I could use it with a UAE number. After months of waiting the software was finally ready. Im not sure how legal this is but im trying not to ask too many questions. So the guy in the shop said it would be four hours. So I waited at the mall for four hours, watched a terrible Jackie Chan Movie, and had lunch. Normally I like Jackie Chan, Jet Li, Chow Yun Fat and Hong Kong films. However, instead of subtitles they dub in English voices for the actors. Its horrible. It completely ruins the movies as usually the voice over artists are very sucky actors just trying to get the lip placement right. I tried to write a script a few years back for some anime project. I had to time the syllables with the lip moment. It was tedious and difficult.

We had a dinner meeting tonight with Lady Lebanon and Ali. This is the fourth or fifth type of meeting we had like this. It was over dinner at a French restaurant called Paul, Im not sure if that is a chain in the US or not. The food was fantastic. But as I was sitting their at a very trendy spot on the JBR strip it dawned on me. Im having a session/dinner with the producer, star, and Im the director. Im really a director! They are treating me with that type of professionalism and respect. This is something that I have aspired to become my entire career. I have directed plenty of projects before, but usually as a writer-producer-director, not solely as a director. Plus most of my other projects have been documentary or corporate based. This is one of the first times I’ll be able to implement my vision along with Ali’s to create entertainment programming. Its very exciting. Im not that nervous, especially having Lady Lebanon on board to handle all the details. There are tons of details on projects like this, but we have a small lean crew since we are not big budget yet. We are having to be extremely efficient and resourceful. Its an exciting day, as this is why I came over to the UAE in the first place.

It’s the dawn of a new era in my career. I couldn’t be more excited.

Mad Men

2010-11-28T21:28:00.002+03:00

Please keep in mind I’ve only gone through the first three seasons of Mad Med. I just recently downloaded season 4. So don’t be a spoiler.

One of the things about living overseas is I don’t see broadcast television. I don’t miss it at all. Except maybe the sporting events, even then I subscribe to NFL.com, and MLB.com so I don’t miss much. When there is a particular tv series, I will go to the video store and rent the DVD. I watched LOST, most of 24, Heroes, Prison Break and a few others. I can usually go through an entire season in a week or two. I do stay abreast of the entertainment culture quite closely through the likes of Yahoo, and IMDB. So I heard about the buzz of Mad Men and have been waiting to catch up on it. I should confess enjoying Mad Men is a bit of a guilty pleasure as I will explain shortly. Those of you international readers that don’t know, Mad Men is an extremely popular TV show in the US that takes place in the early 1960’s out of an advertising agency in New York. Essentially it is just a soap opera with a really cool setting. Much similar to Dallas being a Soap Opera set amidst the backdrop of the oil fields, or Six Feet Under a soap opera set in a Mortuary, or the Soprano’s a soap opera set up within the mob. All of these shows are the same and there is nothing new under the sun. Mad Men appealed to me for a couple of reasons. I worked in and for advertising agencies for years. The writers and producers have this culture down very well. Plus I grew up in the late 60’s early 70’s so the décor brings back a lot of memories. Its also educational giving us a window to what it was like back in my parent’s era. I just really enjoy this show. That said…the show is absolute crap from a moralistic standpoint. Perhaps as a Christ-follower I shouldn’t be watching it, but like a car crash I find myself drawn to looking at it.

Im not giving anything away by saying that the show’s principal character, Don Draper, is a serial philanderer. At first I hated the guy for cheating on his beautiful, innocent, and naïve spouse. Perhaps this hit a little too close to home for me. But as the series progressed, I found myself being more sympathetic to the guy. This is difficult but important to admit. I even found myself rooting for him to get the girl (whatever affair he was after). How did this happen? How does a straight-laced, conservative to the hilt, Bible thumping, Christ crazy, jilted former spouse, guy like me actually start rooting for Don Draper? Last season ended on a cliff hanger of Don finally getting divorced from his wife. Again, Im not giving anything away since it’s a year old. Don deserved it. Still, as they discussed the issue of divorce and the feelings between the two characters cooled..I couldn’t helped but relive my own chilling divorce. The writers nailed the emotional impact of this devastating event quite well.

OK…I think Mad Men, and my view in particular is a great illustration how the media can shape the morals of our culture. If a conservative, firmly morally established Christian like me can be influenced by the media like this, what about someone else who might not have as solid of footing in place? Im not saying this to self-glorify my strengths (there but by the Grace of God go I) nor I am tempted to go out and meet a girl in hot pants, bouffant, and thigh high boots. Rather, it’s a good example of how the media can sway almost anyone. That is the main reason why I wanted to get into this line of work. If the media is that powerful, I want to use it to sway people to my particular worldview. Media is a dangerous but potentially great tool. I am starting to get opportunities to use it to express my worldview. Please pray for me, its an exciting time professionally with tons of opportunity right at my doorstep. If these two pilots Im writing/directing, take off it will lead to more opportunities. Each opportunity I have I’ll be able to express my worldview even more, a little like I do through this blog. Right now, Im just concerned about portraying Arabs, and Middle East in a positive yet realistic light. Next I’ll be able slowly but surely interweave by optimism, hope and faith in small increments. My time is coming…if its not already here.

For my children that are reading this blog…I love you very much. Im extremely proud of each one of you.